Of Popsicles and Snowflakes
by Silberwolf97
Summary: Fem!BuckyXSteve WARNING Writer tends to get graphic somewhere... Rated M for later chapters. also graphic for wounds, blood etc. don't like? stay way!
1. Intro

**Heya guys! Good to be back :)**

 **yeah, I know, I should finish my stories off before jumping headfirst into another. And a complete different fandom as well!**

 **This story is from the MCU and honestly, it's actually just the story of Captain America mixed with a little genderbend (I see a pattern here...) and love. Lots of love.**

 **There will be parts where I hope to see you cry (or rather, I'm hoping to have written this so well, you want to cry) and parts where I want to make you laugh.**

 **I just hope you like my story.**

 **P.S.: yes, I will continue my other story. But first I want this to be written down, because I might lose all my ideas if I don't! y!**


	2. Chapter 1

" _Bucky!" His voice broke just like his heart did seconds later. She let go. That damn smile spread across her face as she fell to her inevitable death. Screaming. It wasn't her. It was his own voice for screaming out loud long after the train had pulled her falling body from his view. It should have been him falling to his death. Not her, not Bucky! Black dots appeared in his sight, hatred for himself crushing every other feeling inside him. He continued screaming for what felt like an eternity._

* * *

Steve woke up screaming. Natasha was next to him, typing on her laptop and nearly threw it away. "Steve! Calm down, what the hell is wrong with you?", she shouted. Said guy just sat on the mattress, panting heavily and staring off into nowhere. He didn't even realize, that she had tried to talk to him.

"Cap... you okay? You're sweating like crazy." He flinched and turned his face towards her. Next thing he knew, she was hugging him so tightly he almost choked.

"Na..tasha?" Steve exhaled and rubbed his eyes. There was something wet and when he looked at his hand, he realized that he cried. His dream – or rather nightmare – came crashing back into his mind and he let out a chocked sob.

Natasha pushed away a bit, her hands still on his shoulders. "What happened? Bad dream?" He nodded.

"Bucky..." Steve chocked out in between loud sobs and hicks. The red haired woman in front of him let her head fall to the side in question. Another loud sob escaped his throat and he leaned into her, crying his heart out.

After some time, his sobbing died down and he calmed a bit. Wiping away his tears he sat up straight and took a deep breath.

"Bucky... her full name is Jamie Buchanan Barnes and she was my best friend." he said. Natasha gestured him to continue and he started telling his story.

"We met when I was seven. Before I became Captain America, I had been small for my age. Weak. I had asthma but I also had a strong will to fight bullies. It was on a playground. Some older kids had bullied a girl playing in the sand and I couldn't just let it slip. So I stood up for her, even though they must have been twice my size and weight. Of course I got beaten up.

I had seen her from the distance a few times, we were neighbours after all. But when she stood up for me... I was impressed. A young girl fought against guys who could have easily broken her neck. If they could have gotten a hold of her. She was fast. She took the three out without even tacking one hit. The girl I had wanted to protect had run away. She reached out her hand and just said 'Hey, I'm Jamie. And you? Since then, she had always been by my side. Whenever I took a beating, she would hunt the guys down and let them eat dirt.

Somewhere along the way I found out that she was my mothers best friends daughter. We grew really close. I had severe problems with illnesses back then. All kinds, name it, I had it. Winters would be especially hard. But she was there. Cuddling up to me at night, so I wouldn't get too cold. She was two years younger than me but she over topped me a head. And when we grew older, she became some kind of men-devouring witch. At least that's what my mother called her for fun. She had had many guys run after her.

No wonder, her long brown hair was beautiful and her eyes... don't even get me started. They appeared grey at first, but if you looked closer, you could see the brown and green and blue spots in them. They always had this fire inside. She had the most beautiful smile of all the girls I met.

We thought we'd be together forever, best friends for the rest of our lifes. But then... she got enlisted. It was a huge surprise for all of us. The army was searching for men to fight on the front lines. Woman were supposed to become nurses. But no, she was enlisted as a regular soldier.

The night before she left, we were at this unspeakably over the top expo of Howard Stark. She had made a double date of it, as so often before. Just so you know, that was when I met Doctor Erskine. I enlisted without Bucky knowing. She left, believing I would be safely waiting for her return.

Well, I didn't. I became this Supersoldier. There where many people who watched during the procedure. One of them was a german spy, who had been there to steal some of the serum I was infused with. He had a bomb with him which killed the doc shortly after the procedure was done. So I was the only one of my kind for the time being.

At first, because I was the only one, I was just an idol. The good ol' american patriot, showing of to strengthen war bonds. When I was supposed to take my show to the units' camp I knew Bucky was with, I was so giddily happy. I had hoped to surprise her with what I had become.

When we arrived... she wasn't there. Alongside half of the unit. The captain of her unit told me that she had been probably killer with her comrades during an attack on a HYDRA hideout. I didn't want to believe my best friend dead. After all she promised not to die or win the war until I got there.

I cancelled the show. I talked Howard Stark and Agent Peggy Carter into stealing a plane to fly me to the coordinates of the hideout. I saved about 150 soldiers that night. At first Bucky didn't recognize me. Only when I showed my face, she realized who I was and what had become of me. We came back to camp. I was allowed to do missions."

At this point Natasha already had wide eyes. "The Howling Commandos..." she whispered in awe. Steven nods and continues his story.

"Jamie Buchanan 'Bucky' Barnes. Dum Dum Dugan. Gabe Jones. Jim Morita. James Montgomery Falsworth. Jaques Dernier. I remember their names as if it was yesterday when we were sitting in a bombed out bar and klinked glasses over another successful mission. I was actually promoted Captain for real. We did a lot of missions. Over time, I learned why Bucky was enlisted as soldier rather than a nurse. She had very good eyesight and thus became sniper once on active duty. And she only got better after I saved her and her company. With every mission, she had a higher hitrate. Until she was so awesome, she never missed a target. Never. She got stronger as well and when I asked her about what had happened while she was imprisoned, she told me her story." Steven paused, a flashback to that evening hitting him.

* * *

 _They sat in Stevens tent. He had his own, of course. He was a captain now, a high ranked soldier. He looked in his best friends eyes, his own frowned with worry._

" _Bucky. Don't you play dumb on me. What happened before I saved you and the others?"_

 _She turned away, clearly uncomfortable with his question. "Please. Tell me." She groaned and a growled "Punk" escaped her lips. The man in front of her immediately answered with a whispered "Jerk". "_

 _I.. we... ugh, Steve please. I don't like to remember that." Blond mingled with brown as he put is forehead to hers. "I need to know. I'm worried about you." The woman sighed deeply and ran a hand through her perfectly combed long brown hair._

 _A move he knew meant, that she was really nervous. Bucky did that only when she was nervous._

" _They where pretty surprised when they found out who that infamous sniper really was. I guess they thought it would be a guy with a small an' fine build, not a woman my size and build. They wanted to test me. I had been fighting against my capturers so hard, they had broken bones. I was brought to this guys lab and chained to a metal table. They injected me with some white stuff over and over again. It really hurt. Steve.. can we stop talking about this?"_

 _She looked hurt. He could see the memories of her torture clearly behind that beautiful eyes of hers. Tears welling up in those galaxies in her face. A deep sight left his throat and he took his best friend in his arms._

" _It must have been their version of that serum I got... I'm sorry, Bucks." he felt her shiver against his chest. He couldn't tell whether it was upon hearing her nickname from their childhood days or her memories of her time under Arnim Zolas cruel fingers. He just wants her to stop crying. He always felt his chest tightening seeing her like this._

 _Hatred consumes his heart and he swears to god to kill the man who did this to his best friend._

* * *

"Cap? You okay?" Natashas voice brings him back from the past. "Yeah... just remembered something." he answers, wiping away some tears triggered by his memories.

"Long story short, she got infused with Zola's version of the serum I got and it enhanced her like it did with me. Her eyesight, her hearing and smelling, her speed and strength – everything. She didn't look like much but she surely packed a punch. I had sworn to protect her once I got to the frontlines and here I was, watching her deal with her torturing memories of that time. That night, while I held her in my arms, I swore to find and kill the man who had done this to her. Shortly after, we got send out on a mission to find Zola. He had been seen entering a train to Sweden. We were tasked with capturing him alive. We hijacked the train. Bucky and I were together all the time. Every man I missed in close combat, Bucky shot down from behind me. We were the perfect team, completing each others flaws. And then.."

Steven stops talking as he feels his throat tightening. He swallowed once, twice and continued with a hoarse voice.

"We got separated. Not far from each other. But I had been careless. I was to far ahead and before Bucky could have followed me, the compartment door closed between us. I tried breaking it to get to her, but it was no use. She had just enough time to warn me that someone was approaching me from behind, when one of the guys I assumed to be dead attacked her from behind and took her into stranglehold. I don't remember much, I had to deal with a huge boar of a man armed with flamethrowers. But I assume she managed to kill that guy, because suddenly I heard gunshots from behind me and the man infront of me slumped down like a bag of water. She helped me up and we continued, more careful but it was still not enough. I wasn't enough. Someone ahead of us threw a hand grenade in our direction and I didn't realize it until it was too late."

Once again he stopped talking and ran a hand through his blond hair. Natasha had listened without saying anything and her voice cracked a bit when she asked: "She got hit...?" A cheerless laugh forced it's way out of the man's throat and he shook his head.

"No. We both got hit. I had my shield up in time, so nothing happened to us from the bomb. But its force blasted away the side of the train... and her right out. She hung there, clinging to the cracked metal for her dear life. Shouting my name, so I would see her. I reached out for her... our hands were.. they..." he choked on his own words and another sob before he continued with teary eyes and wavering voice.

"Our hands were so close... only mere millimetres apart... when she just... let go... I screamed her name, I choked on my own voice and shouted until my voice failed and my lungs gave in. The train was unforgiving, it rattled further away from her... I finished my mission. But I was a different man after this. I had seen man y men die in battle. They have been shot, hit by shrapnel splinters froze or starved to death... but none of those deaths impacted me as much as Buckys. And it was not entirely because she was my best friend while I barely knew the others. Not even because of the way she died. It was because of how she looked. Those people, mostly faces without names to them, they always looked panicked. Hurt. With fear written across their frozen faces. If they even still had faces to show any emotion. But Bucky... she smiled. She fucking smiled at me, when she fell to her inevitable death! She didn't scream. She didn't flail her arms nor was she afraid. This fucking goddamn jerk SMILED at me!"

Steven stood up, waving his arms in anger and his pain dripping voice echoed through the catacombs they had found shelter in.

"I... had seen that smile before. It wasn't the smug one that she used to deceive innocent men nor was it the mocking one she bestowed her enemys with. It was soft, caring, loving. Proud. She fell to her death, I caused it and all she had for me was this fucking soft smile!" The blonde man continued with tears streaming down his face, his voice dripping with self-hatred and sadness. He didn't even seem to realize it.

"That smug bastard, making me feel like she was proud it was her who died not me!"

Natasha couldn't help herself. The way he had told the story had brought her to tear up and finally she led them flow down her checks. The pictures he drew inside her head with his voice made her choke on her own breath. She could exactly tell how painful and heartbreaking his experience must have been.

"You said, you saw that smile before...", she managed to choke out. He calmed down a bit and turned towards her. Seeing her tear streamed face seemed to take out all of his energy and he slumped down on the mattress he had been sleeping on. He suddenly looked very old.

"Yeah... it was the winter 1936. An especially cold one. The apartment I lived in never really got warm, no matter how we tried. Bucky was there to keep me warm but... she worked during the day. She came back every evening after work, wrapped herself around me and kept me warm. I still suffered from a variety of cold-induced illnesses. And one night... she just came home. Wrapped around me, I asked her why she did this. Why she had stayed by that scrawny, fragile guy's side who always had health issues. She laughed. I had heard her laughin' before, but never ever had I heard her laugh like she did back then. Warm and from the heart and I felt her body against my back. It sounded like a thousand little bells singing a song of happy days and warm weather. I have to admit I was glad she couldn't see my face back then. Must've been beet red."

A sad chuckle escaped Stevens lips and the same sadness found itself in his small smile. He threw his head back and looked at the ceiling.

"She said, she couldn't just leave me alone. That I would have died without her. That I was the kind of guy she felt the need to protect. Like a little brother. I said that I was clearly older than her but that only made her laugh more. 'Just because you are on this planet two years longer than me doesn't mean you're more experienced, Punk", she said. I had turned around to tell her that I was more experienced than her but.. the words just kinda stuck to my throat when I saw her smile. So full of care and..."

The man infront of Natasha was reduced to the 16-year-old scrawny and weak boy at his memories and grew beet red for some reason.

"...I... back then I thought I saw love mirrored in those galaxy-like eyes of hers."

And she understood. Just like before, his voice and the way he told the story drew up pictures in her head.

"Bucky was my best friend... and... I.. I left her to die."


	3. Chapter 2

_The smell of fresh summer air filled his nose. He could hear birds chirping and the rustling of soft grass beside him. When he turned his head, he looked right in the sleeping face of his best friend. Jamie Buchanan 'Bucky' Barnes. She was laying on her side, her face turned towards him. She seemed so completely at peace with a small smile on her plumb and rosy lips. He exhaled sharply and scooted closer to her. A soft breeze washed over them, moving her beautiful long and wavy brown hair. It was splayed around her and covered like half of her face, so he raised a hand and softly wiped the strands out of her face. Suddenly, the scenery changed. Drastically._

 _Cold sharp wind bit in his face and the hand that was about to move the hair of his best friend back on the meadow was now stretched out towards her hanging body, desperately trying to reach her. He called out her name, his voice hoarse and cracking. And she... she smiled. He looked at her face in disbelief and his eyes widened horrified. "Sorry, Stevie... I love you", she formed with her lips. And then... she fell. He screamed. Loud and long and as the train he was on moved away she fell and fell. Until she was out of sight._

It was the second time this night that he woke up to himself screaming like his life depended on it. Different from the last time, Natasha woke up as well and looked over to him with complete and utter shock.

His brain waisted no time recovering as the pictures of yet another nightmare haunted his waking mind. Tears streaming down his face he looked over to the red haired woman across the room.

She understood immediately. Natasha got up, walked through the room and sat down beside him.

"Bucky again?", she asked with the softest voice possible for someone like Natasha Romanoff. Steven nodded and choked sobs shook his whole body.

Within seconds, the great and powerful Captain America had been reduced to a pile of shivering pity.

Natasha could do not much more than rub his back to try and comfort him. She was never good with situations like these.

It took almost two hours for Steven to recover. His crying had died down and when he had stopped shivering, Natasha realized he fell back asleep.

She looked at his face and a wave of sadness washed over her. He had deep black bags under his eyes, indicating his lack of sleep. She wondered if it was the dim light or if the wrinkles had really gotten deeper since she met him.

He had told her the previous night that he had been haunted by those kinds of dreams since his best friend died on his watch back when he fought the nazis.

She didn't ask much. She stayed by his side, keeping a close eye on him in case he had nightmares again.

But nothing much happened and even though he had slept the night, he did not look much better in the morning.

* * *

 **Darkness. Nothing but darkness surrounded her. She did not knew how long she had been there. All she knew about was that man.**

 **She had completed her mission and shot the one-eyed guy dead. But that blonde man... he must have seen where she was. He jumped out of the window of the apartment and ran through an entire building to chase after her. His shield. He threw it at her. She caught it. It felt so natural, like another part of her. She risked a glance over to him before she threw it back at him. He caught it himself before it would have been buried in his stomach. It send him sliding back a few metres.**

 **She was glad he did not get killed. She did not know why but she was.**

 **Pain ripped through her head and she knew, he'd be forgotten soon. She hoped, he would not try to chase her.**

* * *

"He turned down the Peace Nobel Price. Saying that peace should never be something to be rewarded but something constantly present."

Ex-SHIELD-Director Nicholas Joseph Fury threw the picture of his assumed-to-be best friend Alexander Goodwin Pierce onto the shabby little table and pinched the bridge of his nose with his good arm.

"See, this is why I have trust issues", he said hatred glimmering in his right eye – the one still working. The left one was covered with his all present black eyepatch.

He was supposed to be dead. Nick Fury had been shot not too long ago. It was... surprising to see him alive and...well... not necessarily kicking since he was sitting in a wheelchair but good enough to engage in dissolving the remains of HYDRA which had build inside his own company, inside SHIELD's belly and right under his nose.

The black skinned man paid tribute to his last name because all that was written in his face and remaining eye and practically shouting from his entire body and aura was fury. Pure and unclouded.

"So, we find someone with enough intel to help us out" Natasha said. She earned a snort from Steven for that but she knew better. His bad mood was not because of Fury's lie or her statement.

"I think... I might be able to help out", a second black skinned man emerged from the shadows he had been hiding in. Steven crossed his arms and moved his weight from one foot to another. "What do you plan on doing, Sam?", he asked, his voice still hoarse from his screaming that night.

"Here." Said man threw a picture on the table, covering the one of Pierce in the process. Steven caught it just before it would have slipped over the edge. "You... is this Riley?" Sam nodded. Natasha looked at the photo and then at the young Man who gave it to them. "You never noticed, you were a pararescue. Is this Bakhmala? Must have been the Khalid Khandil Mission... that was you?" Sam shifted uncomfortably and nodded again.

Steven turned the picture. "What is this thing? I thought you said you were a pilot." Sam Laughed silently and shook his head. "Never said, I'd been a pilot." The two men look at each other. Minutes pass by as none of them even dare to breath. Then suddenly:"I can't ask this of you, Sam. You've gotten out there for a good reason." Steven dropped the picture and turned to go when Sam retorted:"Dude, Captain America needs my help! No better reason to get back in I'd say."

Again, they looked at each other. Stevens face lost all it's hardness as a brotherly grin grew on his lips. "Fine. I'm going to be on your left." Sam's eyes seemed to pop out of his head and when Steven actually left he shouted :"You serious man? I'm no superhuman like you!" His only answer was a loud laugh.

"So, Where do we get one of those things, Sam?", Natasha asked, looking at the picture closely. "The last ones at Fort Meade. Behind three guarded gates and a 12-inch steel wall." Natasha shrugged. "Shouldn't be a problem."

* * *

 **His face. She thought it would be gone as soon as the pain was. But it was there. The blonde hair framing his beautiful face with those wonderful blue eyes. Something inside her turned at this sight.**

 **She heard steps. "He is your next target. Be sure to kill him properly."**

 **She didn't respond. There it was. She had feared this would happen. The beautiful face she had burned into her memory was there. Right before her. Her beautiful Mister X should be the next target.**

 **She didn't even wonder why she called him hers. She was just sure that he was in some way.**

 **A loud smack and pain in her cheek. He had hit her. She took too much time. "Do you not understand, woman? He has to be dead by tomorrow. Hope you won't fail me." She nodded.**

 **She had to kill him. No matter who he was. He had to die.**

* * *

Steven was laying on his back and stared at the blank ceiling of their hideout. Natasha didn't come back. He assumed she knew he wanted time alone. After all he had to process what he had dreamed of that night.

 _Bucky._ Of course. Ever since she had died all those years ago the nightmares wouldn't leave him alone. But it was different this time. Usually he'd relive her final moment again and again, see her smile, her frame vanishing in the distance.

 _But not this time._ He rummaged through his head. Searching for the memories that had brought that warm day into his dreams.

 _There it was._ He had it. Clear as day. He had been out of town with her that day. His uncle had to go to a small village and since they had nothing better to do, they joined him for the day.

They had decided to spent their time on the meadows outside the village. Enjoying the warm and sunny day. They ventured out to make flower crowns and rolled through the warm grass until their clothes were green.

They laid in the grass laughing about some stupid joke Steven had pulled. The sun made both of them sleepy so they decided to take a nap together.

 _Like it had always been._ Yes, like it had always been. He was so happy to spent his time with her. To have her by his side not some other guy touching her soft skin and kissing those beautiful lips.

 _Beautiful lips..._ Steven jumped up from his current position only to meet a wooden joist just above his head. He felt the heat creeping on his neck, ears and cheeks.

 _Nononono, Bucky was your best friend. Of course you'd notice her not spending time with you! Of course you'd be jealous of any man who came into her life! He was stealing her precious time to be with you!_

He convinced himself that that was it and nothing more. Though a small part of his heart wasn't so sure of that, he quickly pushed that thought aside. Best friends. Nothing more. Nothing less.

 _Well... not that it mattered._ She was dead and he was to blame for it. Whatever that feeling was, it had been a spur of the moment thing and didn't matter anymore.

He dropped his suddenly heavy feeling body back on the mattress careful not to hit his head again.

He must have fallen asleep. Though not for long, since he could not remember dreaming anything this time.

Natasha had walked into the room and informed him of the location of Sam's suit as well as the operation starting like that second.

Steven had hurried to get into his suit and as soon as he put the helmet on, they moved out.

It wasn't that big of a thing. The guarded gates were an easy task for someone as skilled as Natasha and Steven held off the guys assigned to protect whatever was so important about it.

Even the 12-inch metal wall wasn't a problem since Stevens strength was comparable with a pile driver. It took him five powerful hits against the wall until it finally broke down.

They took the suit and moved back out. No resistance whatsoever they made it back to their hideout in no time. From there on out it was pursuing Jasper Sitwell

"How do New Yorks two most wanted people kidnap someone in broad daylight?", Steven sat at the table in their hideout and brooded over the fact that the guy would be gone by tomorrow.

"The answer? You don't", was Furys answer from somewhere in the back.

"I... may have an idea." "Spill it , Sam. I'm curious", Natasha said, not looking up from the papers she was reading for the last 30 minutes.

"Hello Mister Sitwell." The bold headed guy on the phone frowned. "Who is this?" "The good looking black guy ten o'clock from you. No the other ten o'clock. Yes, right here."

The man named Jasper Sitwell turned around to find a black man sitting at a coffee shop across the street waving at him with some orange drink in his hand.

"What do you want." The man seemed to chuckle a bit and answered: "I want you to go down the street and turn right. There will be a black car waiting for you, Mister Sitwell."

"And why would I do that?" The black man gave him a smug grin. "Because that suit looks reeeaaallyyy expensive. And I'd hate to ruin it."

Sitwell looked down his suit and saw the red spot on his chest. He looked around in panik but after all did what he was told.

Bursting through some rooftops door, Jasper Sitwell tumbled back closely followed by Steven and Natasha.

"Tell me about Zola's algorithm", Steven waisted no time. "Never heard of it", Sitwell was clearly panicking right now.

"Then, what where you doing on the Lumerian star?", The blonde continued his interrogation. "I was throwing up, I get seasick", Sitwell answered while backing up to the edge of the roof. He almost fell over the edge when Steven grabbed his suit and pulled him back towards himself.

Sitwell seemed full of himself, even though the situation looked everything else than good for him. Still, a smile spread on his face. Steven frowned at him and Natasha shot him a sceptical look.

There was a small break inbetween the questions and Sitwell gained some of his courage back, asking: "Is this little-ass Blaming to insinuate that you can throw me off the roof?`'cause it's really not your style Rogers." A smug grin still spread across his face.

"You're right, it's not" , Steven answered while smoothing out the wrinkles in the other man's suit. After a small pause, he continued: "It's hers" and moved to the side making way for Natasha.

The red haired woman took half a step forward and placed a well-aimed kick right in Sitwells chest, sending him off the roof.

"So, what do you think about the girl from accounting, Laura...Laura?", she asked him casually. "Lillian. She's the one with the lip piercing, right?", Steven answered and gestured to his mouth. "Yeah, she's cute, don't you think?" Steven scratched his chin, pretending to think about it. "Yeah, no. Not my style, really."

Just as he finished his sentence, Sam shot up on the side of the building, dragging Sitwell up on the collar of his suit.

He turned to fly over the roof and dropped the bald man only to land a few feet from him. His wings folded together in what looked like a jet pack and he turned around.

Steven and Natasha turned as well, walking over to the now completely panicked man. He got up on his knees and held out one hand as he screamed: "Zola's algorithm is a programm for choosing insights targets!"

The blond haired man in front of him demanded to know: "What targets?"

Sitwell was breathing heavily and had trouble forming complete sentences. "You... a TV actor in Cairo... The other secretary, a Highschool in Iowa city, Bruce Banner, Steven Strange, anyone who's a threat to HYDRA. Now or in the future."

Steven frowned. "In the future. How could it know?"

He laughed. Sitwell started to laugh and answered: "How could it not? The 21st century is a digital book. Zola taught HYDRA how to read it. Your bank records, medical histories, voting patterns, emails, phone calls, your damn SAT scores! Zola's algorithm evaluates peoples past... to predict their future."

"What then?", Steven asked. Sitwell breathed heavily and looked around. But he would not give an answer. Instead he murmured: "Oh my god, Pierce is gonna kill me."

Steven took a step forward and Sam grabbed the mans suit collar once more to hold him in place.

"What then?", the blonde supersoldier asked more demanding. Finally, Sitwell looked at him and with a strangely calm voice he answered: "Then, the insight helicarriers scratch people off the list. A few million at a time."


	4. Chapter 3

**It was him or her. She knew that. And still sh hoped they would come out of this alive. Both of them. On the other hand... if he survived, she would go back into cryosleep. Never knowing why her heart demanded him to be hers.**

 **Death would only be a relive for her. And Pierce knew that. He would not let her die.**

 **Her gaze shifted from the rooftop her precious Mister X was on to his black car. Was it his? She didn't care.**

 **She heard her shouting before the red haired woman came into sight. She was standing so close to _her property_ that a growl escaped her own lips. She had to move away or die.**

 **Shacking her head, she reminded herself of the task at hand. She had to follow that black car. And kill that blonde haired man.**

* * *

They were on their way to the helicarriers. "Oh my god... HYDRA doesn't like leaks", Sitwell said out loud. "Then why don't you try sticking a cork in it", Sam retorted immediately. Steven snorted, trying to suppress his laughter. Natasha, who sat in the back right beside the sweating HYDRA spy just rolled her eyes.

The window breaks. A metal hand reaching down to grab the bald guy by his collar. Then he was pulled away, screaming for a second until he was hit by a truck on the other side of the highway.

Natasha looked after him. Banging on the cars roof reminded her that there still was someone who posed a threat to them. Seconds later, bullets rip through the metal just millimetres from her. She crouched to the front seat onto Stevens lab and pushed his head forward. Another rain of bullets coming down way too close to the soldiers head. Sam ducked forward and kept driving.

* * *

 **She had Sitwell. He was in her way. She threw him away careless of what happened to him. A scrunching sound behind her and his suddenly dissipated voice told her that he'd been run over. She pulled the gun from it's holster and fired to were she assumed the red haired witch would be.**

 **She missed. So close. But still no hit. Instead she heard the quickening heartbeat and shuffling.**

 **She risked a peek. That witch _THAT TRAMP!_ SHE WAS CLINGING TO HER PROPERTY AGAIN; SITTING ON HIS LAB LIKE SHE FUCKING BELONGED THERE!**

 **She could not pinpoint why that made her so angry. But it did. Fuelled by hatred, she unleashed another magazine hoping to miss her Mister X this time but hitting that wicked witch.**

 **Nothing.**

 **The black guy. He was in her way too. So she reloaded and fired at where he should be. Still no hit. She growled.**

* * *

Steven choked on Natasha pushing close to him. He tapped around and found the hand brake. Pulling it with all the effort his body could put into it in this position, the car came to a screeching halt.

A body toppled over the roof and down the front. A graceful backflip and then... pure force as the person dug a shining metal hand into the asphalt. Long brown hair flowing with the current, he realized that she must be the one who had shot Fury.

The only person to ever catch his shield aside from...

Bucky.

She came to a halt. He heard the wires inside her gleaming metal arm as she released her grip on the remains of the asphalt and stood up straight. Her face. As she looked at the three people still inside the car, he saw nothing of her face.

There was the black mask covering the lower half of her face, just like the first time they met. But this time she wore black googles to cover her eyes and thus the upper half of her face.

She stood there. Right in their line cars passing by as if nothing happened. There was a long silence. Steven could feel her burning gaze even without seeing her eyes. Sam shuddered and Natasha just completely stilled.

Suddenly the woman on his legs moved, panicking and pulling a gun from nowhere. Right before she could pull the trigger, Sam shouted something and the car got crashed. They where shoved towards what was presumably the Winter Soldier Natasha had told him about.

No wonder she panicked. She had met that woman before. And had gotten shot right through her side because she had protected the man she was told to protect.

The Hummer from behind them shoved them forward without problems and just as they were about to run over the brown haired woman, she did another graceful flip and landed hard on the roof of their car. She had smashed the rear window in the process but she didn't seem to care.

Her metal fingers could still be seen through the front window as she clung onto the roof. Sam took a look into the rear mirror, then one to the roof where the woman was and then his feet hit the brake with all the force a well-trained human and ex-soldier could have.

However, it didn't do much. They where still going forward without slowing down. Sam decided to try and get away from the front of the Hummer so he grabbed the steering wheel tighter.

Just as he was about to move it, the metal arm ripped through the front window and the steering wheel right out of the car. Sam shouted out a "Shit!" between gritted teeth.

Meanwhile, Natasha had gotten her hand on her gun that previously fell from the pure force of the Hummer crashing into them. She turned upwards, a not-so-pretty growl on her face and blindly fired through the roof of the car.

Steven saw the woman jump from their black car onto the bonnet of the Hummer behind them and finally there was a little space between the cars.

Not for long. Without working brakes and a steering wheel, they were at fortunes mercy. And apparently their luck had run out.

The Hummer crashed into the rear of the car and it slithered a bit, hitting the side boundary. He saw her clinging onto the Hummers roof with the safety of I've-done-this-a-thousand-times and all hope to survive left him.

Once again the Hummer hit their back end and this time they nearly went flying. Steven gripped his shield a little tighter and screamed for Sam to hold on while he put an arm around a panicking Natasha. He broke of the door and while Sam rolled over the asphalt to crash into some random car, he and Natasha slithered on the door.

* * *

 **He had his arm around her. She knew the red haired woman from somewhere. Scouring her memories or what was left of them, she found the image she was searching for.**

 **The woman cowered around her target. No ready to move. She herself was not ready to let her target slip, so she shot. Right through that unreasonable woman into the heart of the scientist she tried so hard to protect.**

 **A wicked grin spread across her covered face and an ugly growl made its way out of her trachea. She would shot her again. And again and again AND AGAIN! Maybe that vile witch would learn where her place was then.**

 **The Hummer stopped and she jumped of its bonnet. Some random guy handed her a grenade launcher and she practically ripped it from his hands. But he knew better as to say something.**

 **The last one who did was found cold and dead, strung up by his own guts. She had made her point clear.**

 **He was at point blank range. That witch beside him. Another snarl left her and she aimed.**

 **She shot. He pushed the woman aside, taking the grenade to his shield directly. It blew him off to the streets below. Good. She could deal with him later. For now, she wanted to play cat and mouse with that vile woman sullying HER PROPERTY!**

 **She had hid behind a car. With deadly slow steps she was making her way to that particular car. Aim. Fire.**

 **It blew up but that whore kept escaping.**

 **The other side of the highway. Running behind the cars to seek shelter from the bullets the other guys fired. She aimed. Fired. Another car blew up. This time that red haired witch was nowhere to be seen.**

 **You cannot fool the Winter Soldier. She had heard the squeaking of the wires over the explosion.**

 **This was fun. That witch kept escaping and she actually had to _hunt_ her.**

 **A small chuckle escaped her lungs and soon grew into full-on psychic laughter. She grabbed a machine gun from some guy beside her and positioned herself atop the bridge, waiting for her prey to come out of it's hole. Seeing a wrecked bus, she remembered her actual mission and aimed.**

 **Just when she was about to pull the trigger, a bullet rebounded from her goggles. They cracked.**

 **She sagged down against the wall and took a deep breath.**

 **She ripped the goggles from her face, got up and blindly fired to where she assumed to have been shot from.**

 **She was wrong. That tramp was already further down the road, hiding behind a fire truck and firing as blindly as she herself was.**

 **She waited for her to reload to pop up behind the wall to fire another round at the truck.**

 **She missed. She saw her running down the road, looking behind her back. Waiting for to follow.**

 **Another psychic laughter erupted from her body and shook it forcefully.**

 **Within seconds she turned dead serious. Dropping from the bridge onto a car, she reloaded and followed that flash of red hair.**

 **The hunt had begun. And she would do anything to return successfully.**

* * *

As Steven came back to senses, he was laying in a tipped-over bus. The interior had been damaged and most of the windows where cracked.

He shook his head, trying to recall what happened. Suddenly a black figure appeared behind his eyes.

The assassin. The one Natasha had called Winter Soldier. She had tried to take his and his friends life. The one who had killed Fury.

Rage bubbled up inside him and a growl left his throat. He got up and crawled through the remains of the bus and along the way made sure no civilian was hurt.

As soon as he emerged, he heard the clinking of bullets on metal. The assassins companions fired round after round at him, no care as to hitting any civilians.

A sharp hiss made him jump and he caught his shield just in time. Looking around, he saw Sam on the bridge.

"Alive and kickin' as I see it pal!", he shouted out while hiding behind his recovered shield. Sam grimaced at him and only answered with firing a round of a machine gun he had pulled from out-of-nowhere at the guys below him.

He managed to take two of them out before a deadly rattle told Steven to find further hiding.

"SAM! Get your ass outta here pal! They have more in store!", Steven shouted hoping his friend would hear him. As soon as the blond supersoldier had ended his sentence, a bull of a man emerged from behind a bigger car.

He wasn't heavily armoured but he didn't look like he needed it. He had a minigun stripped around his body. "No wonder he's not wearing any armour... with that thing he won't have to worry about someone getting close enough to kill him", he growled to himself. _Aside from that dead silent Winter Soldier._ His mind reminded him.

At the thought of said person _if she even counted as person rather than a deadly myth_ he frantically looked around. He didn't want to be distracted by her companions for her to round him and shot him dead. Or cut open his throat.

She was nowhere to be seen. No flash of black clothing, no metal arm reflecting the sun, no sight of beautiful long brown hair swaying in the breeze.

Steven frowned. As much as he hasn't caught a glimpse of the Winter Soldier he didn't see Natasha as well. And that was definitely not good.


	5. Chapter 4

Natasha ran. For her dear life. Panicked. She looked over her shoulder. A flash of sun reflected on metal reminded her as to why exactly she was running.

A new wave of panic crashed over her. She couldn't run forever, she knew that. Still, that woman, the Winter Soldier who had been on her heels all the time since she had jumped from the bridge. Natasha knew that the brown haired woman would chase her until she herself killed her or got killed.

Well, she did not intend on getting shot down here and there. Not out in the public while she still had to settle some things with Fury. And Rogers.

Natasha gave it her all, running with burning lungs and heavy breathing. She caught a glimpse of the woman's black armour and realized with shock that she was way closer than before.

Even though her entire body felt like caving in and collapsing right in the middle of the street in-between screaming civilians and barking dogs she pressed on. Pushed her body to capacity's she herself didn't know she had.

And still the зимний солдат* kept _creeping closer!_

* * *

 **She followed. Silent. Deadly. Like she had always done.**

 **She could see the mob of red hair swishing through the streets. The other woman was fast. Even she herself had to admit that.**

 **Still. She was faster. Without any sings of exhaustion she sped up. No heavy breathing, no fastening pulse, no sweat.**

 **Even three blocks later where she could _smell_ the woman's exhaustion, her sweat running down her body in beads, she herself wasn't showing any such signs. She smelled her _fear_.**

" **That's right, fear me... You have done the wrong thing, girl.", she all but whispered under her breath. She could practically _feel_ the shiver that went through the other woman's body even though she could not have picked up her words. **

**The space between them decreased. Slowly. She liked to play this game.**

 **She was the big black cat and that red haired tramp was her little but satisfying prey.**

 **Their distance was decreasing at such a slow rate because she liked the challenge the other one posed. She had always liked a good challenge.**

 **Well, she rarely came across one. Since she was physically enhanced, a supersoldier how they called her, there was no human on earth who would really picture a serious threat to her.**

 **They had told her that the only person who could was long dead. Created almost 70 years ago he had supposedly crashed a plane into the arctic ocean and sunk with it.**

 **The space between her and her prey had widened again. She had been too lost in thought to keep up. It didn't matter.**

 **She picked up pace fast, closing the way further and further.**

 **She heard the pang. A second later, the smell of gun powder itched her nose and the bullet was about to hit her. She dodged. She had been good at this as long as she could remember.**

 **Not that she remembered much. Didn't matter. The fear painted across her target-by-own-pick's face deepened. A loud scowl ripped from her chest.**

* * *

They had taken out the minigun-guy at a surprisingly fast pace with his bullets rebounding from Stevens shield. He had hit himself with a few and now his head looked like Swiss cheese as it was perforated by multiple bullet holes.

Sam jumped down the bridge and high-fived Steven. They looked at each other for less than a second and took off into the direction they had seen Natasha last.

Following their way was easy. By-passers recognized Steven easily as Captain America and told him where to go as he passed them.

He had to be careful with his speed however. Sam wasn't nearly as fast as him and so he had to go rather slow for his usual pace.

Just as they had passed the third block from the starting point, Stevens enhanced hearing picked up a very alarming sound. It was an almost feral roar tinted with hatred and desire to kill.

And he knew exactly who it came from.

He sped up, following the ferocious sounds and leaving Sam behind. It wasn't that important. Once he passed a few tipped-over cars and a burning ambulance he saw them.

Natasha had backed down against a building holding out the gun she carried around. And at point blank range...

Her.

Her brown hair was flowing with the breeze just as he'd expected it to and her metal prosthetic reflected the sun. Fluid, almost cat-like movements defined her motions and she seemed to _dance around_ the red haired woman.

Realization hit Steven like a stone wall to his head. The Winter Soldier _played_ with Natasha. It was her definition of the cats-and-mice-game and it must have been up since he went unconscious.

He was impressed that Natasha had made it this far without being killed. She wasn't a super soldier and he didn't remember her having so much breath.

Coming closer he saw Natasha's chest weaving up and down heavily, tears in her eyes and fear painted across her entire face. In fact her whole body screamed fear and she seemed to be entirely frozen aside from the movement of her breathing and the tears streaming down her face.

He had never seen the Black Widow this distraught and he felt bad for her.

There was her living nightmare right in front of her, chasing her like some madman. Of course you'd be utterly exasperated.

He gripped his shield tighter and this time it was his turn unleashing a furious roar causing the assassin to turn around with a completely savage growl on her non-seen lips.

The googles which covered her eyes were gone and he could see the hatred, fury and savage anger mirrored in them as she knitted her brows together. She stopped mid turn, seemingly brooding over something. However it didn't take her long to recover.

With a bone-crunching scream more suited for a Banshee, she leapt forward, her right hand tightly grasping a knife and the left, metal one cramping into a claw-like form.

He had merely enough time to put up his shield as her metal arm crashed into it, leaving a dent in the vibranium. She made one of her graceful back flips and landed exactly where she had started her attack.

In the meantime, Natasha to defrost and picked up movement. Steven could see her pointing the gun at the back off the assassins head. Natasha was shivering like hell and he wasn't sure to really hit her target.

Then everything happened within mere seconds.

Sam dropped down from the sky making Steven jolt to the side. Natasha fired. The Winter Soldier moved towards Steven. And got hit.

She tumbled a few feet and both men in front of her moved away to get space between them. She stood there like she had been frozen. There where around 60 feet between him and the brunette.

Something clattered down on the burning hot asphalt. Turning his head slightly, Steven realized it was her mask. _Natasha missed._ But she NEVER missed!

Well, she did this time. And had slumped down the wall behind her because the very second she pulled the trigger she fell unconscious.

The brunette snorted and lifted her head.

Just to turn Stevens entire world around. Seconds became minutes, minutes became hours. As soon as she had lifted her head enough that Steven Rogers saw her face, the wind refreshed with new force and blew the last strayed wisps of brown out of her face, his whole being crumbled.

He stood face to face with his childhood friend and believed-to-be-dead comrade Jamie Buchanan 'Bucky' Barnes.

Disbelief settled heavily in his soul and his head started to ache. "Bucky...?", he forced out of his tightening throat that felt like his long-forgotten asthma came back.

A long moment they just stared at each other, he with disbelief and hope, she with a completely blank expression.

Then. "Who the fuck is Bucky?", she asked with so much ice in her voice that he felt like falling into the arctic ocean all over again.

* * *

 **That witch! She had completely forgotten about her as Mister X approached her while roaring full force. He had warded off her attack even though she felt pride as she saw the dent she had left in his shield. And then. She was shot.**

 **The witch didn't hit her head like she had surely intended to. Moving after Mister X had surely saved her life this time. But it was close enough for her mask to be blown off her face.**

 **She felt the blood dripping from her cheek where the bullet had missed her bones by the width of a hair. She heard the men in front of her retreating a few feet.**

 **She heard the remains of her protective mask clatter to the ground.**

 **But she had a mission to fulfil and so, she lifted her head.**

 **She saw his face turn from pure anger and concentration to disbelief and hope. What the hell did he hope for?**

 **After a long silence, he had finally asked: "Bucky?" she didn't understand.**

 **"Who the fuck is Bucky?"**

 **Then she pulled the trigger of her own gun.**

* * *

A/N: *зимний солдат means zimniy soldat or Winter Soldier. Since Natasha speaks russian, she prefers to refer to her personal ghost like this.


	6. Chapter 5

"I am sorry Cap. I never knew that the Winter Soldier was Sergeant Barnes." They had managed to escape even after the Winter Soldier, who turned out to be Jamie Buchanan Barnes, fired her gun at Steven.

The bullet had hit his shield and Sam assumed that Bucky never really tried to shot him (they had this discussion all the way back to their hideout). Steven didn't listen to his friend ("Jesus Christ, Steven! You were at point blank range merely 60 feet away! If she had really tried to hit you, she would have done so!") and Natasha had remained unconscious for the time being.

Fury's assistant, Steven never quite caught her name, had said that Natasha blacked out due to exhaustion beyond human capabilities and would remain such for some time.

"Even if, would you have ever told me, Fury? You have so many secrets. You make us spill everything but you keep this shit to yourself", Steven accused the Ex-SHIELD-director. "Christ, I never knew he could curse like a normal human. This is bad, man", Sam threw out from somewhere in the off.

"Could you just go fuck off, Sam? This is none of yer business!", Steven growled and for the first time in a long, his Brooklyn boy coming through with every word he spoke.

Grumbling something under his breath, Sam shuffled off to somewhere.

Meanwhile, Fury looked almost concerned. "I would have, Cap. But like I said, I never knew about it", the black man answered. Steven began going back and forth, his arms crossed over his chest and cursing under his breath.

Fury kept his eyes close on the blonde and gave him time. Which he desperately needed.

"I'm getting out of here", Steven suddenly stated, turned on his heel and walked away with all the anger he felt clearly displayed in his movements.

Sam shuffled into the light again and looked after his friend. "Should we follow him? I mean he's still one of New Yorks most sought after people...", he looked around and nobody answered: "Not.. okay.. guess I'll... be heading to bed then..."

He always felt uncomfortable around Nicholas Fury and so he was up and gone somewhere more comfortable.

Steven sat outside in the night, gazing at the black sky above. He could see the stars blinking like nothing happened. A grunt fell from his lips, followed by a deep sight.

He had found her and still... she wasn't back. He had felt so utterly happy when he saw her face earlier.

But she didn't remember him.

He looked up again and saw that the sky had gotten even darker, heavy rain clouds forcing their way between him and the unforgiving stars. He didn't mind.

Slow and shallow at first, it turned into a heavy downpour soon. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the cold, heavy drips on his skin and soaking his clothes.

Her face popped up in his mind. Not the one from back in the war with that fucking smug grin on it, that made him want to punch her every time she gave him that look.

No, it was the one from earlier that day. Anger and hatred on the surface but utter confusion behind that. She didn't remember anything, but the bewilderment in her eyes led him to believe that she wanted to.

He felt hot mingle with cold on his face. That was when he realized he had started to cry.

After so many years of believing he had left his best friend since childhood to die a cold and lone death back in the Swedish winter and finding out that somehow she not just survived what should have broken every bone in her body and let her freeze to death but had made it into the 21st century just like him. Looking not a day older than when he had last seen her smiling face fall from his view.

He sat there for what seemed like eternity, crying silently and not even moving a single muscle.

* * *

 **He survived. She had shot him, she was sure about that. But he survived nonetheless.**

 **They had made a pretty lame escape after that. The winged guy had picked both, her Mister X and the red haired witch and just like flew off.**

 **She sat in that room again. The cold metal against her lower body reminded her of all the torture she had been through.**

" **He survived. I told you, you must not fail me", the icy voice of her superior cut through her thoughts.**

 **She didn't react and caught a slap to her face for it.**

" **That man... on the bridge... I knew him. Who is he?", she asked, completely and utterly confused.**

" **You saw him earlier this week on another mission."**

 **They lied. She knew that. She did not just knew him because he had chased her over some rooftops in the dark of the night. She knew him way longer.**

 **His face popped up in her mind. Something inside her twitched at that.**

 **The beautiful face framed with golden hair and those deep blue eyes. Filled with pain and hope and sorrow and something else... something, she couldn't put her finger on.**

 **Gum inside her mouth. She was pushed back and the cold iron that touched her back made her shiver.**

 **She knew what came next. The would wipe her memories. While the headpiece sank down, she quickly tucked the picture of his face away, safe inside the deepest depths of her mind. Somewhere where they could not reach.**

 **The straps around her arms fastened and she frankly considered fighting. But she knew what would happen if she did.**

 **Then all was pain and sorrow and black and white flashes.**

* * *

Steven woke up on the mattress deep inside the catacombs. He didn't knew how he had gotten there. Grunting, he pulled his sore body to sit up.

His hair stuck to his forehead, the blanket was drenched in a mix of sweat and rain.

Everything came back. Bucky on that bridge. She hadn't recognized him. Even though he had. He had frozen and Sam barely managed to get them out of there.

He remembered sitting in the dark night outside on the meadows. It had started raining heavily. He didn't leave on his own accord, he sat in the rain and let the cold drops mix with his hot tears. Which started welling up all over again, as he remembered her cold expression as she asked: "Who the hell is Bucky?"

it could have been mere minutes, a couple hours or days. He didn't care. He heard Sam entering and leaving immediately. Same with Natasha, who seemed to be better.

He just sat in that dark corner on his layed through mattress with the thin blanket wrapped around his shacking body and let all the pain and sorrow flow. He didn't even sob or cough. He sat there in complete silence.

When there were no tears left to cry in his body, he started sweating. He felt cold despite the sweat running down his body in beads. From somewhere away, he heard Fury's assistant say: "He caught a cold. A pretty bad one, to be frank. Might be even worse than that."

He didn't bother to respond. Even if he had tried, he wasn't even sure what would come out of his mouth aside from croaking or grunts.

The next days where a haze. He slipped in and out of consciousness. Time wasn't something that mattered. They didn't bother him. Every time he woke up, there was a plate with food and a glass of water. He reluctantly ate and drank, though he wasn't sure if it was of any use.

He didn't want to live. He wasn't entirely sure, as to why he though that way. Sure, he had learned that Bucky, his sweet Bucky had been assigned to kill him, apparently with all her memories wiped. But was that really it?

 _No_ , he thought. _She was so important to you. Of course it would hurt,_ his mind tortured him. "That's not it", he growled to himself. _You loved her all along, boy. That is why it hurts so much that she does not remember you,_ the part of his mind, that he had shoved down last time when he was talking to Natasha about her, reminded him.

His eyes widened in shock. New tears, he didn't even know he still had, welled up in them. Did he really love her?

He looked back on all the times, he was jealous about some guy shoving his tongue down her throat. He had thought, he was jealous because she spent less time with him. Now he realized that he was jealous _because it wasn't him._ HE had wanted to be that guy who she spent the nights with. Who she would gift those gorgeous gazes across the room. He had wanted her to long for his touch and _his only._

He had wanted to do all those things with her, kissing her, holding her tight and maybe just maybe... he didn't want his mind to say it but it just tumbled out. _He had wanted to be the guy who she had sex with, the one who she would cuddle up with after a long night of loving._

New sobs shook his body and he crumbled down into a pile of self-pity and sorrow.

Well, apparently, Natasha had enough of it. He heard her steps before she moved into his line of sight and he saw her hand coming towards him too fast before he felt the slap right across his left cheek.

A painful yelp escaped his lips. It sounded like someone had stepped on a puppy's tail and he felt like the woman had just done exactly that.

"What the fucking hell is wrong with you? You're sitting here for days on end, crying your eyes out and once you come to your senses and we all think that you've dealt with everything, you start crying all over again!", she shouted at him.

He held his cheek, not daring to look up and meet the anger, that was radiating from her body and was surely reflected in her face. "Language...", escaped his lips warily.

Natasha sat down across him, forcing him to look into her eyes. They where filled with nothing but concern for her friend and he felt even worse for making his friends worry about him.

He sure had a shitload of things to apologize for by now.

"It's... Bucky... she didn't remember me. When you shot her, she lost her mask. And behind... there was Bucky. She didn't even look one day older than back when I was sure she had died. Nut she didn't look like Bucky... ah, it's weird to explain this... it was her face but...", he ended his rambling and ran a hand through his hair.

"...Like they put a new soul inside that body?", Natasha helped him and he frantically nodded.

"Exactly! That's... she.. of course I recognized her. I may be old as ass but I sure ain't senile yet." "Well... technically you spent most of that time frozen in some iceberg so...", Natasha said but Steven ignored her.

"She didn't _knew_ me, Natasha. She didn't realize it's been _me_ all along! Of course my loud mouth just had to open and say 'Bucky?' like some kind of idiot. But she... she just froze me with her gaze alone. And her answer was 'Who the hell is Bucky?' before she tried to shoot me!"

Natasha raised a brow. Sam, who had entered the room seconds before Steven finished, grunted and rolled his eyes. When he said: "I told you, she wasn't even trying to shoot you." his annoyance was clearly audible in that line alone.

"How the fuck was she not trying to shoot me, Sam? She aimed at my heart and pulled the freaking trigger! She was assigned to _kill me_! And I highly doubt that she'd have any free will who to kill and who not to as she _has none of her fucking memories left_!", Steven groaned, again pain dripping from his every word.

This time it was Sam's turn to pull back an arm and it collided with Stevens jaw.

"What the fucking hell, dude! I enumerated so many reasons why she did not really and honestly try to kill you and you just keep thinking that she did!" Steven sat in front of his angry friends completely astonished. He didn't even care, that his jaw hurt like hell.

Natasha turned to Sam with the sweetest of smiles she could pull and interested she asked: "Why would you think that the fucking _Winter Soldier_ would try to avoid killing her target?"

Sam cleared his throat and answered: "first of all, Steven was at point blank range. Second, she could have aimed for the unprotected parts like his head or his legs. But, no, she aimed for his chest, the only thing that had been covered by that ridiculous thing he calls a shield. Inhuman strength or speed, she didn't even aim for something uncovered forcing him to pull up his shield. Or down. Whatever. And third..." he raised an eyebrow at Steven at this; "the look in her eyes was not the desire to kill nor was it anger. It was pure and utter confusion. And behind that.. I'm not sure on that one though.. but I thought that behind her confusion, I saw recognition at this dumb asses face here."

After that speech, he crossed his arms in front of his chest and awaited the judgement. Natasha furrowed her brows and then turned to Steven with a determination that made him jump back. He obviously feared another punch or slap.

"Sam's right", the red head simply stated. "Of course I am... wait I am?", Sam was confused, he reckoned Natasha to tell him wrong.

Steven sighted. "He... might have a point." His two friends saw how much willpower it cost him to acknowledge that fact. But he admitted his mistake.

That didn't make anything better. They still had to face her in battle and that drew a concerned frown from both, Natasha and Sam. They knew that Steven wouldn't be able to actually eliminate Bucky. On the other hand, they had to take down the helicarriers.

Best would be before they where even up in the air.


	7. Chapter 6

**SLIGHT SMUT ALERT! SLIGHT SMUT ALERT!**

* * *

 **She was laying on her back and looked up at the ceiling on her chamber. They hadn't put her back into cryo. She was glad about it. She had time to think.**

 **The look on his face. It had twisted something inside her guts and she suddenly felt very very sad.**

 **Of course, she had missed on purpose. Wait.. did she? She sat up. Ruffled her hair in confusion. Groaned. She even resorted to hit her head against the wall to get _something_ out of it.**

 **It didn't help. So she just sat down on the bunk and thought.**

 **A name. There was a name inside her head. She reached out for it and before she knew, it rolled over her tongue. "Steve..." she clasped a hand over her mouth and her eyes widened. As soon as it came, it went and again, she was left alone.**

 **Darkness. Inside and out. She would kill him. Now way she would let him control her.**

 **Death would be a relief. Either hers or his.**

* * *

Steven could feel a shiver running down his spine. He sneezed and Natasha looked at him confused. "Uhm.. bless you?", she wasn't even sure about that.

"No no... it's fine. It was... someone said my name", Steven said and scratched his neck sheepishly.

 _Bucky..._ maybe it had been her. He could think of nobody else who he would get shivers and sneezes just from having his name spoken.

Of course there where some people who would manage that with their pure existence... (CoughcoughTonyStarkcoughcough) but he didn't want to think about it now.

He shouldn't to say the least. They were planning on how to approach the helicarriers and how to de-risk them.

It was a pretty short meeting. They had gone through their initial plan a few times, making sure none of them forgot their part. It was easy.

Steven was supposed to hold a speech to SHIELD's remaining non-corrupted employees to warn them.

Fury's assistant would watch over the helicarriers statuses and inform the others.

Sam would join Steven to help him access the helicarriers.

Natasha would try and ward of Winter Soldier. Bucky.

"Natasha... please don't kill her, 'kay?", Steven was visibly uncomfortable about that issue. Probably because he knew, that if Natasha would agree, she'd be one option short.

With Bucky determined to kill Natasha (they tried to find a solution as to why Bucky was so fixated on the Black Widow but couldn't discover anything) Natasha would be inferior to the female supersoldier.

Just because she had promised to let someone live who so desperately lusted after taking hers. Steven knew that and still he asked for that.

Natasha furrowed her brows, evaluating her chances against a supersoldier with intend to kill but agreed eventually. "Still, I hold my life dear. So if I have no chance of getting out without killing her, I'm afraid I'll have to break that promise."

Steven cringed but he had to make amends. After all, he asked for something big and he knew from the start that the woman would not leave him off the hook until he gave her something in return.

They hadn't talked about what Steven had realized the night prior. And he was glad they didn't force him to tell. It would bring his request into a whole new light. Besides, he didn't need nor want anyone to know how he felt. But since Natasha refused to stay in one room to sleep, he had his all to his own.

When he went to sleep that night, after a long and frustrating day of planning, going through their plan like a million times and making amends, requests and pleas, he sure as hell was tired. He flopped down on his mattress and a loud and long sight escaped between his lips.

Lips that felt chapped and he ran a finger across them. The skin had started to peel off and he could feel it rip beneath his fingers. It pricked but he didn't really mind.

When he sunk down into a small cushion they had found somewhere and closed his eyes, he saw her.

Problem was, he didn't just see her. He tore open his eyes, looking frantically around the otherwise empty room. He had been so sure to feel _breath_ against his burning skin.

But the room was empty aside from the mattress beneath him, a small dresser somewhere in the back and him. He sunk back down. Closed his eyes again.

 _There it was again_. He felt the tickling of breath against his neck and suddenly he was hyper-aware of his surroundings.

There were no steps, no audible breathing or a heartbeat. But that tickling feeling lingered on his skin. He grabbed behind him. There was nothing. Slowly Steven closed his eyes and there was her face.

"Bucky...", he whispered beneath his breath, sadness and love and sorry in his voice. He realized that he was daydreaming. Not the one where you just kinda space out and aren't aware of your surroundings.

It was the kind of daydreaming, his mother had told him about. You'd see what you most wanted to, what your heart's most desperate wish was. And of course his was Bucky.

Steven dreamed of her laying beside him, his arms around her, she stroking his face ever so softly. Her face looked he same as back then in this dreadful winter. He'd lift a hand, careful and anxious at first, but growing more confident as he touched her cheek. He dreamed about tugging one streak of her long brown hair out of the waves of it on her back and playing around with it. Curling it around his finger and smelling it.

He had that sweet sweet scent of Bucky in his nose. Summer and flowers and grass and just _Bucky._ He could almost feel her touch on his skin. His mother had warned him about sinking too deep into those dreams. You could get lost in them forever, never returning to reality. So he tried to cut it.

It worked much to his own surprise. But with waking up from such a pleasant experience, he suddenly felt.. himself. Or rather a particular part of his body coming to live. Much to his own displeasure.

oh no! He sure as hell ain't gon' doing _that here and now!_ He thought about the person who he wanted to be taken care of by and that all but helped. He groaned as he felt his pants growing more and more uncomfortable and restricting.

Steven cursed under his breath while he stood up to check if the door to his part of the catacombs still squeaked. It did. Loud and clear. He'd be able to hear it without problems.

And so he turned around, pulled his mattress to a part of the room that you couldn't directly see upon entering and turned out the lights. The only sound close was the shuffling as he got rid of his way to limiting clothes.

Yeah, sure. He had a mission to do and save a few billion lives. Didn't mean he wasn't just a man with the feelings and needs of one. (When was the last time he did that? Oh right. It had been before he froze for a decade)

He felt himself twitch in anticipation and once again he closed his eyes. Pulling up a picture of naked Bucky in his mind, he went all crazy and was over the edge and cumming in an embarrassing short amount of time.

Steven felt the heat of embarrassment creep up on his neck and ears. Here he was, idol to many kids and teens, respected for who he was and what he did. A grown ass man, still resorting to masturbating. Well, in his defence, the woman he truly wanted wasn't just out of his reach. She felt the exact opposite as the last time they met, she had wanted to _fucking kill him_ (That was until he said her name. But she didn't even remember him.)

"So much for being an idol huh? I know what she would say if she was here. 'C'mere Steve. They will never know' my ass. And she would laugh. Probably because I was too far away to notice her walking in on me fucking masturbating", he rambled. Not even this made it better.

Nor Natasha suddenly standing right next to him with a mixed expression. Half amused to do exactly what Steven had been rambling about, sour because... she didn't even knew.

Steven yelped at her sight, growing beet red in mere seconds and scrambling as far away as possible.

"Never knew the great Captain America was just a man as any other", Natasha teased him. No response gained. "C'mon, put on your suit and get up loverboy. Time to move out", she said and turned around.

Steven frowned. How long had he been captured by his dream? As soon as Natasha had left the room, he let out a long and loud scream. He got dressed (using his white shirt to clean up. It was white anyway...) and moved to meet the others.

He saw Natasha's smug grin before he even entered the room halfway and immediately felt like turning on his heel and run. He tried to hide his blood flushed cheeks best as possible and went to stand beside Sam. Waves of embarrassment flooded through him and when he turned to face the Black Widow, he knew she was never going to let him life that down.

"Concentrate on our mission. Safe the helicarriers and shut their target-system down. Then you get out of there as fast as possible. Got it?", Fury reminded them of the plan one last time and everyone nodded.

"Move out!", the black one eyed man barked and they followed his orders.


	8. Chapter 7

A man in SHIELD attire opened the door with a security card. Behind that door – Captain America, Falcon and Fury's assistant. They moved in on him and a panicked look spread on the guys face. "Excuse us.", Cap said while Falcon and Maria aimed at him.

The young man backed up with his arms raised.

"Attention all SHIELD agents, this is Steve Rogers." It blared out of the speakers all over the Triskelion and caused a confusion from the people.

"You've heard a lot about me over the last few days. Some of you were even ordered to hunt me down. But I think it's time you know the truth."

A slight hesitation then: "SHIELD is not what we thought it was. It's been taken over by HYDRA. Alexander Pierce is their leader."

The senates looked at Pierce with discomfort and question.

"The STRIKE and Insight crew are HYDRA as well. I don't know how many more but I know they're in the building. They could be standing right next to you. They almost have, what they want."

Pierce took out his smartphone and tipped something.

"Absolute control. They shot Nick Fury and it won't end there. If you launch those helicarriers today, HYDRA will be able to kill anyone that stands in their way. Unless we stop them. And I know I'm asking a lot. But the price of freedom his high and always has been. But it's a price I'm willing to pay. And if I'm the only one then so be it. But I'm willing to bet I'm not." Steve got away from the microphone and turned around to look at Falcon.

"Did you write that down first? Or was it off the top of your head?", he asked with a grin on his features.

* * *

Pierce tried to get off the hook. Tried frying the senators. Lucky for them, Natasha had been amongst them, avoiding anyone getting killed. "I'm sorry", she said while taking off a mask; "Did I step on your moment?" Pointing a gun to Pierce's head, she told him to put the pad down. Another senator took out his gun and while he aimed at Pierce, ready to shot at any times, Natasha hacked her way into the main system of SHIELD.

"Disabling the encryption is an expert task that needs two level Alpha members", Pierce noted sharply. Natasha however just shrug it off and answered: "Don't worry. Companies coming." It caused silence to befall the room as the rasping sound of helicopter blades grew louder from the distance.

Pierce took one last sceptical look at the red haired woman and turned to the window. There was what had made the sounds. The helicopter landed and the door opened. At first only feet could be seen from underneath. Whoever that man was walked to the glas doors of the entrance and opened them.

When he turned around the corner, he revealed himself as Ex-SHIELD-Director Nicholas Joseph Fury. Pierce sucked in his bottom lip and nodded as if he had never planned on anything.

The sound of helicopter blades subsided in the background as Fury made his way over to his believed-to-be best friend. The look in his eyes was pure ice, tinted with as much hatred as Fury could have (and that's not little guys)

"Did you get my flowers?", Pierce asked him with an absolutely displaced confidence. Fury didn't answer, he just glanced over at Natasha who turned to the keyboard again.

"I'm glad, you're here Nick", the white man said. The other one immediately retorted: "Really? Cause I thought you had me killed." "You know how the game works." "So, why make me head of SHIELD?" "Cause you were the best and most ruthless person I've ever met." "I did what I did to protect the people."

"Our enemys are your enemys, Nick. Disorder, war. Just a matter of time before a dirty bomb goes off in Moscow or the EMP fries Chicago. Diplomacy? Taking action and abandon it. And you know where I learned that? Bogaton. You didn't ask, you just did what had to be done. I can bring order to the lives of 7 billion people by sacrificing 20 million. It's the next step, Nick. Do you have the courage to take it?", Pierce ended his speech provocatively looking at Fury. "No. I have the courage not to", the black man answered and grabbed his arm.

He pulled him closer to the big glass screen. "Red nose scanner active", a robotic voice informed them. Natasha picked up her gun and again pointed it at Pierce, who didn't seem to care as he turned to Fury and chuckled: "You don't take that we wiped your clearance from the system?"

"I know you erased my password. Probably deleted my red nose scan. But if you wanna stay ahead of me, Mister secretary...", Fury made a slight pause in which he pulled up his eyepatch and revealed a big scar and a blinded eye; "You need to keep both eyes open."

All confidence left Pierce and he turned towards the screen. Blue circles zoomed in on his right eye and Fury's left one. "Access denied. Restricted access.", the robotic voice informed them.

"I could have told you this before, Nick. You knew that we erased your Rednose pass and you still try to get in?", Pierce was so full of himself, it nearly made Natasha throw up that very second. "I have everything I wanted", Fury answered, pointed a gun to Pierce's head and shot. The man flew through one of the glass screens. A black hole in his forehead, it's edges tinted with dark red blood.

* * *

Meanwhile outside, Steven and Sam where running across the flight field to get to the helicarriers. "Hey cap! How do we know the good guys from the bad guys?", Sam asked, a little out of breath. Steven looked at him for a brief second, then answered: "If they're shooting at you they're bad!" "Alright!"

With that Sam opened the wings of his pararescue-suit and took of while Steven just jumped down on one of the carriers.

Without slowing down, he made his way towards the belly of the giant plane. He took out a shooter and hid behind some crates. Pulling a hand grenade from the other man's belt, he sharpened it and threw it to some other guys approaching him.

It blew up and the three guys with it.

Sam was great with his suit and he knew how to use it. He spiralled through the sky like a real falcon and soon the helicarriers guns had picked up on him. He was too fast for them to hit, but they didn't miss by much.

"Hey, Cap! Found those bad guys you were talking about!", he shouted and Steven heard him through their transmitters.

"Okay", he simply replied and watched Sam for a moment completely amazed as he gracefully avoided getting shot out of the sky.

"Falcon, status!", Maria's voice interrupted his starring and he turned. "Engaging!", Sam answered and turned to fly exactly to the helicarrier. He flew a few curves and pulled out his guns. Tacking a HYDRA agent down, he turned and looked around. "Alright Cap, I'm in.", he said as he stood on Deck.

Just as Steven was about to answer, a jet landed on in front of Sam. His only reaction was: "Shit!" as he turned around and took off once again.

Flying snakelines between the jets on deck, he avoided most of the bullets as they hit the other jets. The one following him send out missiles and even though he was too fast to get hit by the explosion, he took a swing from it's force and fell down over the edge of the carrier.

Sam went for a dive under the carrier's belly, closely followed by the jet behind him. They fired round after round but none of the bullets actually hit their target.

Meanwhile, Steven on board of the second carrier, made his way through wave after wave of HYDRA agents, who where on high alert. For a brief moment he though his speech hadn't been the best of the ideas he ever had.

"Eight minutes, Cap", Maria said. Steven just replied with: "Working on it." and threw his shield to get rid of the last man in sight. He barged inside the carrier, making his way down to the target chip compartment.

He made it down without any big problems and replaced the target chip.

"Alpha locked", he reported and the Alpha carrier turned green on the screen Maria was watching at.

"Falcon? Were are you now?", she asked, slight panic tinting her voice as the had only six minutes left. "Had to take a detour!", was the answer and she heard shooting in the background.

The jet that followed Sam fired another round of missiles. Target following missiles. Sam took a sharp tunr, leading some of them to explode into nowhere. He turned back to fly under the carriers belly and the missiles exploded behind him on different parts of the ship. Still, there were some left following him and so he folded his wings and curled up into a ball. Well, more like a stone because that's how he was falling now like.

As soon as he passed by the glass bulge on the carriers underside, the missiles just flew right into it, creating a hole in the glass. Sam got his wings back out and took another sharp turn back were he came from, just to fly through the resulted hole.

"I'm in", he briefly informed Maria and replaced the ships target chip.

"And back out!" With that he shot down outside and away from the carrier.

The second carrier image shown on Maria's screen got green and she simply said: "Two down, one to go."

* * *

The air force team of SHIELD had mobilized during the time they took to take out the first two carriers. "Get them up, we're the only ones supporting Captain Rogers here!", a command could be heard all across the flight field. As soon as the first jet took off, it was immediately shot by one manned with HYDRA agents. It came crashing down and burst into flames, taking many people to death.

Through all the commotion, the Winter Soldier returned to the battlefield. Waving long brown hair as always, she made quick game of the remaining jets with her grenade launcher.

As soon as she ran out of ammo for it, she just tossed it to the side and switched to a full-automatic machine gun. Wherever she shot, she made clear disaster out of the place.

Finding an unused hand grenade, she picked it up and threw it into one of the remaining jets just before it's loading hatch closed. It caused the whole thing to blow up with several men inside.

The Winter Soldier had no time to watch it, as she was targeted by a guy with a semi-automatic. She raised her left arm and the metal deflected the bullets. Since she had no ammo left for her own machine gun, she went back to good old hand-to-hand combat, taking out people with tremendous kicks and well placed beating.

Being a scientifically enhanced supersoldier with a metal arm surely paid off in this moment. She put a good aimed kick to some workers guts and sent him flying off into one of the turbines of a jet, causing it to explode.

The last jet was about ready for take off. The man in the cockpit hysterically tried to get the metal bird into the air. He wasn't fast enough however as a loud thud on the roof of the jet made him turn his head.

To face the mouth of a gun, pointed directly to his head.

One shot, two shots. He slumped back in his seat, two holes in his forehead.

The Winter Soldier slid down the jets side and ripped off the window. As she was about to enter, she saw the flash of red in the corner of her eyes.

"Oh, did I interrupt you, darling? Too bad, I can't let you get away, sweetheart." Natasha stood in front of her. She knew, she would not need to hold the brunette back. She'd come to her all by herself.

* * *

 **The wicked witch. She was there. No fear, no panic. The two of them glared at each other a few moments. Then, that feral roar as the grey of her own eyes mixed with the red coat of rage, anger, hatred. The other woman pulled a gun from somewhere and fired. She missed, but... why did it look like she missed _on purpose?_ **

" **You know, your precious boyfriend Steve made me promise not to kill you..."**

 **She froze mid-step. "Boyfriend..? What the fuck are you talking about?", she growled but kept her distance. Maybe it was all a scheme to lull her into trusting them and then.. someday... when she wasn't of any use any more, they would get rid of her.**

" **That blonde big hunky guy? Seriously, he's been crying over you for at least a week girl", she threw in another gut-twisting comment.**

 **Why was it gut-twisting? She felt it, felt her insides turn upside down and it made her want to throw up.**

" **I don't know what you're talking about. Dunno if you've ever been in a fight like this before, but... there's usually not this much talking."**

 **And with that she ended said talking. She was dead silent after this, not a single sound came from her aside from the whir of the wires inside her arm.**

 **They fought, back and forth. Since Winter Soldier had no wide-ranged weaponry left, the redhead was clearly superior to her. Some moments, she would get close enough to use her knifes, others she had to hide behind her arm to avoid being shot.**

 **But then... the other woman made a crucial mistake. She turned her back to the fight. And that was it.**

 **Finally.**

 **She had finished her hunt successfully.**


	9. Chapter 8

"Hey Sam? I'm in need of a ride!" Steven was running across the deck of the first helicarrier as he approached the edge. A Soldier behind him got ready to fire a rocket launcher.

"Roger! Let me know when you're ready!", Sam answered, turning to fly towards the edge Steven would fall off. The soldier fired and Steven was pushed forward by the momentum of the explosion and jumped off the edge.

"I kind of did!", Steven shouted into the small mic as he began falling like a stone. Sam spotted him and went into nosedive after him. The blonde spread all his limbs out to lessen the momentum of the fall, knowing Sam would have to go against it.

He heard his friend approaching and turned around mid-fall. The black man grabbed his hand and turned upwards, shouting from the strain his muscles were put under.

But he eventually made it back up and flew right for the third and last carrier.

Dropping Steven off and landing himself, he mentioned: "You're a lot heavier than you look." With a small smile on his lips, the addressed simply answered: "I had a lot of breakfast."

They were walking down towards the door that would lead them to their destination, as a blurred black movement came out between two crates and tackled Steven off the edge of the deck.

Sam immediately tried going after him, shouting: "Steve!". But he got grabbed by one of his extending wings and hung off the side mere seconds, before getting pulled pack on deck. That was when he got a view who the blurred black shadow had been.

It was the Winter Soldier. Who else could it have been, throwing Steven out of the way so easily.

Sam grabbed out his guns right away, firing at her. Just like before, she got out of the way by simply doing one of her graceful flips sidewards behind an oil tank.

As soon as she was out of reach to pull his wings again, he shot off to try and rescue Steven.

Well, he didn't come far, as the Winter Soldier was prepared for long-range fights with a winged human. She took out a grappling gun and fired it to collide with the wings. With a forceful pull from her metal arm, she had Sam crashing down on the deck in no time. A second pull and she had one of the wings clean ripped off of the jet pack.

Then, she dove in for the kill, running full speed and using her momentum as she kicked Sam of the edge of the carrier. Once again, he came falling like a stone. Luckily, the suit was prepared for such situations and he shed the remaining wing, only to be replaced by a parachute. He landed roughly on the Triskelion's roof and turned up to try and see if he could spot Steven.

When he didn't get a sight of the other guy, he pulled up his own microphone and worriedly shouted: "Cap! Cap, come in, are you okay?"

After a few seconds of silence, Steven answered: " Yeah, I'm here. I'm still on the helicarrier! Where are you?" a growled: "I'm grounded. The suits down. Sorry cap" was his reply.

"Don't worry, I got it!" Steven wondered if he really got it, but he had less and less time to think, so he headed to the glassed chamber on the carriers belly.

He didn't notice Winter Soldier staring down on the side, catching every word with her enhanced hearing.

* * *

 **She knew where he was headed. And she made her way there. Anger, rage, hatred, it all bubbled up inside of her.**

 **She had been created by an army of scientist and it took as many men to keep her under control. Why would one single human being have so much power over her?**

 **No. She didn't want to know. She just wanted to kill.**

* * *

While Steven was still occupied with the last helicarrier, all hell had broken loose on the ground. Employees panicking and running around like meerkats who sighted an eagle. Warnings sounded over the speakers, telling every last person to get somewhere safe, far away from the fight.

The halls of the Triskelion where empty, only one single man creeping through them. He was prepared to shoot whoever would be there if he turned the next corner.

A number of employees who hadn't made it outside by now came around and he mercilessly shot every single last dead.

"Sir, Pierce's dead." The voice came out of a small headset on Brock Rumlows head. "Repeat dispatch. We cannot let them win!", he shouted back. His only answer was : "Fury's up there." An ugly scowl split his face and he growled: "Headed up."

Brock kicked open a door to a staircase and made his way upwards.

Not unseen by Maria, who informed Sam: "Falcon? Rumlow's headed for the council." "I'm on it", he replied on turn and threw off the heavy jacket of his suit.

"I'm on forty-one, headed for the south-west stairway." Rumlow opened the door, only to immediately meet Sam's fist flying to his face. Next up was another shot for the face, this time it was the black man's knee. Rumlow got back up and gave Sam an ugly headbutt. The taken tripped back and slid a few metres.

"This is gonna hurt", the HYDRA agent spit out and took off his jacket to have more mobility. "There are no prisoners with HYDRA. Just order. And order only comes through pain."

Sam had gotten up during Rumlow's little rant and looked like he'd kill the man off right that second with bare hands if possible. His opponent raised an eyebrow and laughed: "You ready for yours?" the other, as casual as he was from time to time, just spit one sentence. "Man, shut the hell up."

That was when their fists met.

* * *

The helicarriers were up in the air and only a few minutes were left for Steven, as Maria kindly informed him. "I know, I know! I'm going as fast as I ca...", Steven broke off.

Right in front of him, between him and the chip panel, was she. Bucky. If she was here, what happened to Natasha? Had the Winter Soldier really killed the Black Widow? He would have to find out later. There were more pressing matters to attend to.

He shook his head and said: "Many people are gonna die. I can't let that happen." After a short pause without gaining an answer, he added: "Please, don't make me do this." Despair growing in his voice and his eyes.

She didn't answer. Just let her head sink a little. Steven knew that look. Another thing, that hadn't changed. This meant nothing else than _fight me._ He took a deep breath before he swung back his shield and threw it right at her.

She warded it off using her arm and Steven caught it, only to pull it in front of his face to avoid the bullets directed at him.

Moving in closer, they immediately jumped into hand-to-hand combat, Bucky's powerful punches with her left arm leaving little dents in his shield. He made a tactical error and suddenly, she had him pulling his shield to his face, while she went down on her knees and shot past the vibranium plate.

He felt the bullets enter his left side and pain shot through his body. But he was still more than capable to fight and when the woman got up, believing to have made the game, he spun around and hit his shield into her face. It sent her flying back a few metres and she collided with the container.

It wasn't of much use, because Steven hesitated to really go for the kill. She got back on her feet and pulled out an all to well know knife.

He avoided the knife and lifted his leg to kick her, which she fended off easily, turning it so that he lost balance for a second. That was enough for her to deliver a forceful punch to his shield.

Steven had seen it coming and used her momentum against her, sending her away from the containers. She stumbled over her feet and he used that time to open the container.

As soon as he did so, he had to turn around and defend himself against her once more, resulting in another repartee. For a brief moment, her flesh hand clasped around his shield, he holding ground, he saw her face up close.

Anger, hatred, rage and something much more fundamental. Confusion. But it only lasted for a second, before the wires in her metal arm started whirring and she pushed the two of them apart.

Again, Steven used the few seconds to try and put the last exchange chip in it's place. But he only got so far as to pull the one inside from it's place, when he had to turn and ward off yet another punch that made a metallic sound on his shield.

He pushed her back and used his shield's sharp edges as a knife-replacement.

He swung at her face and she ducked away underneath it. Another swing in her direction left him defenceless when she threw in a well-timed punch. It only missed by millimetres.

He ripped forward his hand in return, causing them to get tangled up in each other for a second. Steven felt the warmth of her body seep through her heavy armor.

Then, they separated. Clean and unclouded fury stood in her eyes as she let out her banshee-like scream and charged into him, sending both off the railing.

Mid-fall the replacement chip fell out of the bag it had been in. Bucky was faster. She had always been. But in this very moment, he realized how fast she really was.

She got her hands on the chip and kept it tightly gripped.

They wrangled for a few moments, before they fell down onto the glass, the only think keeping them from a 3000 miles deep fall.

Steven hated himself for what he was about to do, but he had no choice.

He placed an arm around her neck and pulled. Trying to escape the chocking grip he had on her, she raised her metal arm. But the blonde kept on it and forced her arm back down with his leg.

She did resist for a few more moments, before her body stilled, releasing the grip on the target chip.

He grabbed it, knowing he didn't have much time. She was the same as him, she would be back up in no time. As he climbed back up, she proved him right. A bullet ripped through his left leg and the pain nearly caused him to fall down again.

"Keep it together, Rogers"; he growled at himself and continued to climb up. Just as He was about to put in the chip...

Another shot. It went right through his stomach, leaving him crumbled up in pain and struggling to breathe.

"Cap, we only have thirty seconds left!", Maria's voice barked out the speaker on his suit. So, he forced himself to sit back up and put the chip in it's respective place.

"Where are my fucking targets?", a man, clearly a superior, barked through the room. All of a sudden, the 20 million people who where supposed to be HYDRA's and Insights targets, had dissipated. Only three left: the carriers themselves.

Maria gained full control over the giant flying warships. "Cap, get out of-", she was cut off by Steven shouting: "Shot, now!"

"Wha-why would I do that? Get out of there, Cap, hurry!", she replied with disbelieve. "I said shot them NOW!", Steven barked his answer with the remaining bits of power left.

Maria shook her head and did as she was told. The first explosions sounded and Captain America closed his eyes.


	10. Chapter 9

**The carrier was shaking, explosions sounding all around. Parts of the gigantic airship were coming down all over the place and she tumbled around like a new-born foal. He did too. And then... one of the metal joists came crashing down onto her.**

 **His former actions had left her right arm to basically no use, as he had dislocated her shoulder. So, she was stuck between the joist and the cold glass beneath her.**

 **She put all she had into it, pushing the metal away from her. But even the inhuman power output her left arm could do wasn't enough and the weight was slowly crushing her. She felt the first bone break.**

 **Right side, the third rib.* The pain was too much and she screamed and wiggled and tried all tried her best to get her body out. But all of her efforts went to waist.**

 **She looked up. She would die here, she was sure of it.**

 **And he got to live on.**

* * *

As the carriers fired round after round into each other, the first one to crash down was Alpha. It collided heavily with Beta, the one Sam had dealt with.

Speaking of which, he was still in his fight with Rumlow, trying his best to keep up. The HYDRA agent got a good shot at Sam and threw him off into some glass monitors, which immediately shattered into pieces, the black man laying between them.

Rumlow stood above him, his face covered with a winning grin and he asked: "You ready your debt, kid." Sam's gaze zoomed in on the side of a carrier right behind Rumlow and instead of trying to fight, he jumped up and ran.

Confused by this outcome, Brock turned around to see the Alpha carrier crashing into the Triskelion. He made a desperate try of escape but it was of no use. Falling pieces of the building piled up and buried HYDRA's STRIKE force head underneath them. A last scream escaped Rumlow's lips as he died.

Sam on the other hand had had a good head start at it. And he was obviously faster than his opponent had been. He ran at top speed and fumbled with the microphone. "Please tell me you got that chopper in the air!", he shouted into it, desperate to find a way to escape before he ran out of breath. Maria's voice replied: "Sam! Where are you?"

"Forty-first floor north-west corner!" "We're on it, stay where you are!"

Sam gave a panicked chuckle and roared back: "NOT AN OPTION!" because the building was still collapsing all around him.

Fury, who flew the helicopter, kept an eye out for Sam. And saw him just the second he burst through a window. Hurriedly, he pulled the chopper to the side so that Sam wouldn't be cut up by the rotor blades. He fell right into the chopper – and nearly out of it again, as his momentum and weight carried him all the way through to collide with the second door which burst off.

Natasha grabbed his hand and pulled him back in. as soon as he was out of danger, Sam angrily shouted: "Forty-first floor, Fury, Forty-first!" Said just turned to face him briefly and replied: "Not like them to put the floor numbers on the outside of the building!" Then he navigated them away from the building underneath the crashed carrier.

Natasha kept both eyes on it and soon pulled up her mic. "Hill! Where's Steven? Got a location on Rogers?" No answer gained. The Black Widow lost all hope to see her friend ever again.

* * *

Steven wasn't dead. Not yet.

He heard the pained scream, saw her fright-filled gaze. And even though she seriously shot him and tried to kill him multiple times, he felt the strong need to protect her. Even if she was a woman who didn't need protection, even if she was a strong and head-on person. Even those people need help sometimes.

And he saw her begging, pleading for his help. He jumped down to her and fear surged up in her eyes. She was sure he'd kill her.

Instead, he kept his distance to show her he posed no threat to her and pulled at the joist. A new explosion shook the carrier and he tumbled back, only to immediately grab on to the metal again, pulling as hard as he could.

He pulled it up and she got a better grip on it as well. Together, they got the joist up just far enough for her to scramble out underneath it. For a brief moment, heavy panting was all that filled the air as Bucky looked over to Steven, a mixed expression on her face. Confusion, hatred, anger and gratitude blended in it.

Steven on the other hand was pure determination. "You know me", he stated the fact as it was. For a second there, he though he had gotten through to her, before she pulled up her left arm, cords whirring inside and answered with a screamed: "No, I don't!" before colliding her clenched fist with his shield.

They scrambled up to their feet and looked into each others faces. "Bucky... you've known me our whole life." She seemed to actually think about it. Then, another scream, another punch.

She hit him right in his face, making him spin to drop down on his knees. Steven stood up and started talking again. "Your name.. is Jamie... Buchanan Barnes." His efforts where met with a hell-bending "Shut up!" as she delivered the next punch to his shield. Her actions became less and less coordinated and all the more desperate attempts to make him stop talking.

They both didn't have much energy left. Their earlier fight had robbed most of it and getting Bucky out underneath the joist consumed another huge part.

No steady breathing, no superhuman stamina but only two people franticly trying to achieve their respective goals.

Steven ripped the helmet off his head, throwing it to the side to be forgotten. He stumbled backwards a few steps and again, they faced each other.

Bucky's hair was blown from her face and fear, confusion and exasperation where clear in her eyes. A cut in her left cheek, a bruise on the right side of her face.

Steven took a deep breath, tilted his head backwards and said: "I'm not gonna fight you." With that he subconsciously let go of his shield and it fell down into the water below them.

"You're my friend."

That sentence alone seemed to give Bucky some energy back, as she simply replied by charging into Steven full force. He tumbled over his feet and fell backwards, Bucky hovering over him.

"You're my mission!"

It was nothing more like a hiss underneath her ragged breath, but it broke Stevens heart. She pulled back her metal arm and delivered one, two, three, four powerful punches to the blonde's face.

She didn't stop. And he didn't want her too.

Knowing that his heart's most desired thing was something he would never get his hands on, he accepted to die. He should have been dead for 70 years anyway, so why fight it?

To his big surprise, she didn't continue hitting him after she took a deep breath. Her arm was still up in the air, ready to shot down on his jaw anytime, but she didn't. She swung it around while sucking in much needed air.

"Then finish it."

Steven was trying to encourage her to beat him to death if it made her feel better. But the outcome was the exact opposite of what he had wanted. Aside from the heaving of her chest as she breathed, Bucky stopped moving alltogether.

"You know, I'm with you... till the end ...of the line", Steven choked out. Her eyes widened and she held her breath. Sadness settled on her face and a tear fell down onto Steven's cheek.

He saw the tank coming before it hit, breaking the metal and shattering the glass beneath him. He felt the wind in his hair and on his face as he fell down. She clung to a more or less stable joist and watched after him.

 _That must be how she felt back then... damn jerk... now I know why you did what you did..._ it was the last thought that crossed Captain America alias Steven Grant Roger's mind before he closed his eyes and smiled.

* * *

 **He fell from her reach. Something tugged at her heart. The smile on his lips... she came to and a long and loud scream left her throat. "STEVE!"**

 **Fear and helplessness settled into her soul as she watched him falling alongside the destroyed carrier.**

 **Then a sudden determination came crashing to her as she let go of the joist she had been holding on to. Diving nosedown after him, ignoring the pain in her eyes as they dried from the sharp wind that bit her.**

 **She kept her eyes on his frame, not wanting to miss where he would go down.**

 **He hit the water with a heavy splash. And he wasn't moving.**

 _ **WHY THE HELL WASN'T HE MOVING?!**_

 **Another scream left her beaten down lungs and she felt a new wave of tears crashing down on her.**

 **He sunk like a stone and disappeared from her view before she hit the water. Which posed a problem she didn't even think about.**

 **As the cold water hit her face, soaked her clothes and bit her skin, she remembered another occasion. Panic grabbed her stomach and she felt the oncoming nausea.**

 **No. she had to keep going. That man had to live.**

 _ **Steve...**_

 **Steve had to live!**

 **She reached out to his shadow, grabbing his ankle and pulled him up with all the energy left to her and more.**

 **Pulling him out of the glistening waters of the Potomic river – she had remembered the name just seconds ago – she stayed by his side. She wanted to make sure that he was alive.**

 **But nothing came. No breathing. He laid there, head in her lap and showed no signs of life whatsoever.**

 **Her heart skipped a beat.**

 **Then two.**

 **Then she decided, she would not let him die here.**

 _ **Inhale. Press your lips to his and hold his nose closed. Exhale.**_

 **She repeated the steps time and time again, growing more desperate with every exhale he wouldn't respond to.**

 **She didn't realize her crying before the first tears softly dropped on his paling face.**

" **Steve...Steve... wake up, please! I'm begging you, please open your eyes! Steve... no... STEVIE!"**

 **She curled up into a small ball of exhaustion, pain and loss. Sobs shook her body as she cried, head on Steve's chest. Then suddenly... he coughed, her head shot up to face him and she saw the stream of milky white water spill out his mouth.**

 **Relief warmed her body. Then she heard the voices.**

" **Steven, where are you?"**

 **She couldn't stay. Couldn't loose any more time to escape.**

 **Softly but surely, she pressed her lips to his forehead.**

" **Sorry, Stevie..." she left.**

 **...**

 **...**

 **...**

 **And she wouldn't return for a long time to come.**


	11. Chapter 10

When Steve woke up, he found himself laying on a hospital bed. He dreaded these things and remembered all the times he had already been to a hospital before.

Sam was to his right, reading some book. He noticed the soundtrack playing Sam had told him about when they first met.

Marvin Gaye 1972 Trouble man soundtrack. Steve remembered it like it was yesterday.

Turned his head to look at Sam. "On your left...", he murmured. Sam looked up and slowly a smile crept over his face. "I know."

Steve took his sweet time in hospital. He spent almost two weeks. Three broken ribs, a huge-ass lung infection from lying around wet for too long and of course he had to recover from being dead for like 5 minutes.

He asked everyone. Natasha, Sam even Agent Hill. Nobody could tell him who pulled him out of the Potomic river or had prevented him from actually dying the wet death he was sure he'd have to.

When Natasha picked him up from the hospital, she told him, that some guys from SHIELD had managed to find traces of boots where they had found him. Asking for more information, she revealed that the tracks where rather small and probably belonged to a woman. Said would have to be at about 70 kilograms and wear heavy armour or be an almost 90 kilograms heavy truck.

At the thought of a rather small woman, weighing about 70 kg and heavy armour, he thought about Bucky. Judging from what he had seen and felt when she was on top of him, she'd fit that description fairly good.

He asked for more but she had to disappoint him. There was nothing aside from the tracks.

Steve looked out the car window and realized Natasha hadn't brought him to his place. They where at the cemetery. Sam was already waiting for them at the entrance. Together they silently walked up to a gravestone and as Steve looked closer at it, it was Fury's.

A man in a dark brown leather jacked, black jeans and sunglasses on his face approached them.

"So, you've experienced this sort of thing before." "You get used to it", Steve answered the quiet implication, sassy as even he could sometimes be.

After a short silence, the man turned and said: "We've been data mining HYDRA's files. Looks like a lot of rats didn't go down with the ship." Steven nodded and Fury continued: "I'm headed to Europe tonight. Wanted to ask If you'd come."

Steve answered: "There's something I gotta do first." Fury turned to the other black man. "How 'bout you, Wilson? Could use a man with your abilities." Sam took a critical look towards his buddy and when he turned back to face Fury, he just simply said: "I'm more of a soldier than a spy." The man smiled and turned to face his own gravestone once more. "Alright then."

Much to both Steve's and Sam's surprise he held out a hand. Not wanting to miss that opportunity, Sam grabbed it and shared a firm handshake with the old man. When Fury approached Steve, he took his hand and said: "If anybody asks for me, tell them... they can find me right here." and pointed to his grave.

As Ex-SHIELD-Director Nicholas Joseph Fury left, Natasha gave a light chuckle and said: "You should be honoured. That's about as close as he gets to saying thank you."

Steve smiled and asked: "Not going with him?" The red haired woman shook her head and replied: "No." "Not staying here?" "Nah. I blew all my covers. Gotta figure out a new one." Steve nodded: "That might take a while." "I'm counting on it", was all she answered. Then she turned serious.

"That thing you asked for... called in a few favours from Kiev." After a slight pause, she added: "Will you do me favour? Don't dive in head first. That's not gonna work out." He looked up from the map that she had handed him.

"Be careful, Steve. You might not want to pull on that thread." then she turned and walked away.

Steve looked down at the thing in his hands. An old paper folder, Russian letters he couldn't read. A date. 21st January 1945. he knew that this was the date they had started writing this folder. Then he found the American translation further down the bottom.

Sergeant

Jamie Buchanan Barnes

born 10th of march 1920

The Winter Soldier

Steve gripped the folder so hard, he heard the paper crinkle. With a sigh he relaxed his grasp and opened the folder reluctantly.

Only to be face to face with a photograph showing Bucky through the window of a cryo-chamber. At the bottom on the right, a smaller picture of her enlistment form from the army was attached. The man closed the folder and took another deep breath. "Let's go, dude."

Sam patted his shoulder and led him to his car. Shortly after they where back at Sam's home, sipping coffee and brooding over the folder that was laying between them on the kitchen table, unopened.

"Y'know, if you want to find her... you will have to go through this thing", Sam spoke into his mug and pointed at the brown thing on the table. "I know, Sam. It's just... you've seen the picture?"

The said shook his head. Steve's brows furrowed even more and he shut his eyes. A sharp exhale, then he turned the folder and flipped it open. Sam gasped and coughed as he had breathed in some of the coffee.

"Holy motherfucker, that's looks so wrong! I mean how can she still be alive, she's been fucking frozen!" Steve didn't even remind his friend to watch his language as he pinched the bridge of his nose. "Sam." "Um?"

"I've been frozen for 70 years as well. I'm as alive as you. And I've been frozen in the arctic ocean while she was put into cryo-sleep with dozens of scientists watching over her", Steve called to mind.

"Sorry, no offence, Dude."

"None taken, pal. Still. The papers say, that she's been put into cryo over 20 times over the past 70 years. There is everything. Health check ups, mission reports and records of every time she'd been brain-washed", again, the paper wrinkled under Steve's powerful hands.

"That's so messed up.. let me see", Sam set down his mug and looked at all the reports. "Here. These are the last one's." He started reading the papers out loud

" Listen to this. 'Medical report, May 23rd 2016. Subject stable and ready to operate. Weight 67.3 kg . Height 66.14 inches.' Next one..." he flips the page and his eyes widen.

"This one's really interesting. 'Mission report, May 23rd. Subject has completed mission. Nicholas Joseph Fury dead. Subject shows slight changes to mind. Brain-washing recommended." Paper rustling as he flipped the page again.

" uh..." Steve looked up as Sam hesitated a little too long. "Spill it, pal. There's nothing about this that would surprise me." Sam nodded and read on: " 'Mission report May 24th. Subject acts strange. Remembers something about it's past. Mission failed. Steven Grant Rogers still alive. Brainwashing recommended."

Another page flip. " 'Medical report, May 24th. Subject too unstable to be put into cryostasis. Seems to remember more and more about her past. Brainwashing recommended."

The further Sam read the pages, the more angry Steve grew.

" This is the last one...'Mission report, May 24th. Subject asks about target. Remembers him. Brainwashing will no longer work. Recommend complete annihilation."

Steve jumps up from his chair, bursting into full-on rage mode. "How many times did they do this to her? What was so important for her to forget? Why would any human do this to another? And what's that about complete annihilation?" He paced through the room, growling.

"Dude... even though you're seriously starting to scare me... complete annihilation is a phrase that indicates she should have been killed when she came back from the last time she was assigned to kill you. Let's just hope, that she put her skills to good use this ti-", Sam was cut off by Steve starring at him in utter shock, his eyes widened in terror.

No muscle in the blonde's body moved even an inch and he seemed to completely stop breathing. The only thing that came from him was the steady sound of his breathing.

"They didn't..."

Shock and terror transforming into rage, hatred and something much more fundamental. The feral and unclouded desire – no – _need_ to kill. Sam forced any sounds that might've escaped him down the back of his throat. He was damn sure, Steve would be on it in no time if he said _anything._

They had to find a trace. And they had to find it fast.

Else Steve would probably kill him pretty soon.

* * *

 **She had been on the run since she left Steve by the Potomac. She was running from _them_. There where still people outside there who knew her, knew about who she was supposed to be.**

 **Well, for once she was the one who wanted to know. At first she had settled into stealing some normal clothes and see if she could find anything about her past. The past with Steve.**

 **She wanted to remember why he was so important to her. Why she felt so pained when he wouldn't wake up back on the river's banks.**

 **Her first stop was a museum. 'The Smithsonian Museum' the plate above the gates read. Underneath was a sign: 'Showing now: the great Captain America Expo'**

 **She took a deep breath and walked inside. Paid for her ticket. And walked through rows and rows, telling the story of the Cold War back in 1945.**

 **She saw a big display, showing Captain America's great transformation from a roughly 59 inches scrawny little guy to the colossal, ass-kicking and hunky 77 inches of pure muscles.**

 **A display of a biography of Steven Grant Rogers. There where all the illnesses listed he had to go through back then.**

 **From whooping cough, polio, asthma and a crooked spine to heart weakness, underweight and weak bones. She remembered him having a heart attack back during an especially cold winter.**

* * *

 _ **She practically ran back home to the apartment building she had lived in since like forever. While she ran down the streets of Brooklyn, she opened the hair-tie in the back of her neck and her brown hair came flowing out.**_

 _ **She had tied it back to look more like a boy. Lucky for her, she had found some old bandages which she used to tie back her chest. That way, she got the job at the docks.**_

 _ **She sprinted up the stairs and couldn't wait a second longer. Passing by the door to her home, she made it up to the Rogers's front door. It was open and she could hear his coughing from the hallway. She hurried to his room, jumping over the things in her way.**_

 _ **There he was. Wrapped up in all the blankets she had shared with him the previous night to keep him warm. She stopped dead in her tracks as she saw her best friends face change from a deep red colour to a darkening purple. 'Asthma', she thought and rushed to his side to help him.**_

" _ **Bucky...", he croaked, voice hoarse from his coughing. "Ssh, I'm here, Stevie. I won't leave." She ensured that he was able to breath while curling up around him. But it didn't get better.**_

 _ **Steve had caught a cold days before and it had evolved to a full-on pneumonia in the recent hours.**_

 _ **Suddenly, the coughing stopped. Bucky could feel there was something wrong. He never stopped this abrupt. She propped her head up only to see his blank eyes staring into nowhere as his face got pale.**_

 _ **Panic flooded her and she checked his breathing. Nothing.**_

" _ **Sarah!", she screamed in panic and started massaging Steve's heart, just as she had learned. His mother burst into the room and a screech escaped her lips as she saw what was happening.**_

 _ **They told her to give up. Told her he was dead. But she continued, seeing barely anything behind the tears flooding in rivers down her face. She concentrated on his face and how she saw the life come back to them. When Steve took his first breath after nearly 10 minutes, she collapsed right then and there, exhaustion pooling inside, accompanied by a huge feeling of success.**_

 _ **She didn't remember how she got onto a mattress beside Steve's bed but when she woke up, she was there. He was awake and looked at her.**_

 _ **She sat up and rubbed her head: "How're you feelin', Stevie?" "I'm fine thanks to you. They told me you helped me when I passed out."**_

 _ **So, Sarah followed her request not to tell Steve what really went down. She sighed and laid back down. "Tired?", he asked. "Yeah.. sorry."**_

* * *

 **She smiled at the memory. He was so small and fragile back then. He had needed her. Determination rose in her chest. She wanted, no, had to remember her past life.**

 **She turned around and saw a big display with her face on it. She looked younger back then, her brown hair pulled back and braided. She realized it was her enlistment picture.**

 **Beside the picture, two whole walls covered what seemed like her entire life. From her birthdate - 10th of march 1920 – to her supposed death on Januray 5th 1945. she read the whole thing and more and more memories of that time came back to her. They where mere fragments, she knew that much. But it was a start.**

" **Attention, all visitors. We are going to show the video tape of Captain America and his friend in five minutes."**

" **My chance", she whispered and went down the hall towards a darkened room. It was a small little thing and looked like a cinema.**

 **She sat down in the back and waited.**

 **As soon as the film was running, she was amazed. The way they so casually stood side by side, Steve telling the story of how he got her out of Arnim Zola's hands the first time and funny stories from their childhood. Their laughing faces as he pulled one of his stupid jokes and she hitting his arm ever so lightly, teasing him. He, responding in kind, buffing her arm in return.**

" **That damned punk..", she muttered under breath and somewhere in the back of her head she could hear his high-pitched pre-puberty voice, chiding : "Language, Bucks!"**

 **She needed to remember. It would take time but she needed to. All of it.**

 **All of the precious time she spent with these 198 pounds of pure, condensed sunshine and happiness.**


	12. Chapter 11

Two years.

They had searched for two fucking and damn long years, without finding anything.

Sure, there where some leads here and there, but they all ended in the dirt sooner or later. Steve had grown more desperate with every result-less attempt.

They've been around the globe and back. England, Germany, Sweden, Portugal and Belgium. Hell, it was easier to count out the places they _haven't_ been to.

They had been to Ireland twice in the same year. No leads whatsoever.

"She's making it real hard to find anything... Steve..", Sam had attempted to talk some sense into the blonde but to no avail. And it wasn't any different this time.

"Sam, we discussed this so many times. Give it up already." Steve's determination was really admirable.

"Just... I was just thinking that maybe, _just maybe_ ", Sam accentuated this part especially; "she doesn't want to be found, Steve. Maybe she's not ready to face you yet. Ever thought about why she seems to pop up in random places and seems to disappear every time we come close to finding her?"

The black man immediately regretted saying this. A deadly glare was sent his way and he kept quiet for the time being.

They had met up with both Fury and Romanoff from time to time. They did have a few informations regarding Bucky, but no real traces. The most important information for Steve and as such for Sam's survival was, that Bucky was alive at any rate.

"Cap, report to the Avengers tower within the next day. Fury over."

Steve rolled his eyes and took out his smartphone. "JARVIS, call Tony and get him to sent a chopper. Russia, Moscow. Sent him the coordinates", he barked into the small device. The robotic voice of JARVIS, Tony's digital assistant, answered: "Of course Captain Rogers." A second later, Tony Stark picked up the phone.

"Heya, Capsicle. Long time no see and so on and so forth. You want a lift home, I suppose?" Steve rolled his eyes but he couldn't prevent a small smile from spreading across his lips. "Yeah. Guess Fury's filled you in?"

"Yeah. We're going to be some people more this time 'round." Tony sounded like he was distracted by something.

"And that would be?" "Hu? Uh, Romanoff of course. You and Wilson are supposed to be here, clearly. Thor is joining in on the fun, as well as Clint, Banner, Rhodes, the Maximoff twins and Vision of course. And the boy.. what was his name... ah, Parker. He's here too. Down in the team room with the others. You and Wilson are the only ones where waiting for."

Again, Steve rolled his eyes at the implied rushing behind that words. "Get the helicopter here and we'll be there in a jiffy", he growled as an answer and hung up.

"So, no more searching for her?", Sam avoided saying her name but he caught himself a death glare nonetheless. "I will continue once I've dealt with the shit Fury's putting us on."

* * *

 **She felt them creeping up behind her. She had been hiding in Slovakia. When the found her there, she fled to Russia. Then to France. Spain, Ireland and Germany where also on the list.**

 **They had been on her heel since day one and she couldn't bear it any more. She still didn't remember everything but enough to find him and ask him to take her in.**

 **she knew, where she had to go. Bucky packed her things as fast as possible and moved out.**

 **There they where. Guns pointed to her head. Immediately, her instinct kicked in full force and she grabbed into the bag on her shoulder. Pulling out a gun, she shot two of the three men dead with accuracy trained for years. Somehow she was glad, that she did not forget how to fight, despite not being the Winter Soldier anymore.**

 **The last man retreated a few feet and called for backup. Bucky knew, she had to get out of there fast. So she opted to jump into the middle of the road, blocking a motorcyclist from passing her and threw him off his bike. Grabbing the handlebars, she tore the vehicle around, jumped into the seat and sped down the opposite direction.**

 **She heard them following her. No use, she was faster and smaller. She squeezed through small spaces between the cars and her speed rose even more. She was glad that she had a good eye for alignment vehicles.**

 **Soon, she was out of the city, going towards the airport. Once there, she shed the bike, sped into the hall and bought a ticket back to the USA.**

 _ **Back to him.**_ **Despite her current situation, she felt happy to see him.**

 **The thought that he might not want to see _her_ crept up as the plane was about to land close to her home. Fear settled in her chest, but she pushed it back. She got off the plane and walked towards the exit.**

 **When she stepped out into the night, she realized she had absolutely no idea where to find him or someone else who knew him.**

 **Desolation crashed down like a heavy wave. Until her eyes focused on a tall building. It was gigantic Tower, overtopping every other building around it. There was a huge shining 'A' on the side of it.**

 **She remembered reading something about the 'Avengers' a group of people meant to protect the USA. There was a sentence where a brief mention of a Captain America caught her eye on that article.**

 _ **He must be in this tower.**_ **It was the only logical conclusion.**

 **So, Bucky grabbed a taxi and told him to get her to that tower.**

" **The Avengers tower? You must be quite desperate to get their help if you want to get there in person", the driver said. She simply nodded.**

 **He kept rambling throughout the whole half-an-hour drive and at some point she just tuned him out.**

 **Another useful skill. When they arrived, she paid the fee and got out. The tower looked even bigger when she stood underneath it and she swallowed heavily.**

" **Time to get this over with", Bucky whispered to herself, tightened the grip around her bag and went for the entrance.**

* * *

Steve and Sam arrived in the dead of the night. The chopper landed on the top platform and as they got out, they where greeted by Fury and Tony already wating for them.

"Capsicle! Good to see you're still alive!", Tony roared over the sound of the helicopter blades. "Yeah, whatever Stark", Steve replied and hugged him.

It was funny, really. They had gotten all close to one another. Not only him and Stark but the other Avengers as well. They made up quite the decent team by now, knowing each others flaws and working around them, balancing each other.

"We will meet down in on the team floor in the morning. For now get some rest", Fury said, his eyes wrinkled with a smile.

As soon as Steve had thrown his things into some corner on his floor, he heard JARVIS' voice: "Tony wants you down in the team floor, Captain Rogers."

"Thought we'd meet up in the morning?", said asked confused. "It was planned like this. But we have a... surprising guest." After that, JARVIS tuned off.

Steve sighed heavily, he felt like falling asleep right then and there. But despite his tiredness, he changed into some comfortable sweatpants, a clean shirt and grabbed a comfy jacked, before making his way down to the team floor.

When he entered, everyone else was already there, except for Tony himself. Tired greetings and loose hugs were exchanged. Questions on his progress on finding Bucky were kindly left out. Sam must have told them what happened.

Speaking of which, the man stood aside with a mysterious grimace on his face. "What has you hung up, pal? Bet this is over soon and we can catch some sleep", Steve said, yawning. Sam glanced over at him with a weird expression Steve couldn't read and grumbled something like: "Don't think, this'll be over so soon."

Just that same second, Tony entered the room, frantically looking around. When he spotted Steve, he marched right over. "Why do I feel like I've done something wrong?", the blonde whimpered, dreading what was about to come.

"Steve, you... might want to have a look at this", Tony held up one of his little glass screens and showed it to Steve.

It was the picture of a security camera, set up at the entrance far down below.

Steve sucked in a sharp breath. Everyone turned to face him and the glances cast his way where all but readable. They all had one thing in common: all of his friends stared at him with question in their eyes.

"Show them", the blonde hissed between gritted teeth. Tony nodded short and said: "JARVIS, pull up the security camera E1 on the big screen." the glass wall behind him glowed for a short moment, indicating the boot sequence of the system. Then it went dark again.

JARVIS had had the kindness to turn down the lights in the room and the sight of the live picture shown on the screen offset all of the Avengers into complete rigidity.

A woman, about 25 years old with long dark brown hair stood down in front of the entrance. A big black bag slung around her right shoulder, she nervously tapped around on her feet. Then came the real shock.

Her left hand, previously tucked in her jeans, rose and light reflected on the metal.

Nobody moved. It seemed like time froze when all the gazes shifted from the screen to Steve in slow motion.

Natasha broke the silence and with a shaky voice she asked: "Are we gonna let her in or not?" Tony hissed: "Definitely not. Too risky." "But it seems like she came here because she needed help!", someone shouted from across the room as voices began to rise.

Steve started to shiver. Sam, who was still beside him, moved away inch by inch. He knew America's Idol. And he knew all to well that said man was about to loose his temper anytime.

"SHUT UP!" And there it was. His low voice ringing in his teammates' ears.

"Tony, if you don't want to let her in, fine. But that means I'm going to be alone with her within the next five minutes. And if bad comes to worst, I am going to be a dead man by tomorrow", Steve growled and his chest rose with anger. Tony blinked at him, then nodded :"Fine. JARVIS, let our guest come in. But I want you to keep a good eye on her for me." "Of course, Sir", JARVIS answered.

Seconds later, the woman's frame vanished from the E1 security camera only to come in sight on E2,3 and 4.

JARVIS guided her up to the team floor. Nervous silence had befallen it, everyone fearing Steve's next outburst. They could hear the wires of the elevator wiring inside the shaft. A small squeak as it came to a halt on the team floor.

Steve pushed to the front of the small crowd. They let him. By now, everyone knew him.

Then everything returned to slow motion as the elevator's doors opened ever so slowly, to reveal the woman they had seen on the cameras.

"Uhm... hello?", Bucky asked, fear written across her face.


	13. Chapter 12

The very second, Bucky revealed her face, Steve leapt forward and dropped his fist down on her head. The others where in shock of what they just witnessed.

The woman fell down do her knees, holding her head with a pained expression on her face. "Wha-", she didn't even got to finish her sentence, as Steve pulled her up by the collar of her shirt. The bag fell down as she struggled with her breath, her feet dangling in the air.

"What the actual hell, Jamie Buchanan Barnes!", Steve shouted right into her face. "I searched for you for over two whole fucking years and just when I was about to give up on _ever_ finding you, you just have to show up! I can't believe you, you big-ass jerk! Idiot, imbecile woman, YOU UNBELIVABLY GIGANTIC ASSHOLE!"

The outburst of rage shock the other Avengers back to live. And Bucky to tears.

"I... please, Stevie... let me explain..", she chocked out, tears welling up in her eyes. Steve immediately dropped her and she sank to her knees, coughing her lungs out. He knelt down beside her, softly laying one of his big hands on her comparably small back.

"I.. suppose, it was a bad idea after all...", a pained smile crossed Bucky's face and she looked up at the blonde. "Explain, Buck", he said, his voice way softer than before. When she made no efforts to speak, he picked her up and carried her to the couch. The others took that as cue to sit down as well.

At first, Bucky was struggling. It was obvious that she wanted to leave as soon as possible, but when Steve made no efforts to let her go anytime soon, she gave in.

After a few more deep breaths, the woman cleared her throat and started telling everything.

"I fled because.. I wanted to remember. I thought it would be best to meet you again once my memories where back. Well, that thing got cut short. I've been followed by HYDRA agents for two and a half years now. Wherever I went, they where on my heels. First, I went to Russia. Two weeks and they nearly had me. I fled to Ireland. Not even a whole week and I needed to run again. Honestly, it's easier to count all the places I haven't been to. I.. am afraid. I have some of my memories back by now. Not a lot but still, it's a start. And I know all too well what happens if HYDRA gets their hands on me again. All the things I remember, everything will be gone then. And I'm pretty sure, they want to erase it completely instead of just tucking it away in my head."

With new tears and a fear-filled expression, she turned to Steve and begged him with hoarse voice: "I don't want this, Stevie. I don't want to loose my memories of you and me and our parents and us ever again!"

The man looked at her with so much care in his big blue eyes that she choked on her own breath and clutched her hands into his shirt. She was a shaking mess of tears and sweat and snot and incoherent words and he just kept her in his arms.

Meanwhile, the others grouped up to discuss the situation at hand.

"I think, we should give her a chance. She seems to need all the help she can get", Clint said and nodded over to Bucky, fists tightly clutched into Steve's shirt and shacking. "Yeah, but can we trust her? I mean she tried to kill Natasha, Sam and Steve twice", Tony whisper-added to the discussion with sceptic in his voice.

"She needs us, Stark. And to be completely honest with you, I on my part don't want to be targeted by Captain fucking 'Murica himself", Sam said and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Neither do I", Banner added from somewhere in the back. Thor just shook his head and the Maximoff twins joined him. Rhodes and Vision looked at Tony and seemed to disapprove of his behaviour.

"Fine, let her stay. But if she does anything, I'll throw her right out the window. Heard that, Capsicle?", Tony barked over to the blonde.

Who looked up like he was going to kill Tony in person. Like break his neck with his bare hands kill him. Looking closer, the Avengers saw, why. Bucky had fallen soundly asleep.

And judging from the bags under her eyes, she really needed it.

Steve's only answer was: "Wake her up, Stark, and you'll be the one flying from the window. Without the suit."

Tony kept his mouth shut after that. Since the situation was clear to everyone, they headed back to bed. Steve lifted Bucky up and carried her carefully to his own floor and into bed. He crawled under the covers beside her, looking at her face for a pretty long time before breathing a kiss to her forehead and whispering: "G'night, Buck. And no complains in the morning. You know me." She only scooted closer to him and cuddled up to his chest.

Steve fell asleep soundly for the first time in nearly four years.

* * *

 **Bucky blinked and groaned lightly as light stung her eyes. She pulled the blanket over her head, enjoying the feeling of warmth underneath her.**

 **Suddenly that warmth moved and she realized it was a broad muscle-packed chest. Her head shot up, only to see that she had used Steve's chest as her cushion that night.**

 **Everything that had happened the previous evening came back to her and she started shivering all over. Strong arms wrapped around her waist and pulled her back into the body beneath her.**

 **Warmth sept through her skin and bones and she felt so _safe._ For the first time in years, she felt _safe_. She decided to deal with everything later and just enjoy being back where she belonged. Back with Stevie, her sweet and big and muscular and sexy Stevie.**

 **She didn't care about a single thing in the world, not even about how she saw the man beneath her, as long as she could stay right there, with his big arms wrapped around her pretty small body, his warmth reaching every last piece of her soul and his breath against her skin.**

 **She cuddled back into place and soon she was fast asleep again.**

* * *

Steve woke up and felt her body pressed against his. Well, pressing down _on_ his. That's how she had been back then too. She'd cuddle up to him so close, there was no space left, they melted together into a mix of arms, legs and bodies during sleep – she would always somehow end up covering his body with her warmth.

This time, it was his turn to warm her, as he could still feel her shivering a little bit. He pulled her closer to his chest and breathed a kiss on her head. Brown mingled with blond for the first time in ages, as he started playing with some strayed strands of her hair.

How had he dreamed of this moment for the past years. Being able to hold her close, taking in her body and breathing in every last bit of her scent, filling his lungs with her. It still felt like a dream somehow.

He wasn't going to complain, but it didn't feel quite real after all. She had found him, had searched for him and begged, pleaded him to take her into his protection. She had cried her eyes out last night and he could still see the edges of her eyes tinted slightly red.

The thing he liked most about her in this particular moment, was her small pleased smile that spread across her lips. He felt guilt pierce his heart and decided, he'd never tell her what he felt. There where no chances of reciprocation anyway. As soon as they got up, he'd prepare a room for her. She'd need space and having her own room offered more than that.

But for the time being, he just wanted to enjoy that little piece of heaven that found it's way to him and so e closed his eyes once more, nuzzling into the base of her hair and falling asleep soon after.

The next time he woke up, Bucky was gone. He shot up and looked around frantically. When there was no sight of her whatsoever, he practically screamed: "JARVIS! Where is Bucky?" He heard a tune, indicating that the AI heard him. Seconds later, the answer came: "Sargent Barnes is in the kitchen. It seems she is preparing breakfast."

Steve scrambled out of bed as fast as possible and sped towards the kitchen.

It was a place with a homey feel to it. The kitchen was more or less a gigantic room covering half of his floor. Around one quarter was actual kitchen, the rest set up as a nice living room. Only a counter separated the kitchen from the living room.

Due to that, his nose filled with the scent of melted butter, pancakes and something sweet. He slithered around the corner, only to find Bucky smiling and humming in the kitchen.

As he crashed into the wall beside him due to his speed, she turned around. A gun pointing at him, her gaze filled with nothing but cold determination. His luck, she didn't shoot. Still, it was a fear-inducing sight to behold.

When she realized it was him, she lowered the gun and the determination in her eyes turned to joking anger. And seconds later to pure embarrassment as she grew even redder than a tomato and turned away so fast, he was surprised she didn't pull a muscle.

"I-i-if you have to s-scare me l-like that, then at least p-put some clothes on", she stuttered. Steve furrowed his brows and looked down.

Only to see his morning wood proudly bulging the star-spangled boxers, he had received from Tony as a joke last years for his birthday. He felt the heat creep over his skin and he bet any price, he didn't look any better than his best friend right now.

They had done many things, back in the old days. Some funny, some practical and some just utterly stupid (like him fighting guys three times his size and weigh). There was one thing, they never did, no matter how close they where. And that was dressing in front of each other.

So, the most she had seen of him back then was his small shirtless pre-serum chest. The most he'd seen of her, was a pretty short and revealing wine-red dress.

He slapped a hand to his head, uttered a :" Sorry, didn't think this one through" and turned to get dressed.

Bucky had been pretty startled, when Steve crashed into the wall. In her defence, she lived on the run for more than two years and habits barely change. So she pulled out her trusted gun at the sound.

It took her a moment to realize that it had just been her idiotic best friend. He must have though she was gone again. So aside from her joking anger, she felt sorry.

And even that vanished, when she saw exactly _how_ he was standing there. The boxer briefs would have probably made her laugh out loud any other time. But the incalculable bulge they bent around made her blush deep red.

And, of course, the fact, that she even let her gaze swift down _this_ far. She turned around as fast as possible and something in her neck hurt for a moment. Then she stuttered to him and _oh dear god, why did she have to stutter!_ That was _so_ obvious, even Steve would notice that.

Well he didn't. Or if he did, he made no move to show it. Bucky heard him walk away, his bedroom door closed and then a scream. She doubted that anyone else heard it, but her hearing... sometimes it was a curse, she thought.

Banning any pictures of half naked, morning wooded Steve from her mind, she returned to make the breakfast.

When Steve came back, completely dressed (thank god, she wouldn't have lived long if not) they ate in silence, the thing from before still present in their minds. He brooding over how he could have been so dumb and she over the fact, that this particular picture wouldn't leave her mind for a while.

"Listen.. I had JARVIS order some furniture and clothes for you. There's another bedroom across the hall, you can take that one", Steve suddenly ripped her out of her thoughts. She just raised an eyebrow and replied: "So, you're the only one who trusts me enough, not to have to keep an eye on me at any times."

Steve twitched. "What gave you that idea?" Bucky rolled her eyes like she always did when he was just to dumb for his own good and answered: "Don't think I don't know how this must have looked yesterday. They don't trust me and to be completely honest, I don't think they should. And you shouldn't either."

The blonde felt anger making his blood boil. "I have no idea what you are talking about, Buck. You've done nothing wrong", he growled between gritted teeth. Tony could plead and beg all he wanted, he would go flying soon.

"It's not their fault, Steve. I don't remember all I did, but I do remember some of the things I have done. I'm a weapon and the only reason anyone would or should keep me around is, that I am made to kill. Don't get too attached to a weapon", she said with coldness in her eyes and pain dripping from every word she spoke.

"I trust you. Yes, Tony said, he'd prefer to have a lock on your door. But I don't think so. You're gonna stay and if I have to make you. I'm not gonna leave my best friend behind again", Steve retorted and crossed his arms over his chest.

Bucky rolled her eyes again. She knew, he was dead set on doing it this way and there was no use trying to talk him out of it. She had tried many times and she failed just as many. His thick-headedness was nothing to talk around and once he decides, there was no going back.

"Fine", she scoffed and turned back to eating. They finished breakfast and once the furniture was there, they started putting everything into place.

By lunch, they were almost done and decided to spar for some time. So, Steve showed her the training floor. It was gigantic and she was completely mesmerized at how many possibilities she had to stay in shape.

Two hours later, Natasha came down and after slight hesitation, she started talking to them. Steve paused and Bucky continued to beat up a sandbag. When she punched right through it's outer cover, she said something in Russian anger searing in her voice. It made Natasha twitch and then laugh out loud.

When Steve asked, what Bucky had said, the two women looked at each other and laughed so loud and long that they where laying on the floor by the time Steve had enough of them. When he was about to leave, Natasha finally told him, that Bucky had cursed in Russian and Steve shot his best friend a glare. She just stood on the side and tried to muffle her laughter.

She knew that Steve didn't like when someone cursed. Bucky herself had caught a few jabs to the arm for doing so back when they were younger. Still, since he couldn't pinpoint when she actually cursed in another language and when she didn't, he left her to it.

When they moved up to Steve's floor in the evening, she was exhausted and more than ready for a shower.

"I'm taking a shower!", she called down the hall. No response. Bucky thought that he'd probably crashed on the sofa and was just too lazy to answer. So she took her newly bought towel, shampoo and body scrub into the bathroom and started striping down.

When there where only her black bra and matching panties left, the door opened. Out of reflex, she pulled a knife out her bra (Yes, she always has some kind of weapon with her) and pressed it to the intruders throat.

"Bucky, it's me! Put that thing down, holy Christ!", Steve shouted, hands pulled up in the air and eyes shut tightly. She lowered the weapon and took a step back.

"Steve, do I really have to remind ya not to scare me, ya punk?", she groaned and turned to put the knife away. Loud swallowing behind her made her turn back to face her best friend. He was beet red in his face and his eyes where blown wide.

When he saw her face, he averted his gaze and looked up to the ceiling while scratching the back of his neck.

Bucky furrowed her brows, she knew that gesture. The only times where Steve wound up scratching the back of his neck, he was embarrassed or nervous. Judging from his still flushed face, it must be both.

"Steve, what-", she shivered as a cool breeze tickled her toned stomach. Wait. If a small breeze like this was able to make her shiver then... oh. _OH!_

"Oh, for FUCK'S SAKE!", Bucky squeaked, grabbed the towel to cover her nearly naked body and lunged forward to deliver her metal fist to Steve's jaw, making the man fall over behind and out the bathroom. Then she slammed the door shut with so much force, it almost broke.

Standing in the middle of the bathroom, panting heavily and shivering, she felt her own cheeks, ears and even her chest turn hot with embarrassment.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to peek", she heard Steve's muffled excuse through the door. There was a weird sound to it, but she didn't want to care at that moment. She just wanted to take her shower and head to bed.

She was careful, when she opened the door. But Steve was nowhere to be seen, so Bucky moved down the hallway to the room that was now hers. A little plate hung at the door. It had her first name, Jamie, written on it and she suspected that Steve ordered it the morning. Especially because there were little butterflies and flowers and ribbons all over it.

Bucky sighed and went to bed. She had trouble falling asleep but sometime she just slipped away due to her exhaustion.


	14. Chapter 13

Steve woke up in the dead of the night to JARVIS' voice.

"Captain Rogers! Please wake up!" Steve jumped to his feet – and immediately fell over, tripping over his sheets. "JARVIS... care to explain why you woke me up at", he shot a glance to the clock on his night stand and groaned; "two in the morning?"

While Steve got up, the AI replied: "It's Sargent Barnes. I am afraid she has a nightmare. She has been screaming for the last half an hour, Captain."

With a breathed "Shit" on his lips, Steve untangled his legs from the covers, grabbed a pair of sweatpants and hurried off to Bucky's room. He actually fell once more on the way, trying to get into the pants while running.

The blonde slithered to a sudden halt in front of the door and quietly pushed it open. There she was, a way-to-big tang top and shorts on and sprawled all over her bed, the covers shoved aside. He moved closer. Bucky was breathing as though she'd just run a marathon, her eyes shut tightly and sweat running down her body in beads.

She was trashing around, shacking her head and gritting her teeth. Steve climbed on the bed beside her.

Which, he realized mere seconds later, wasn't his best idea ever. Bucky screamed awake, grabbing under her pillow and holding a knife to his throat. For the second time this day.

He looked at her and his heart shattered to pieces. Her eyes where wide open, fear and distraught clearly visible, and her whole body was shaking so violently, he felt it even though they didn't touch.

Steve didn't believe her eyes could get any wider, but she proved him wrong. Once more, as realization hit her, she ripped them open even further. Then, pain filled her eyes and her face.

Bucky let the knife fall down and Steve caught it just in time. She clasped her hands over her mouth and a chocked sob escaped her. She scrambled away from him, fell down over the edge of the mattress and ended up on the floor across the room.

Steve moved his body up and looked at her. She was still shivering and tears flowed down her face like rivers.

"I'm so sorry... I.. I tried... oh my god, this is... how can you... no..." Not a clean sentence came out of her mouth and even if she had realized that, she just kept babbling. The blonde furrowed his brows and he stood up. Upon taking the first step, she didn't seem to realize he moved towards her but when he was only three feet away, she screamed: "DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT GETTING CLOSE TO ME! I'M A MONSTER!"

Her whole body was shaking as was her voice. Chocked down sobs and pained screams filled the air and Steve was torn between following her order and doing what he thought would be right.

He decided on the latter as Bucky curled up into a little shaking ball of tears and pain. Closing the distance between them, he fell to his knees and took her in his arms. Firm but not enough to choke her.

Bucky tried to push him away, struggling to get the slightest distance between them. Her best friend didn't let go and even when she started hitting his back to make him move away, he condoned the pain and kept holding her. Her metal arm was strong and he had to put all his power in to keep it from pushing him away but it worked. Eventually she gave up and just laid in his arms completely powerless. She was still crying and the man started to rock them back and forth at the expense of his ankles.

He didn't care. This was way more important than his ankles. They'd heal within mere hours anyway. But the image of seeing his best friend cry just burned into his mind. He'd not be able to forget that sight anytime soon.

After some time her sobbing died down and she wasn't shaking any more. He picked her up and carried her to the bed, laying her down and pulling the covers over her. She wasn't asleep like he thought she'd be but looked up to him, sadness written across her face.

"Why are you doing this, Steve. I am a monster, a weapon. Not a person. I was made to kill and if I don't find a way to avoid becoming the Winter Soldier again, I might one day kill you", she said quietly and showed how tired she was from what happened before. Said shook his head.

"That wasn't you, Buck. Sure, it was your body, but they freakin' _brainwashed_ you. You wouldn't have done anything like this. And now you're regaining your memories. You know how to defend yourself. You know how to fight. You-", he was cut off as she said: "Steve. The Winter Soldier can be triggered. Know the right words and the right language and I turn back within seconds."

The man let out a long sight and pulled her back into his arms. Again, she resisted, trying to get him away from her, but he would move a single muscle. At least she refrained hitting his back again. That would leave bruises anyway.

All in all, she seemed to have calmed down. Or so he thought before she began talking again.

"Steve, I am no person anymore. No matter how much you wish I'd be, I'm not. They made a weapon out of me. One that could fire any moment. I may have some memories back, but...she will never go away." Defeat tinted her voice and her words were nothing more than that – hollow words without any feelings attached to them.

Steve pulled her in even closer and whispered in her ear: "No matter how much of a weapon you think you are. To me, you will always be Bucky. Always my best friend. I did promise, I'd be with you till the end of the line." She twitched in his arms.

After a few more seconds, he felt her move. Arms around his back, one metal one flesh, softly and oh so apologizing.

"Captain, Mister Stark wants you and Sargent Barnes on the team floor. He said to hurry up, it's important"; JARVIS' voice interrupted this moment. Steve groaned. He didn't really feel like letting her go so soon, especially after what just happened.

He had no choice. If Stark says to hurry, it must be really important.

They separated and Steve felt like something was torn from him as the last bit of contact between their bodies vanished into memories.

Bucky threw on sweatpants and followed him to the elevator in silence. He saw that she was pondering about something. But he didn't ask. She would tell him some time.

* * *

 **She tensed, as the AI spoke to them, referring to her as 'Sargent Barnes'. The man with the beard couldn't have known who she was... could he?**

 _ **Of course he knows. You're known as a hero who left her life for her best friend's sake.**_

 **'Shut it, Barnes' she growled in her head. Beginning with the time, she started to remember, her two characters had developed some kind of intelligence. Sometimes they'd talk to her.**

 _Maybe we need to fight_ , **Winter said, hope in her voice.**

 _ **Yeah well, you'd like that don't you?**_

 **'I said shut it. Both of you. I need to concentrate. Maybe it really is something really important.'**

 **With that she ended her inner dialogue and turned to face the opening elevator doors. There they were. The people who had taken her in despite her past.**

 **The man with the weird beard in the front. He looked at her with the same curiosity the others showed but there was something much more fundamental about him.**

 _ **He's afraid...**_

 **'God, Barnes, shut your talky mouth or I'll make ya!'**

 **Then the red haired woman. When she walked past her, she heard her say :"no good sleep hu..?" so quietly, nobody else could hear it. "Not really", Bucky answered. Steve turned to her and lifted a brow. "What'd you just say?"**

 **She realized that she had said that in Russian. The red haired woman looked at her in kind of an awe.**

 **The man beside her, about half a head longer with dark hair that turned blonde at the tips, arched a brow himself and looked at the woman. "You do know, that aside from you two, none of us speaks Russian, right Natasha?"**

 **Ah, Natasha was her name. She memorized it for later use. The other woman tipped her head to the side and an amused chuckle escaped her. "I didn't even know that she could. But yes, I do realize that none of you will understand us when we talk like that, Clint."**

 **Clint. Memorized.**

 **Next up, a gigantic monument of a man. Long blonde hair fell over his shoulders and he emitted an aura of might. She didn't frown. Had had too many people in her life like him. But she looked up to his face, burning it in her memory, hoping someone would give her a name. "That's Thor", Steve said and her eyes went wide.**

" **Like, in the Thor? Norse god of thunder Thor?", she asked and stopped in front of the man. A sceptic smile layered on his features and he nodded. "Awesome", Buck stated, eyes wide like a little kid.**

" **Yeah, he's strong and all – dude seriously? What's up with you, Stark?", a black man, she recognized from somewhere, came out of the god's shadow and looked behind her.**

 _There's someone behind us..._ **Winter growled in her head and she spun around.**

 **There was the man with the beard, holding something that looked a lot like shackles. She switched a remote in her head and growled furiously at him, ready to flight or fight anytime. "I just want to be sure that-", he was cut of by Steve moving in front of her and crossing his arms.**

" **You're not going to put my best friend into shackles, Stark." Bucky looked up on his back, her enhanced eyes catching some bruises on his back.**

 _ **That was us... we hurt him!**_ **Barnes panicked.**

 **'Shut. Your. Mouth. For the very last time Barnes. We have time to apologize later.'**

 _ **Fine...**_

" **Fine", the man named Stark retreated and threw :" I won't take any responsibility for anything, Capsicle!" after the blonde. He waved the other off and sat down at a table, pointing to his side. Carefully and still with all senses in Winter-Soldier-mode, she sat down on the edge of the chair and watched the other people sit down as well. Natasha occupied the seat beside her before anyone else could and started talking to her in Russian.**

 **The two got along well and only broke off their conversation when Stark cleared his throat.**

" **So, Snowflake here was right. She has some pretty weird guys follow her", he only came as far as this when Bucky arched a brow, having relaxed back when she talked to Natasha. "Who is Snowflake?", she asked. Stark made a weird movement with his hand in her direction and she realized, he picked that name for her.**

 **Somewhere in the back of her head, Barnes started to chuckle as Winter growled:** _What the hell..._

 **The man didn't care as to her inner turmoil and continued: "They came here, looking for her. JARVIS didn't let them through, but he informed me about their presence. And of the fact that they started throwing tantrums like little childreen when he wouldn't let them pass. They left but well... they set fires around here."**

" **Where exactly?", a man with silvery blonde hair asked, a slight Russian accent in his voice.**

 **Stark sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Central Park's the worst. Green and blue flames al over. Water is not helping and even foam isn't doing it's job. You know something about that, Snowflake?"**

 **a shudder ran down her spine and she nodded.**

" **Those are magnesium flames. Not normal ones of course. They have some of the tesseracts energy within them and if burned, they last very long without being affected by water or foam. However, I never learned how to control the flames. They gave me some of this stuff. I still have it, if that helps", she said, head bent down as not to face anyone.**

" **That's going to be of great help. Banner, lab", Stark directed a small elderly man towards the elevator and waved for her to follow.**

 **Steve wanted to get up, but she said: "It's fine. I just give it to them. I'm curious as to how it acts anyway." He nodded, not completely satisfied but sat back down.**

 **She followed the two men to the floor that was marked with a sign remembering her of Steve's shield and then to the lab.**


	15. Chapter 14

**They'd apparently spent a load of time in the lab, trying to figure out what to do about the weird flames. Apparently, because when Steve joined them to look after Bucky, he seemed like had had a good nights sleep, coffee and breakfast.**

 **And partly because he had brought breakfast with him.**

 _ **He's so nice to us... I think, I just fell in love**_

 **'Barnes, stop swooning. Concentrate on the matter, please' Bucky groaned halfheartedly in her head.**

 _He really is nice..._

 **'Not you too, Winter.. seriously girls, we need to focus.'**

 **Still, it was nice that he cared enough to bring something to eat. And enough for the next few hours as well, checking in on them every now and then.**

 **When they where done with research (Bucky didn't get half of the results, the words too science-y for her) they had actually found a way to extinguish the flames.**

" **Sirs, Sargent, Mister Fury wants to see you on the team floor. He said to remind you he is 'expecting results'", JARVIS voice interrupted Banners speech about the fascinating characteristics of the weird flames and the three got up (not to mention, Bucky was a little bit happy about it. She had had some useful input for the research, but she didn't get anything the two men explained her) and made their way.**

 **Well, she did learn some things. For example that Banners view on 'research' was completely different from Stark's view. And that the first would always get a slight green touch to his skin whenever he got angry.**

 **Bucky did put two and two together during their talk and by now was sure, that Bruce Banner was the Hulk, while Anthony Stark was Iron Man.**

 **Yawning, the three entered the team floor and everything went dead silent. Except for Natasha, who was at her within basically no time, telling her she had to show her something.**

" **No, please, Natasha..", Steve groaned embarrassed from somewhere in the background where Bucky couldn't see him. The red haired woman ignored the pleas and flipped on her phone, to show Bucky a picture. It looked like someone drew it and had been uploaded to a site named 'DeviantArt' (Ye, i'm serious). It wasn't until she realized it was a picture of her and Steve in a very promising position, that she grew furiously red.**

" **Natasha.. I told you.. please don't"; Steve sounded a little sad.**

 _ **This is actually quite cute**_ **Barnes literally squeaked inside her head out of sheer happiness.**

 _I find it.. well... I don't know what to say_

 **'Winter.. no need to say anything. I feel ya, girl...' Bucky sighed inside her head and started massaging her temple.**

" **Buck, you okay?", Steve was suddenly right beside her, a faint blush coloring his cheeks. "Hu? Uh, yeah, m'fine", she couldn't keep Barnes from squeaking like a little girl who'd fallen in love and felt her own cheeks light up a bit.**

 **Natasha wiggled her brows at her and Bucky let out a long defeated groan. Easily switching to Russian, she said: "Natasha, I am awake for more than 27 hours by now, have dealt with two men who act like little kids and their absolutely non-understandable talking about some sience-y stuff. I need either a good strong coffee or a bed."**

 **Steve looked like she came from some other planet but right now, she didn't care. Natasha understood, nodded and came back shortly after with a steaming mug. She handed it to the brunette who thanked her with her eyes as she rushed down the coffee, burning her lips in the process. And not giving a flying fuck about that.**

 **The blonde beside her let out a sight and wryly said: "I'm not going to find out, what you just said, am I?" "Later", was her breathed response and she threw a small smile at him.**

* * *

Steve was still a little bit uncomfortable, hearing Bucky use some other language he'd probably never understand. He let his gaze fly through the crowd of heads and it glued itself to Natasha, a light going on in his head at the second.

"...and that's how we can get these things under control. Everyone heard? You too capsicle?", he heard Tony's voice and faintly nodded, not even trying to remember what the man had said.

He was sure that the others would fill him in on anything he didn't know.

Once they got dismissed from the room and Fury told them to get ready "Bust some ass" as he said it, Steve was by Natasha's side like gum on a shoe.

"What do you want, Rogers?", she asked, not even looking at him. "I was wondering if you'd... I mean it's okay if not but... um..."; Steve somehow couldn't bring himself to ask. "Spit it Rogers", The readhead pushed and now she did actually look in his face. "Was wondering if you'd teach me Russian...", the blonde mumbled and scratched the back of his neck. Natasha's eyes grew wide and she seemed to consider it. Then she nodded and said: "You want me to keep it a secret from your sweet little confused Snowflake over there?", she pointed out and while Steve hurried to get back to Bucky, he nodded in agreement. Natasha gave him a thumbs up and turned to get ready.

"What where you talking about, Steve?", the brunette looked at him with big wondering eyes. "Oh, I didn't really listen through the speech Tony gave... he makes everything sound so lame sometimes", Steve answered and was shocked at how easy this lie went over his lips.

Bucky made a face and stared off into nowhere for a few seconds until she shook her head and smiled at him wearily. "I could have filled you in. I was there after all." Steve smiled back the biggest smile he could and replied: "I'm going to think about you first next time this happens." Bucky grew a slight red at this but she kept her composure, nodded and they went for his floor.

Bucky made no move to get ready for the mission. When Steve asked her about it, she said, that "Iron Idiot" said she'd be to stay home and watch from afar since her Winter Soldier memories could be triggered by HYDRA so easily. She mentioned that it didn't bother her, because she knew he was right, but she did pout a bit over the fact of having to sit idly by when they got to fight – because of her not to mention. Steve laughed at that and said, she'd get to fight next time for sure.

"I just hope, you're right, Steve... be careful though, okay?", she was still pouting a bit but it wasn't that bad. When he left, she took the elevator into the operating room from where she could watch the fight and give them tips.

They arrived at Central Park nearly 20 hours after the fires broke out and just as Bucky said, it was still burning. Funny enough, she was with them from the very start, telling them everything she knew about those HYDRA agents they'd have to face.

Putting out the flames was a rather easy task. They had heat-resistant foam with them. The reason normal foam would just add to the intensity was, because the flames burned even that stuff. The heat-resistant type was perfect and within half an hour, the whole park was covered in foam.

"Ha! This looks like snow guys!", Tony seemed pleased with himself and Bucky added: "Yeah, you've got a good eye for things like this, Nerd." "Keep it, Snowflake. I've done my part." "And she did hers. Now back to HQ", Steve stopped their bickering before it was even to really start and both pouted at it.

Once they where actually back, Bucky was already fast asleep in the control room and Steve had no troubles moving her down to her bed. He wasn't even nearly worn out from his previous job, but his lack of sleep caught up to him and once his head hit the pillows, he was fast asleep himself.

* * *

 **After a night without getting interrupted, Bucky finally had time to settle things. She wanted to know more about Natasha, even though Winter disapproved (No wonder, they had some... differences after all) and she wanted to know more about the others in general. So once she was up, did her morning training (Involving among other things a 50 mile run, kick-box-training and shooting) and showered, she moved down to the common area.**

 **She figured, there would be at least someone up early and she was not disappointed. The black guy she remembered from somewhere was in the kitchen preparing breakfast for what seemed to be 20 people. She was careful to make noises as she exited the elevator, she didn't want to surprise him. He turned to see who was up this early aside from him and twitched only slightly when she approached him.**

" **Hey... umm...", she wasn't sure what to say. "It's Sam", he said pretty wryly whilst taking care of a Mount Everest of bacon. "So, Sam... I uh... Winter. She wanted to say sorry", Bucky managed to choke out. Sam turned with a questioning expression on his face. "Who's Winter?", he asked with a weird look in her direction. She slapped a hand over her mouth.**

 _Way to go girl... now he thinks you're weird._

 **'Fuck it, Winter. Y'know, you said to apologize'**

 _But not by telling him about me!_

" **Sargent?", Sam's voice silenced Winter and Bucky looked up to him. "It's Jamie. Or Bucky. You choose", she shrugged to seem as normal as possible. Sam lifted a brow and asked: "Okay, Jamie. Bucky. Whatever. Guess I'm gonna settle with Snowflake after all. Anyway Do you.. have schizophrenia? Like in multiple personalities?" She dreaded this question, but honesty was the key, right?**

" **Depends on what you would call schizophrenia. Yes, I do have voices to talk to. In my head." The man looked concerned now and said: "Well, that is an early stage of schizophrenia. I can-" "Sam, I sincerely think that, at least in my case, it's the aftermath of it."**

 **Again, the man pulled up a brow and Bucky started to explain: "I feel like I've lived the past 70 years in some kind of weird horror muppet show looking from the perspective of the murderous puppet. I feel like I saw everything my body did back then, but I had absolutely no control whatsoever. There where moments, where I would remember something. My sister, Rebecca or my mother. And even moments where I could move of my own accord. But those became more scarce with every time they but my brain in the blender again. I know you can help but those two want to help as well. Winter has a few really good tips for training or fights, while Barnes is more focused on human interaction. And somehow both of them are me."**

 **Sam looked like he understood and suddenly said: "Thanks Winter. I really appreciate, that you feel sorry."**

 _Tell him, I have no intention of become HYDRA's fist or whatever they called it.. I kinda enjoy freedom_

" **She said, to ensure you, she doesn't want me become HYDRA's fist again. She enjoys freedom and if having freedom means staying close to you, it's still better than getting your brain wiped all over once you remember the faintest thing..", she added the last things on her own, wanting to let Sam feel how Winter felt. The man in front of her nodded and gave her a content smile.**

* * *

When Steve got up and took a shower, he was sure that Bucky was still soundly asleep. She had done a good job in helping them and deserved every bit of sleep she could get. Plus, she had always been kinda the late girl, getting up at noon and not earlier before she had the job at the docks (Steve still wondered how a girl managed to get that one) But when Bucky didn't show up even after half an hour. He got a little nervous. When she hadn't shown up after a whole hour, he decided to check on her – and found her bed as well as her room completely empty. Panicking, he went through the whole floor and when that paid nothing, he went down to the common area. He barged in, knowing Sam would be up and running already, so he shouted:"Sam, have you seen-", even before he rounded the corner – and saw her sitting at the gigantic kitchen table (it was meant to fit at least 30 people) with Sam laughing and joking.

A sudden wave of anger befell him and he walked up to the two idiots, placing a well deserved hit on the top of Bucky's head. "Ouch! What was that for?", she yelped in pain and Sam got pale. "You've... been searching for her, right?", he asked as if Steve was a bomb ready to explode at any loud noise. "Yes, I did", the other man growled back, his anger slowly subsiding. Sam raised his hands: "It's my fault. She came here to apologize and I kept her longer than I should have. I'm sorry Steve."

"Next time, you wander off to god-knows-where leave a note, Jerk", Steve directed to Bucky, who was still holding her head. "Yeah okay, I know, I could have done that. Didn't think you would be up so soon, Punk", she retorted with a pained expression on her face, still rubbing the base of her head as she got up and grabbed her mug.

"I want to stay here, Steve. I mean here with Sam. He's funny, I like him", she added and took a sip of her coffee, only to mention: "And he makes this absolutely mind-blowing good coffee." Sam gave a chuckle and bowed like a gentleman for her, saying: "I am honored that thy lady approves of my coffee. May I pour thy lady another cup?" Bucky laughed whole-heartedly and handed the black man her mug. "Please, this is really good, Sam. I like how strong it is."

Steve looked between them confused and finally brought himself to ask: "How did you get so close to each other over the course of this morning?" Bucky turned and oh no. he knew the expression she was wearing. It had cost him a load of nerves back then and this wasn't so different.

"Oh, is Capsicle jealous? Sam, we made Steve jealous! Maybe we should be best friends", she teased him and drew an annoyed groan from her best friends lips.

"I am not jealous. I was just wondering how that happened that's all." Sam laughed and parried Bucky only to say: "Yeah, maybe we should. I mean, look at how jealous he is." Buckys grin was unmatched at Steve's unbelieving face and she couldn't help but take him into her arms, ruffling his blonde hair. "Was just jokin', Stevie. Nobody can replace my best blond friend, na pal?"

He felt his cheeks redden and used her moment of carelessness as Sam pulled a face and attacked her. There was nothing rough about it, he went for the spots he knew she was ticklish like hell at. And, just as hoped, she broke down into a puddle of laughter and "Please, Stevie, stop" while Steve attacked her mercilessly. "Who is your best friend now, huh, ya big Jerk?", he asked multiple times until she finally gave in and answered: "You are, Stevie! Nobody can replace ya, pal!" He was about to let go of her, when she threw in something he never thought he'd hear ever again.

"Y'know, I'm with you till the end of the line." Steve froze mid-move and Sam imitated him, knowing where that came from. "I know, I know. If you don't wanna hear it, I'll never say it again." Bucky got up, dusted of her clothes and trotted towards the elevator like a kicked puppy.

"Bucky, wait!", Steve shouted and she stopped. Turning her head always, he could see the tears on her face and her hurt smile.

"I understand that you don't want to have anything to do with a monster like me."

She started walking again and this time, the blonde didn't even think about much as he ran after her, catching her metal wrist before she came anywhere near the elevator.

"Bucks...", he felt the shiver through her body and it went completely rigid. "It's okay, I will be gone by noon." She tried to wind her hand out of his grasp but he wouldn't have that. With a powerful tug at it, he pulled her around and into his arms.

"I don't want you to leave, you big Jerk. I was surprised, that you remember this... that's all. Promise is promise and I won't break it", he put all his hopes into it, wishing she'd believe him.

Her body was still tense and she seemed to ponder on it. Then, after what felt like an eternity, she asked: "Are you sure? I have blood on my hands. Innocent blood. And I can't do shit about it." Steve didn't care, that Bucky was cursing. He pulled her just far enough out of his embrace to look her into her beautiful eyes and asnwered: "Bucks, I know that. I saw the reports. Everything I could find. Still, I know you would never do that if you had been in your right mind. You would have blown up the entire universe if they had told you to do it. Mourn them if you must, but keep going. You can't bring them back, not even with sacrificing yourself. Go out there, make a difference. Do something good, if it helps your mind. But keep on living."

The woman in his arms relaxed with a deep sight and winded herself out of his embrace. He let her go and followed back into the kitchen, where to plates with food were waiting for them. Sam sat at the table, reading the newspaper. He handed them coffeepot, sugar and milk in silence and while Bucky took care of their coffee, Steve grabbed the butter out of the shelf. They were back in sync, each one practically dancing around the other.

Sam watched all this with growing amusement. Natasha had told him that she suspected something between them but he'd never though she'd be right. Bucky grabbed her mug and a second one for Steve. Sam realized that she didn't ask him how he wanted his coffee. He knew as of now, that she liked hers plain black. But how could she know, that Steve loved his with milk and lots of sugar.

Well, she did and he was surprised that she managed to get the right amount of sugar and milk. Even he didn't got that right by now and he had almost four years of practice. "Thanks, Buck." "No problem, Stevie."

"They are completely in their own world by now, aren't they?", Natasha suddenly showed up behind Sam and he jumped in surprise. "God, Natasha! How many times do I have to tell you, not to scare the living shit out of me?!", the black man shouted and lunged after her, only to get his arm caught in her strong grip.

"Good morning", the two others said at the same time. Natasha looked back and forth between the two and an evil grin showed on her face. "Say, where you dating back before the war?" She got two red faced friends and a very embarrassed Sam as answer. "I-it's not like that. We used to live together for about five years, because we didn't have that much money", the blonde hero answered. He didn't dare to look at Bucky but she seemed to remember that. "Yeah, I remember. Steve's mom had just... well, we moved in together because my parents didn't want me at home anymore and Steve needed someone to look after him. So, we took an apartment just big enough to fit two people together and-" "Did you sleep together?", Natasha interrupted with the same smug grin still painted across her face.

"Wha-what's that for a question. Yes, we did. Honestly, I was too afraid that Steve would just stop breathing in his sleep. That was a pre-serum situation and he almost...", Bucky stopped mid sentence and got bright red over something. "What did I almost, Barnes", Steve suddenly pressed between gritted teeth and when his friend refused to answer he added: "Want me to tickle you again, Sargent?"

She still refused to give any reaction and turned away from him, so he walked to her, set her mug down and started tickling her all over again. Until she finally gave in and shouted: "Alright, I yield!" he let go of her and she got up to grab her mug.

After a big sip of her coffee, she explained: "When I was like 14 or 15 back then, I had a job at the docks. Dressed like a boy, to get at least a little money for us. So, one day in the midst of deepest and coldest winter we ever had until then, I come back home to him. And he had had already a cold the days before. But it kinda evolved into pneumonia over the previous night and he had an asthma attack. I tried warming him up, get him to breath but he passed out and eventually like... stopped breathing altogether. I was panicking back then and all I really remember is me calling his mom and sitting there for almost 15 minutes to get his fucking heart to beat again. He... almost died that day. And since then I swore to always keep him safe and alive."

Steve stood by her side, eyes wide and mouth gaping. "I...what? But why did you never tell me..." Bucky looked up to him and all she said was: "Well, I didn't want you to think you're even weaker than you already knew, so I asked Sarah to keep it to herself. I didn't want you to know that I basically saved your life, because I knew you'd be down in the dumps in no time over being depended on a girl."

Bucky was swept off of her feet and found herself in Steves strong arms. "I love you, Bucky!" Said grew beet red and stuttered: "S-steve? M-mind putting m-me down?" it was then that Steve realized what he had said. And grew beet red in about the same short time that Bucky did.

"Aren't they oh so cute? I bet you 200$ they're going to marry someday", Natasha whispered to Sam, who answered: "I'm giving them 5 years. Then they are married and have a child and a dog. And a villa. If not, you get 2000$"

For now, they enjoyed watching their charges rush off into completely different directions, clearly embarrassed about what just went down.


	16. Chapter 15

It took Bucky and Steve two full weeks until they could be in the same room as each other for more than five minutes. During that time, whenever one entered, the other would immediately leave, both heads red as tomatoes.

"Really, now? I mean yeah, Steve kinda confessed but that is just pure ridiculous", Natasha was pretty furious about that matter. She wanted them together as soon as possible. But it seemed she'd have to wait a pretty damn long time for that to happen.

Tony was equally eager as she told him about it and both shipped them so hard, they started a secret twitter page about it. "Remember, Nat, they are as old as time. I bet their brains got a little slow over the time they have been frozen", Tony reminded her very often.

After those two weeks, everything was pretty much back to normal. They danced around each other like normal, sparred a load of times and on their occasional movie nights on Fridays, they sat together and shared popcorn or chips. Nothing weird and definitely no confessions. Well, the only thing that changed was, that whenever they got into more promising positions, they would both turn beet red and bold away from each other.

It was driving the other Avengers nuts. Almost everyone knew, that there was something between them (except for Peter, but he was slow on that regard anyways) and everyone wanted them together. Peter just went with everything the others said and by the time they hit the four week mark since Steve's "Confession" everyone knew about the twitter page except for the two people it revolved around.

It was another regular Friday evening, when Nat snapped the first picture of her "Lovebirds". They had watched a horror movie and apparently Steve didn't cope well with those type of movies, so he had cuddled up to the next person available – Bucky. By the time they where halfway through the movie, the two where wrapped up in a blanket together, Steve hidden behind Bucky's hair. She had her arm around his shoulders and wore her best devilish grin.

Every time, a scary moment appeared on screen, she would shake her best friend and yell: "BOH!" just to scare him a little. The man was a little scaredy cat, despite his exterior and he squeaked like a little kid every single time. Bucky fell asleep at some point, giving Steve a break and the others a few well-timed pictures.

Because the way she had cuddled up to him looked just like a cute little kitten and he drew his attention to her once she had fallen asleep for real. With a contend smile spread across his lips and he ran his fingers through her hair, fondling her behind her ear. Steve was just happy, that she was.

By the time the movie ended and the credits started to roll, the blonde had fallen asleep too. "Ohmygod, they look so cute together", Natasha squealed and snapped a few pictures from different angles. And they really were.

Bucky had curled up into a little contend ball on Steve's lap and he kinda wrapped his body around her. Both their faces where adorned with pleased smiles and the others decided not ruin their moment. Sam left a note saying that they didn't want to wake the two up and all Avengers aside from Steve moved to their respective floors and rooms to go to bed.

* * *

 **The next morning, she was greeted with Steve's big chest heaving up and down in sleep beneath her. Something inside her chest felt like she was about to fly and she cuddled a bit closer to him. He moved but didn't wake up and so she decided to ask JARVIS to pull the curtains closed and sleep a little bit more, enjoying the feeling of being close to her best friend again.**

 _ **I missed that... I loved being close to him all the time.**_

 _I like that too... it's comfy... he's so warm..._

 _ **'Yeah... I love being close to him, too...'**_

 **For the first time since their dividing, all three personalities had the same opinion – enjoy it while it lasts. Bucky pulled the blanket a bit closer around them, closed her eyes and basically basked in Steve's warmth.**

* * *

When Steve opened his eyes, it was rather dark in the room. Curtains closed, they didn't let any sunlight in, aside from a small line underneath them. He felt a steady movement against his chest and looking down, he saw Bucky, cuddled close to him and smiling fondly.

He himself couldn't help but smile at how cute she was. He already knew, that she needed someone close to her. The time she spent as HYDRA's killing Popsicle, she had nobody. She had told him that, after every complete mission, she'd be put back into cryo.

Steve was glad, that she chose him to cuddle up to. After realizing what he felt for his best friend (and kinda confessing three weeks prior) he wanted nothing more, than to be close to her. And just the simple thought of someone else getting this close to her, made him nauseous from anger.

Right in this moment, she woke up. Completely dazed from sleep, she sat up and rubbed her right eye with the hand that was still flesh. "Stevie..?", Bucky mumbled and yawned. "Yes, I'm here", said answered and stroke her head. The reply was a wide smile and her settling down on his lap again. "Just five minutes more...", the woman whispered against his belly and curled up again.

He sat there, contended and stroking her hair while she dozed off once more. He didn't count the minutes, didn't care for time as he sat there and started dreaming about what could be.

Settling down. A nice house with a big garden, children and maybe a dog. Hanging his shield up and giving his all for their normal lifes. Steve left his mind to wander off into the distance. A wedding. Of course he'd ask her to marry him. He wanted to show the world that she belonged to him and only him. No other man could understand her the way he did and they either died as bachelors both or, well, married.

Bucky shifted on his legs and that took him back to reality.

"You okay, Bucks?", he asked, wondering if she just dreamed. "Yeah..", still dream-dazed, she rubbed her eye and looked in his eyes. Her hair was completely tousled and she was still in somewhat of a sleep-drunk haze as she smiled lovingly at him and yawned big time. "You're too cute for your own damn god sometimes, Barnes..", he muttered under his breath, hoping she didn't hear it and ascribing her faint blushed cheeks to the fact that she just woke up.

"I'll make us coffee, okay?", Steve asked and shuffled to indicate that she'd have to get off of him for that to happen. "Mkay...", she murmured and moved off his lap. Her warmth was missed greatly as she sat down beside him on the couch, still yawning like there was no tomorrow. Even when the blonde came back with two coffee-filled mugs in his hand, she was still on the couch and looked into nowhere.

"Here. Black, just how you like it", he handed Bucky the mug with the red star on it and she grabbed it, shooting him a pleased and thankful look. She took a deep sip of it and sighed. "Why do you think did they leave us here...", she asked making Steve nearly choke because he breathed in some of his coffee.

"Guess, they didn't want to wake us up", he shrugged and the unamused snort beside him was slightly startling. "Yeah of course", Bucky scoffed, handing him the phone Tony gave her to keep track of her.

For the second time, Steve nearly choked on inhaled coffee, as he saw the picture shown on it. It was a message from Natasha (He assumed, because the name was written in Russian) and showed the two of them, cuddled up to each other. Bucky was curled up to a tiny ball on his lap and he himself was wrapped around her, both faces adorned with loving little smiles.

This time he needed Bucky to rub his back to soothe the coughing. They sat there in complete silence and didn't dare to look at each other.

Which caused them to miss that the other was just as red faced as themselves, flustered with how they acted around each other. Bucky was about o get up and leave as suddenly the elevator door opened and Natasha came out, joking and laughing with Clint.

It took Steve about two seconds to see that they where holding hands. "When did that happen?", he asked to distract him from Bucky. Who entirely stopped like dead in her tracks and looked over at the redhead and the man beside her.

"Um... yesterday, during the movie... kinda...", Clint was a stuttering, red-headed mess, while Natasha just straight walked up to Bucky, speaking very fast Russian with her.

All of a sudden, the girls grabbed each others hands and squealed and jumped like teenagers talking about how their crush asked them out. The man looked at each other and Steve just asked: "Coffee?" to which Clint nodded.

They heard the woman talk even in the kitchen of the common area. Striking up a conversation seemed like the right thing to do and soon, they where deep inside friendly arguing over whether a shield was better than a bow and vice versa.

Slowly but surely, the Avengers tower came to life and even Tony and Pepper made it down into the common area for breakfast. Sam, Steve and Clint had worked pure miracles in the kitchen and actually managed to prepare breakfast for 16 people within half an hour as well as the blonde and his archer friend still arguing.

It was happy chatter at the table, Peter embarrassing himself multiple times because he 'Accidentally' called Tony "Dad" and Steve and Bucky somehow ending up on one chair rather than two separate ones. She was sitting comfortably in his lap, her coffee mug in her hands and laughing whole-heartedly at some joke Sam just pulled while he kept chatting away with Bruce. Generally put, it was just like a big family breakfast and honestly, Steve loved that. He realized, that even skeptical Mister Rhodes had somehow learned to accept Bucky as one of theirs. Over the course of the morning, the woman on his lap became more and more like the one from before that damned Cold War. Funny, charismatic and outgoing, smiling, laughing and telling funny stories. Most of which consisted on pulling Steve up with his pre-serum height, to which he always responded with playful jabs and annoyed groans.

They decided to spent the day together as a group of friends and soon where on their way to Central park. As soon as they walked out the towers doors, Steve wished them back inside. Reporters floated around them, wanting to know more about a potential add-on to the Avengers group.

"They're talking about you, Snowflake", Sam whispered to her. They had talked about Bucky joining the Avengers and aside from Rhodes being a buzz-kill literally everywhere he went, everyone was pretty happy about that. "More fighters, better chances", as Clint had put it.

Bucky walked right up to a reporter, wearing her sweetest smile. Steve knew that one. She was about to lull the reporters into some sweet story. He walked up beside her, keeping her back like she had done for him.

"Yes, I did join the Avengers. I met Agent Romanoff while she was in Russia a year and a half ago and she talked me into coming back here to meet her friends. Honestly, they are awesome, I really fancy that they consider me part of the team", Bucky laughed a little with the man in front of her.

A woman approaching them asked the one question Steve was embarrassed about. "What is your relationship with our beloved hero, Captain America? Because as of lately, photos and drawings seem to pop up out of nowhere about you two", she said all that in such a sweet voice, Steve knew there was something wrong with it.

* * *

 **The tone in the womans voice almost caught her off guard. Almost.**

" **Nitpicking bastards...", she heard her best friend behind her, sure that he believed even she didn't hear it.**

" **Well, Steve and I know each other for a very very long time. Even longer than I know anyone else of the Avengers. We are best friends, always have been and always will be. We-", she was cut off by the reporter, who asked: "Really just friends? Because this picture here suggest a lot more." She pulled up her phone,showing the picture Bucky had found this morning.**

" **Oh, y'know, we're really close. We've known each other since we were five and we did everything together. We even went swimming one time and got nearly all our clothes stolen. I had to borrow his way too small shirt afterwards."**

 **Bucky's reply was well calculated and completely right. But reporter-woman just wouldn't shut up. "Well, there are lots of people who want to see you together. As a couple, I mean", again, the slight suggestion made Steve blush and his heartbeat quicken. Bucky heard that.**

 _ **Maybe we should just, y'know, give it a try. Can't be that wrong...**_

 _No... I wouldn't want to use him to our advantage. And besides, who says we are more than a friend for him?_

 **'Well... I highly doubt that he sees more in us. We know too much about each other.'**

" **Time will tell what's going to happen and what's not happening", Steve cut her inner dialog and dragged her away from the whole scenery. Tony managed to get the reporters off of their asses and they could actually spent a day as friends together. Running through the park, playing Frisbee with Steve's shield (Though Bucky was the only one to really catch it) and the blonde discovering his best friends weakness for dogs.**

" **They are just so cute and cuddly and they kinda remind me of how you used to be, Stevie", she answered with that weird glimmer in her eyes as he asked her about that. Bucky couldn't lie to Steve, never could. So she just had to go and tell him, that she liked Golden Retrievers best, because their fur color reminded her of his hair and they were just as cuddly as he was from time to time.**

 **After a long and beautiful day filled with happy memories, laughter and jokes, all of the Avengers fell in their respective beds (Okay, some together with others) and soon, the tower was sleeping.**

 **Except for Bucky, who was out on the balcony of her room, smoking. After HYDRA had freed her, she went back to old habits. Smoking was one of them and she did miss it. Steve didn't but that was something he would never get out of her head.**

 **Filling said head with happy memories, both from back in Brooklyn and her time with the Avengers, she smiled into the cold night's air as she watched her smoke disappear. Soon after she went to bed and for the first time in months – no years – she had a nice dream.**


	17. Chapter 16

The following week, Tony had decided to take the others on a vacation. It had been quiet for a pretty long time.

"We should be allowed a vacation, too. So, I decided that we're going to spent a week on my private island", he had said with a determination that led to everyone just accepting the fact. To be completely honest, most of them actually fancied the idea of getting away from their work and even though some didn't like warm climate, they still tagged along.

Well, maybe it was due to Tony saying over and over again, that: "Nobody is to miss this, it's going to be spectacular and you're gonna love it." Or something like this.

Steve was excited like a little kid and he and Peter were basically glued to the windows during the whole 5 hour flight. They where watching clouds pass by and as soon as the small island came to sight, they where jumping around the plane and planned what they'd do first.

Natasha and Clint tried to calm them down a bit, but it was no use. "First, we'll go swimming!", Peter shouted and Steve shook his head in denial. "No, first we have to have a party!", the older growled back. He and the Spider-boy had gotten into a fight over this and he was determined to get what he wanted.

"I vote for swimming", Bucky casually dropped when she walked past them, a drink in her hand. "Hey, I thought you where supposed to have my back, Sargent Barnes!", the blonde shouted after her. She turned to give him her best lopsided grin and he simply flipped her off, before continuing to argue with the boy.

Once they landed, Tony grabbed a list out of his pocket and explained: "We are 16 people, but I only have 8 huts build here. So you will need to share. I made a list to decide who is going to share with who. Any questions?" The others shook their heads. Steve saw the grin on the billionaires face and felt his stomach turn.

"Okay, so Thor and Jane, obviously. Pepper is going with me, the Maximoff twins are going to share and Peter and Bruce. Rhodey, you will need to share with Sam, s'that okay?" The two black man nodded and the grin on Tony's face was growing. "Good. Nat, you're going to share with Clint, 'kay?" Nat seemed to understand where the man was getting at and she nodded with an evil grin on her own face, matching Tony's by all means.

Steve furrowed his brows. "Then, I'll have to share with Bucky. That makes no sense, Tony, why not have Nat and Buck share?" Natasha giggled like a little girl and the blonde man thought he'd saw a slight blush creep over his best friends cheeks.

"You are supersoldiers, Capsicle. Which means, you are the only one who's going to be able to hold down Snowflake here if she turns to Winter Soldier again. No offense, Snowy", Tony said matter-of-factly. "None taken, Cola Can", she answered while looking at her nails.

Steve saw Tony's eyes nearly bulge out of his head at the nickname and Bucky seemed to have noticed, because a slight chuckle came from her. Nat and the others just laughed their heads of and the brunette seemed pretty satisfied with what she had accomplished.

"I'm not a Cola can guys, that's so not funny!", Tony screamed his head off and even Steve couldn't help but tune in on the laughter. "Alright, if we are at the point of giving each other nicknames, Wilson should be Birdie", Nat threw in and Sam stopped laughing. "Okay, then you're gonna be Brute", Sam shot back with a grin.

Soon, they where all bickering over each others weird and funny nicknames. Sam actually ended up as 'Birdie' and Nat with 'Brute' (Sam said, she's just to brutal for anything else). Steve and Bucky kept Capsicle and Snowflake, while Rhodes was named 'Trashcan'. Peter stuck with 'Spidey' (one of the less awkward names) and Thor was fascinated by 'Thunda'. Clint got the least embarrassing name, as he was just called 'Hawk'

They laughed their heads off, as Tony once again shouted that, no, his suit was not inspired by a Coca Cola Can and , no, he did not like his nickname. "You don't have much of a choice on this, Cola Can", Rhodes chuckled and his friend turned so red, they thought his head might blow up.

"Well, since he gave us the weird names, we should have a say in his, right?", bucky studied her nails as she threw that comment. The others agreed with her and Tony just mumbled something like: "Need a drink, those idiots" and walked off.

Just then, Steve noticed that the matter of the shared huts wasn't cleared and he turned to Nat, asking her: "So, why does Cola Can want me and Buck share? I mean, yeah, I get his point but..." Nat cut him off: "We all want you two to share because you already had the pleasure of it. You know each other better than any of us will ever. For example, Snowflake already told us that you two used to share a bed back in the 40's. You haven't done that with anyone else as far as I'm concerned."

Steve nodded, though he did have the feeling that Natasha's wide grin as he left, meant something else than what she said.

It didn't take long for them to get back to the beach, as their travel cases had already been moved to their respective huts and the clothes where already put away. Steve was first to arrive, considering that Bucky wanted to change clothes into something more weather-fitting. During the flight, she had worn black jeans, a grey tang top and a black vest on top, accompanied by her always present combat boots.

That was really a bit too much for the warm climate they where in.

Steve took a few steps into the warm water. The small waves around his ankles had a soothing effect on his mind and he found it wandering through various topics. Clint and Sam soon joined in and the three men stood there in complete silence, enjoying each others company. Even Thor, who normally was a big loud-mouth, kept quiet and soon enough, the men where standing next to each other. Tony, Rhodes, Peter and Pietro (who stood still for the first time since Steve met him) next to Sam, Clint, Thor and Steve. It was a contend silence, none of the men willing to break it anytime soon.

The first of the girls to arrive was Pepper. She wore a beautiful pink bikini and a flower-sprinkled light summer dress on top. Tony went on his way with her, wandering the beach and quietly talking with her. They looked so happy, just like a couple should.

Jane was the second, wearing a white bikini with small flowers and butterflies on it. Thor looked appreciatively at her, but kept his mouth shut. They sat back in the beach chairs and talked about this and that, keeping it low. Steve smiled at it, Thor being quiet was a very rare thing. Pietro soon joined his sister Wanda, who was rocking a wine red bikini with small crystals on it. Sam and Rhodes went to pick up Bruce and Vision, wanting to explore the island with them. Steve and Clint where left behind, still standing in the waves and looking into the slowly setting sun.

"What do you think, will Nat wear...", Clint asked quietly and Steve turned to face him. A small but loving smile spread across the others lips and Steve found himself answering: "No matter what it is, I'm sure she'll look stunning." "Yeah... I bet"

"Why don't you ask her?", Natasha's voice sounded behind them and Clint spun around. She was wearing a black bikini with a red spider on one side, a red, see-through cloth wrapped around her hips. The archer wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her close. "You look beautiful, Nat", he whispered, just loud enough for Steve to catch it. A small blush spread on the redheads cheeks and she blew a kiss to the mans cheek. "Thank you"

Clint and Nat wandered off, the opposite direction of Tony and Pepper and Steve was left alone, staring into the horizon. He didn't care for time at all, nor for the fact that everyone else seemed to have something to do or someone special to spend time with. He left his thoughts to wander once more and missed Bucky sneaking up behind him.

Suddenly his vision was blocked by two hands, female and soft, and a voice behind him asked: "Who am I?" "Bucky?" the hands moved away and he turned. And froze once his eyes caught sight of his best friend.

Bucky wore a camo-colored triangle bikini, showing off her slightly tanned skin and toned body. Her hair was open, waves of brown flowing over her back and shoulders. She had a small red flower in it and switched out her usual black eye make up for a bronze color, making her eyes shine like the galaxies Steve knew they where. Blushing she twirled a strain of her hair around a finger and looked up to him through her long lashes. "So... what do you think?" Steve opened his mouth to reply, closed it again and blushed heavily, knowing he looked like a fish out of water.

"I...uh.. ahm...good you looking... ah...", Steve stammered, unwillingly switching up the sentences grammar and as soon as he realized this, his blush deepened and he slapped his head. "What I meant to say was.. uh.. you look absolutely stunning", _smooth, Rogers, really. Now she thinks you're the biggest creep_. He kept his hand over his eyes and felt embarrassment wash through him.

"Thank you...", her voice was small but she sounded so genuinely happy, that the blonde finally looked at her. Awkward silence spread between them, neither of them knowing what to say. When Bucky turned to look at Steve, she blushed and her eyes widened to an extent, her friend wasn't sure was possible.

"I knew, you changed... but this.. wow", she reached out and traced the muscles on his chest with a finger. "I never thought, the sweet little boy from Brooklyn would become so...", she stopped dead in her tracks and grew furiously red. Steve was still processing what she said and as soon as his brain wrapped around what she _might have said_ he imitated her, growing beet red within seconds.

Collecting his last senses, he said: "Well... you have changed too... I mean... you look good with long hair and your muscles..." he reached out himself and layed a finger on her stomach, tracing her muscles and memorizing them to draw her later on. Steve felt Bucky shiver under his touch and looked up. Her right hand had wandered back to her left shoulder, and a sad look crossed her face.

"Let me see it. Please", the blonde said, reaching out to pull her hand away. Reluctantly, she let go of her shoulder, revealing scar tissue on the corners of her metal prosthetic. It was white and looked a bit like lightning. "Did it hurt?", Steve found himself asking and she nodded in response. "Does it hurt now?" She shook her head and replied: "No, it doesn't. I just feel... a bit self-conscious about it, y'know?"

That was when Steve threw all caution to the wind and wrapped his arms around her slender waist, pulling her flush to his strong chest and nuzzling his nose into her hair. "I'm sorry." He felt her right arm winding around his body and shivered at the cold of the metal one. Bucky noticed and wanted to pull back, but he grabbed the wrist and pulled it around him. "It's just a little bit cold, that's all." She nodded and nuzzled up to him, burying her face in his chest. "What are you apologizing for anyway?", she asked, voice muffled. Steve sighed and answered: "If I had saved you... you wouldn't have had to go through this. You would still have your left arm." She pushed away and looked him dead in the eyes, a serious frown on her face. "Yeah, and I'd be a hundred years old, probably senile if not dead. Wouldn't want you getting your ass handed to you again", she deadpanned.

"Yeah, you wouldn't be of much help to the team then, hu?" Steve pulled a goofy grin and she gave him her lopsided smile, jabbing his arm. "Yeah, probably not. Though I wonder if I ever get older. The serum has prevented me from dying so far", she chuckled and he was glad that she seemed to be in a better mood than minutes before.

He pulled her back in, blowing a feather-light kiss to the base of her hair. They stood there, hugging each other for a long time, trying to make up for all those missed opportunities. Neither of them said something and even as Tony, who had come back, threw a comment, Bucky just flipped him off and cuddled back up to Steve. A contend smile was drawn across both their faces and even as they unwinded their arms to look at the gorgeous sunset together, his left was still wrapped around her waist, her right around his.

The waves flushed up against their legs, the smell of sun and flowers wrapped around them. They only separated when Sam informed them that the food was ready. They had barbecue and while the blonde picked up their plates and put steaks, salad and sauces on them, Bucky found them a place to sit. Steve sat down and pulled her onto his lap, not wanting her to be gone for now.

Chatting, eating and laughing they spent the entire evening together with he others. Even as the sun was gone, they just rekindled the fireplace and sat around it, telling stories and singing together. Steve was happy, even more as Bucky leaned back against him and intertwined their fingers below a blanket he had grabbed from their hut. He wished that this moment, with the woman he loved and the friends he held so dear would never end. They cuddled up to each other, loving how close they where and that no one was judging them.

They sat long into the night and in between happy chatter, Steve blew kisses to Bucky's hair, wishing she'd feel the same as he did.


	18. Chapter 17

**As Bucky woke up in the hut she shared with Steve on the king-sized bed the next morning, she was covered by a Rogers-Style-blanket. She gasped for air, pushing his shoulder forcefully with her left arm and choked: "Off!" Steve moved enough to slide down her body and she filled her lungs with air.**

 _ **Sweet, sweet oxygen! I thought we're gonna die!**_

 _Yeah... though it was nice, waking up with him..._

 **'Kinda yeah.. still, I like my oxygen'**

 **Just as Barnes and Winter quiet down, Bucky remembered what had gone down the last night.**

 **She had been cuddling with Steve. Sat on his lap. She had fucking _held his hand_ through nearly the entire evening and night, with their fingers _intertwined!_**

 **Bucky grew furiously red within seconds, her mouth hanging agape as if she as screaming. The next second, she jumped out of bed – luckily still wearing her bikini – and darted out the door. Right down to the beach and even further, jumping into the waves with so much force, she was miles away from the shore when she came up for air.**

 **The water cooled her head a little and felt good, washing her back to the island with every wave. That was when she remembered the entire evening to even the smallest detail.**

 **Steve had pulled her into his lap, when she had been about to sit down next to him. She sat in his lap the entire time, cuddling even closer when they where under the protective cover of the blanket. Intertwining her fingers with his and feeling safe in his strong arms. He had blown kisses to her hair, when nobody was looking and she loved the feeling of it. Sometime into the night, she had fallen asleep curled up on his legs.**

 **He must have carried her back to their hut. Not that it would be hard for him, lifting her mere 66 kilogramms. He had done it before after all, without so much as a hitch in his breath.**

 **By the time she had calmed down enough, she heard Steve shouting her name on the shore. She swam back and emerged from the water, subconsciously swaying her hips. She brushed the wet hair out of her face and as she opened her eyes, Steve was right in front of her, mouth hanging agape, eyes wide open and a brightly visible blush on his face.**

 **When the blonde realized, that he was starring he cleared his throat and ripped his eyes from her form. His hand moved up to scratch the back of his neck and he looked everywhere but at her. "I thought, you just ran off again..."**

 **she snorted in amusement and replied: "Yeah, like I could go anywhere far from here." It was sarcastic and she knew that Steve would get angry at this.**

 **Except he didn't. His big arms winded around her smaller frame and he pulled her flush to his chest, dropping his head into the crane of her neck. "I couldn't bear loosing you again, Buck. Not now or ever." She felt her cheeks heat up and patted his head. "M'sorry, Stevie. I just needed some fresh air to cool my head", she whispered, not knowing what else to say.**

 **He pulled her even closer and suddenly she felt something warm on her skin, completely in contrary to the cooling water running out her hair. "Are-are you crying?", Bucky asked, panic in her voice clear as day. She felt Steve nodding against her shoulder and his body trembling against hers.**

" **I thought... I thought I'd loose you again... and I don' want to loose you ever! I was so afraid when I woke up and you where gone and I couldn't find you anywhere and the sheets where cold and I remembered your voice and I...i...", Steve choked on his words and a sob ran through his body.**

 **Bucky winded her arms out of his embrace and braced them around his big back. She felt tears prickle in her own eyes but willed them back, knowing that it would only make him even more afraid if she started to cry. "M'sorry... I would never leave, Stevie. Never. You're too important to me and I need to know you're safe", she said and her voice trembled with every word.**

 **They stood there for an eternity, the sun rising in the background. When Steve let go of her, albeit reluctantly, she looked him in his bloodshot eyes and couldn't hold her own tears back anymore. They flowed over, streaming down her face and Steve pulled her back in, drawing circles on her back and his voice soothing her: "Sh... I'm here, Buck, I won't leave..."**

 **Somehow they made it back to the hut and both sank down on the bed completely exhausted. Even as they shifted to get comfortable, they didn't let go of each other. They didn't sleep but talked and soon, a knock sounded on the door frame.**

" **Breakfast's ready...you guys.. eat that sort of thing", Sam was clearly uncomfortable with interrupting their moment, but they just got up and thanked him with bright smiles.**

 **The happy chatter from the last evening continued and nobody said anything about both Steve and Bucky staying close to each other or their red cornered eyes. As before, she was sitting on his lap, his arms curled around her and holding her close. Natasha and Sam shot them a few annoyed glances and she started squirming uncomfortably. But since nothing else happened, they went about their day as normal, swimming and somewhere along the way, Nat and Sam dropped the glares and just had fun like anyone else.**

* * *

Steve was so happy about everything, he barely noticed how two of his closest friends glared at him and Bucky during breakfast.

Swimming was suddenly his favorite thing to do, since this morning. The picture of sexy Bucky in her camo bikini coming out of the water with beads of liquid running down her toned body was still very vivid in his mind. And he hoped to see that again, at any cost.

The best thing about that was her hair. It was so beautiful when it flowed through the water and he loved how she kept up with him when he went for a dive. They where both supersoldiers, so she had just as much breath as him. She looked so absolutely gorgeous and even the fishes around the island crept close to them.

Soon, Bucky was surrounded by tons of glimmering and sparkling fishes and she looked so genuinely happy, it made Steve's small little heart jump in his chest. As they came up for air, she was laughing again and in this very moment, he wanted nothing more than to kiss her. When he saw the spark in her eyes, he made his decision and dived back down. She followed close by and immediately the fishes where back.

He turned around so he could see her and swam up to her. A questioning look spread over her face, but she let him wrap his arms around her waist and pull her close to himself. Looking deep into her eyes, he nearly missed the blush creeping over her face as he slowly leaned in.

And then, Steve's lips brushed ever so lightly over Bucky's, just for a brief second. Then, he let go of her and got up again. Without waiting, he hurried towards the shore and sprinted to their hut, his face flushed so brightly red, he felt like it was glowing.

He heard Tony call after him and ask what's wrong, but he was too fast to answer and just left them sitting there dumbfounded. Once he reached the hut, he wrapped himself in a towel, locked the door and curled up into a tiny ball in the corner of the room furthest away from the door. "Idiot, idiot, idiot!", he cursed himself over and over again, shaking his head and running his hands through his hair, tugging at the strains violently.

* * *

 **She was so surprised when Steve kissed her, she couldn't do anything. And the second she had collected her scattered thoughts, he was gone, swimming to the shore and darting away.**

 **Bucky followed slowly and when she reached the beach, Tony and Pepper where there, looking at her with an 'explain-that-now' look, that she knew had no walk-arounds. "He um... he.. kissed me", she didn't dare to look at them, guessing they'd be utterly shocked.**

" **Then follow him, Snowflake. He's gotta have a reason for it", Pepper sounded like she thought this situation was extremely funny. Bucky growled inwardly and set out to find that dumb punk, who just had to go and kiss her.**

 **She wandered around the island, never once checking the hut. She just thought, that it would be way too obvious for him to hide there. But he was nowhere else. She was just about to go back to the hut and check there after all, when she brushed away some bushes and found the most beautiful place she'd ever seen.**

 **It was a small lake with a waterfall surrounded by bushes and trees and a huge load of colorful flowers. The place had something magical and, mesmerized by the beauty, she just forgot completely about Steve for the time being. Bucky walked onto the clearing. The stones where round shaped and couldn't cu her bare feet. She gazed around her, the light painting a beautiful scenery around her.**

 **When Bucky approached the water, she felt that it was really warm and soothing. She thought about Steve for a moment and decided to calm her nerves before talking to him. She'd be an utter mess of words then, probably mixing them up unwillingly.**

 **Dropping her bikini, she slowly walked into the lake and enjoyed the feeling of warm water around her naked body. It had been eons since she felt like that and she savored every second. Colorful reflections of the flowers and her own hair danced across the water, making it look like a liquid rainbow.**

 **Bucky would show Steve this place. Soon. But for now, she needed to calm herself and enjoy the feeling of the water playing along her skin.**

* * *

Steve had been in the hut for almost the entirety of the day. He had calmed down, remembered what he did and was flustered again. This trend continued for almost 5 hours, before he decided he couldn't avoid Bucky forever.

A deep sight left his throat as he got up to look for his best friend – If she still wanted to have anything to do with him that was. As soon as he unlocked the door and opened it, he was greeted by the faces of his fellow teammates as well as Pepper and Jane. They all looked very unappreciative and he felt himself cringing, not knowing what he had done wrong.

Oh, who was he kidding, he knew what he did and he didn't feel any better with it.

"You know, Snowflake's gone for nearly 5 hours now. She went searching for you but she wasn't here, was she?", concern swung in Tony's voice and Steve could barely keep himself from panicking. "She's gone? Where? Why?", his voice was high-pitched of fear and Natasha rolled her eyes.

"As Cola Can just said, she was going to look for you after you fucking KISSED her, Capsicle. Did all the time you've been frozen slow down your brain or what?" She was angry. Very, very angry. Else, she wouldn't have brought up _that_ topic.

"I'm going to look for her", the blonde growled out, determined to make things right. Maybe even leave her, if she wanted him to. "We are all going to look for her, Rogers. The island is pretty big, we will need all the team to find even the slightest trace", Rhodes deadpanned him.

"I don't think that this is of need, Mister Rhodes", Vision said, calm as day.

"And why is that, Shiny Stone?"

"I have seen where the woman is. Captain only needs to follow her traces. Besides, I do think it's better if he finds her."

Steve shoved his big body through his friends and Vision showed him the beginnings of Bucky's traces. "She wants to be found...", the blonde murmured. Natasha furrowed a brow and asked: "How do you know that?" The blonde pointed down at the traces of bare feet on the ground and replied: "If she doesn't want to be found, you won't find her. She left pretty obvious traces, so I assume she has no intention of running away."

"Then, go, find her, Frostbrain!", Pepper shoved him in the direction, Bucky supposedly went with an aggression and force, Steve would never thought the small woman had.

He followed the tracks, sometimes going in circles and as the sun was dragging the light away, it got harder and harder to see where they led. Somehow, he ended up in front of a seemingly unbreakable wall of bushes, tress and colorful flowers. The tracks went right through it and so, he brushed away the branches, carefully crawling to the other side.

And stand there with his mouth opened in awe. The clearing was beautiful, the flowers glistening and making the whole air sparkle. The moonlight was still enough to paint faint dots of rainbow on the surface of a small lake. And in the middle of said lake was Bucky.

Her long hair wet and flowing with the small waves her movements made, her bikini forgotten somewhere on the shore. Her skin, light bronzed from days under the sun, shimmered in the pale light and Steve could do nothing else than stand on the wet pepple-like round stones of the shore and stare.

He froze like a deer in headlights and was mesmerized by what he saw. She turned around to face him and he reconned her hiding her naked frame from him but she just smiled at him so sweetly, he dropped everything he had wanted to say, undressed and joined her.

The water was surprisingly warm and she didn't back down when he approached her. She took a swift step towards him,causing little waves to break on his hips, and reached out to him. Steve took her in his arms, nuzzling his face against her head and loving how her soft skin pressed against his own body.

"Stevie?" "Hm?" She looked up at him, still smiling softly and this time, he didn't miss the blush on her face.

"I love you."

Steve's eyes widened. She didn't just... did she? Then, soft lips against his, carefully but firmly and it took his breath away. She kissed him. Of her own accord. Nobody around to force her or had something to prove to.

His eyes fell shut and he pulled her closer to him, returning the kiss and trying to put all his feelings inside it. When they came up for air, both breathing heavily, Steve looked at her and said: "I love you too, ya jerk." Bucky chuckled and softly jabbed his arm.

They spent their time in the water playing around and splashing the warm liquid at each other. Their united laughter filled the air together with chirping of cicadas and the soft sough of the wind. After some time, they just held each other again, surrounded by fireflies.

It was magical. Steve imprinted the picture of Bucky standing in the water, surrounded by fireflies under the pale moon light in his mind. He never wanted to forget that moment, that view. Not, because she was naked, that was something completely irrelevant that moment. No, because she looked so unbelievably beautiful that he wanted nothing more than to stop time.


	19. Chapter 18

**GRAPHIC SMUT CHAPTER! DON'T LIKE DON'T READ!**

* * *

 **The night dragged on, but they both didn't care. The water was still warm and the full moon was bright enough for them to see each other. They enjoyed their company, swimming through the warm water, diving down and some time just standing beneath the small waterfall and kiss.**

 **Bucky was happy. She had debated with Winter and Barnes whether she should tell him she loved him or not. They both had the same opinion and basically pushed her to tell. And she was glad she listened to her two alter egos.**

 **Steve was just beautiful. When he wrapped his big arms around her body, it felt so right, she nearly cried. His warm skin pressed to hers, his heartbeat underneath her small hands and his scent around her. It felt like she was finally home from a long and exhausting trip.**

 **And the look on her face, when she told him. She felt a wave of affection wash through her and couldn't hold back. Her lips on his felt so right, like they belonged there. His arms around her body, which tightened as she kissed him.**

 **Bucky didn't expect him to answer, but he did. She never thought he'd feel the same as she did, up until he had kissed her earlier that day. Which, to be honest, was the reason she opted for telling him after all. And she was really, honestly superglad she did.**

 **Spending time with him like this felt so natural, she never even wasted a thought to both of them being completely and entirely naked. She hadn't even planned on this to happen. Steve seeing her naked was one thing she never thought would ever happen. Not because she felt self-conscious about her body (Okay, maybe a little about her left shoulder) but because she had been sure that he would never feel the same.**

 **But now she was happy that it happened. She noticed the gazes he shot her, noticed how he looked at her appreciatively and lovingly. When they moved in together once again, his arms wrapped around her slender waist and hers around his neck, Steve looked at her like she was his universe.**

 **He kissed her, over and over again. He went down her jawline, her neck (Which gained him a small moan as his teeth grazed her sensitive spot) and down to her shoulders. He didn't hesitate at the line where flesh met metal, he seemed to put all effort in it so she wouldn't feel like he didn't like that part of her.**

 **Oh, Bucky had been so sure that he would hate her metal arm. It was always cold and represented a part of her life she wasn't that keen about. For a short second, she felt a shiver run down her spine as his teeth grazed the scarred skin.**

" **Steve.." The blonde shifted to look her into the eyes and his smile robbed her every breath. She lunged forward and pressed her lips to his once more. Bucky felt one of his hands on the back of her head, pulling her even closer. The other was pressed to her back. She melted into the kiss that was so passionate and loving.**

 **They parted reluctantly and she felt his racing heart beneath her hands. She looked down to where they were curled against his chest and giggled. "My hands are so small compared to your chest, it's almost ridiculous." He raised and eyebrow and smiled: "Why is it ridiculous? You're way shorter than me, it's only natural." Bucky leaned her head against his chest and laughed. "I know, I know. But I was so used to you being smaller than me, I need to get used to the big you first", she felt him chuckle and looked up through her eyelashes.**

" **I have to get used to you being smaller than me as well, Buck", Steve answered and blew another kiss to the base of her hair. They kept silent after this, just enjoying each others company for the time being.**

 **Some time after, they moved back to the waterfall, exchanging kiss after kiss while the warm water poured down on them. It started out simply as prove of how much they loved each other, but grew heated and needy soon. They were pressed to each other, their warming bodies as close to each other as possible. And it was still not close enough.**

 **Steve swept her off her feet and her legs immediately wrapped around his hips. Her hair was surrounding them as she had to tilt her head down to reach his lips with hers. The water was deep enough to reach up to Steve's chest and she loved how some stray droplets ran along it. Bucky wrapped her arms around his shoulders, her left hand on his head, her right on his hot skin.**

" **Buck, you're so fucking beautiful...", the blonde murmured against her lips and she chuckled lightly: "Language Stevie", before drawing in for another set of searing kisses. He started to move away from her mouth and trailed his lips down her jawline to suck on the soft skin on her neck. She knew, he'd left a mark there and didn't miss her own moaning as his teeth grazed the sensitive spot on her throat.**

 **She felt him chuckle and a sudden determination rose inside her chest. She leaned down to nibble on his earlobe and was rewarded with a low groan re-vibrating in her own body. "Found it", she whispered in his ear and felt the huge grin on her face. "I did not intend to make this a contest, Barnes", he growled back and lightly bit down on her shoulder. She threw back her head and her eyes fluttered shut as another moan left her throat.**

 **Bucky felt the smug grin on Steve's lips, but she didn't care. It felt too good to be here, her legs wrapped around his hips, his arms around her back and his lips tracing hot lines along her skin. She was burning and felt him shifting under her legs. His left arm still wrapped tightly around her back, the right one moving down past her waist and stopping just under her butt.**

" **I can't be that heavy, Steve", she sulked a little and he chuckled again. "No, you're not. Just felt like it", with that he pressed his lips to hers once more. Bucky felt his left hand drawing circles on her back and how he lightly bit on her bottom lip. A sudden gasp escaped her lips, as she felt his right hand squeezing her butt.**

" **Too far?", Steve sounded almost afraid. She shook her head and felt the blush creep up her cheeks. "Just a little surprised...", she leaned down to kiss him again, wanting to get her point across. He seemed to get it, because his hand was back on her butt within seconds and she moaned in approval.**

* * *

Steve was afraid for a short moment, that he might've gone to far. But she seemed to feel exactly the same as he did. Their kiss was passionate and needy, and Steve found himself wondering if this might just go spiraling out of control.

"I don't care, this feels just right", Bucky answered panting and he realized he had said that out loud. Fueled by what the brunette had said, Steve licked a trace down from her left ear to just above her chest.

But for the first time in his entire life, his courage failed him. He stopped right above her breasts, unsure of what to do. Slowly nipping her skin, he felt embarrassment wash over him. The gritting of teeth made him look up and his gaze was met with disapproval. Bucky was panting heavily and her pupils were blown wide.

Suddenly she rolled her hips against his and he couldn't help the heavy gasp. She threw her head back once again and they started to move together. Somehow, she slid down his waist to his hips. And jerked her head forward with her eyes opened wide. He felt the touch against his own arousal and flushed red.

"I uh... I can explain?", Steve offered with an awkward smile. Bucky, still panting heavily, just lunged forwards, crashing their lips together and rolling her hips down again, making him groan into the kiss. That was, when his courage finally kicked back in and he moved his lips down her throat and neck once again, this time licking and sucking and kissing all the way down to her breasts. Not stopping until he had one of her nipples between his lips.

His efforts were rewarded by a loud moan, as Bucky arched her back into his touch.

Which caused her womanhood to brush his erection. Steve couldn't help but groan and carefully bite the nipple in his mouth. Both of them were panting like they had run a marathon by now, Bucky digging her nails into Steve's back while he grazed his against her tights.

"Stevie...", she was so beautiful that moment. Her cheeks were flushed red and er mouth was hanging open, sucking in air like she was drowning. Her hair was a complete mess, tousled by Steve's hands. Her nipples stood straight and when she opened those beautiful eyes halfway, he knew what she was getting at.

"Are you sure...", his question seemed out of place, but he still wanted her to be absolutely and completely sure about that. She knew that he had his standards and that having sex with him meant, they'd be getting married some day.

Bucky moaned as she rolled her hips against his and nodded. "I love you", she breathed more than she spoke, but that was all Steve needed to know. He moved down his left hand and held on to her hips. The water around them splashed a little, as she trashed a bit, trying to get her hips to his again.

Bucky whined as he kept a firm grip on her hips. Steve looked up to her through his lashes once more to make sure that this was what she wanted. He gave another sharp suck to her nipple before releasing it with a plop. Again, she arched her back in response, a whimper escaping her parted lips. A small smile crept over his lips.

* * *

" **Stop teasing me!", she whined as he pulled her head down to his. She saw the smile on his lips as he whispered: "I was just going to." Then, his lips were on hers again, kissing her senseless. She almost didn't feel how he pulled her down.**

 **Almost. The heat between her legs had gotten so bad, she basically winded in his arms, trying to find anything to release all the tension. Well, he had taken that in his own hands now. Literally.**

 **Because the next second, there was something nudging at her entrance and she couldn't help put fist her hands into the short blonde spikes, moaning into Steve's mouth. He slowed down, waiting for her to give him the go and kissing her in the meantime.**

 **When she pressed down on him, he let her sink, still holding her close. She felt him inside her and she gasped when it came to a sudden halt. "You okay, Buck?", Steve whispered into her ear, not even trying to conceal the worry in his voice. She bit down on his shoulder and nodded. "Are you sure about this?" Bucky responded with a low growl and he slowly pushed in further.**

 **A ripping pain made her yelp a little, muffled by his shoulder and he stopped again. "Buck... we don't have to if it's too much", he was clearly concerned about her well-being and had it been a different situation, she would have been grateful for it.**

 **Right now, she wasn't. She let her jaw loosen from his shoulder and looked Steve in the eyes. "My.. mom told me about it.. that the first time for girls is.. always a little painful", she took a deep breath and he seemed to understand. "So..", he left his question unspoken, but both of them knew what he had wanted to ask**

 **'Do you want me to continue?'**

 **She didn't respond to the unsaid words, just nudged down a little more. And then his lips were back on hers, kissing her slowly and passionately, proving to be a great distraction. She felt the tension in her muscles loosen as his erection moved past the barricade her mom had told her about.**

 **And suddenly he stopped entirely. "What..", she didn't even get to ask as she saw a small red stream in the water. "Buck, are you okay? I hurt you, didn't I?", he was panicking now, trying to pull out of her to check if she was okay.**

" **Calm down, Stevie. That's perfectly normal", she nudged his arm a little, encouraging him to continue. He looked up at her, not completely convinced and still hesitating. Bucky rolled her eyes and reduced the pressure required to hold her up on his hips. She slid down on him and felt her womanhood widen around him.**

 **She stopped to catch her breath and finally the blonde seemed convinced too. Or was just too deep in pleasure to remember anything. She didn't care much herself. Feeling his erection inside her almost made her cry. She had wanted to be with him for so long, wanted him to want her as well, that she was just happy her dream came true.**

 **They stilled completely for a moment, catching their breaths and Bucky adjusting to Steve's size, exchanging hot kisses and "I love you"s. The blonde looked into her eyes again and when he was sure that she was ready, he lifted her back up. She was about to start complaining, as he pulled her back onto his erection and her pleasure-filled moans and gasps filled the air.**

 **Steve sucked a nipple into his mouth and nibbled on it, making her back arch and her eyes shot open.**

* * *

Bucky's heavy panting filled his head and her gasps and moans resounded in his ears. When he pulled a nipple into his mouth, she mewled and it made him twitch inside her. He pushed her back up and when he pulled her down again, she rolled her hips in time with his thrust. A low groan escaped his mouth and his eyes fell shut.

They took their time, moving slowly at first. Soon it became faster, as Bucky pleaded him to go harder. And he did as she wanted, going faster and faster, until the water was splashing around them.

He felt the muscles around his erection tighten and in combination to that, her hands clawing down in his skin. "I-I'm going-", she broke off as he kissed her hard. Her walls tightened around him even more and soon, she cried out in pleasure, calling :" Stevie!" and arching her back. He pushed in again, once, twice and came with a low groan, as her walls clamped onto him too tight. "Buck", was all he could choke out while his vision went white.

They barely made it to the shore, with Bucky still clinging onto him as if he'd be gone the instant she let go. Steve stumbled out of the water, his knees weak from his orgasm from before. He laid her down in the grass and cuddled up beside her.

Bucky raised her flesh arm and cupped his cheek. Her eyes were filled with love and Steve bet he didn't look any better, as his arm curled around her waist. They kissed again, slowly this time.

"I love you, Buck."

"I love you, too, Stevie."

And with that they fell asleep in each others arms.


	20. Chapter 19

Steve woke up to the chirping of birds and the sound of splashing water. He rose slowly from the grass and looked around. At first, he had problems piecing together where he was and what had happened the previous night.

When his eyes caught sight of Bucky, who used the waterfall as a shower, everything came back with a huge bang and a big blush on his face. She was so beautiful, now that he really got to worship it in broad daylight. Her brown hair reflected the sun and revealed the slight red tone to the strains. Her whole skin was slightly tanned and the bronze tone to it made her even more mesmerizing.

She turned around to face him and shot him her all-time-present lopsided grin. "You're finally up, capsicle. Why don't you take a shower, too?", she asked and laughed at his expression. He shot right back: "Thought, we went past the weird nicknames yesterday night, Snowflake." She laughed whole-heartedly and he got up to join her.

Like the night, they stood there kissing for a long time, just enjoying the time together. Until Steve remembered something else.

"Oh god, Tony's gonna kill me", he groaned and she gave him a puzzled look. "Why's that? Did you do something to upset the Cola Can?" the blonde couldn't help but chuckle a bit at the still funny nickname, but he turned serious in an instant. "No, I didn't. They sent me out to go searching for you, because apparently you had been gone for nearly 5 hours when I finally worked up the courage to get out of the hut", he replied.

The look that crossed her face had him laughing so hard, he was gasping for air. She looked so completely dreading and displeased that her nose was scrunching. Steve couldn't stop laughing and every time he thought he was fine, he looked in her face and started all over again. She jabbed his arm and grumbled something like: "Keep laughing as long as you can" but he didn't really catch it over his hysterical laughter.

"Well, if you were searching for me, they will be searching for us now. We've been gone pretty much half the day and an entire night by now", she snapped and strut to the shore. He finally got himself back under control and followed her, though he was still chuckling a bit.

When Steve got to stand behind Bucky, he wrapped his arms around her body and put his head on top of hers, saying: "Yeah, I know. But I think it was worth it." She pushed his arms away and he was afraid, he had done something wrong. Until she just spun around and laid her arms around his neck, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. "Yes, it was. I hope I get to wake up to you more often from now on", she flashed him her lopsided grin again and he didn't miss the spark of mischief glimmering in her eyes.

Well, two could play this game and so he just gave her his own grin, asking: "So, you like what you saw when you woke up?" A slight blush crept over her cheeks but the smile stayed and she tilted her head. "Yes, very much so. Waking up to you, snoring like you're just bringing down an entire forest is definitely the best thing that's happened to me all day", and now it was her time to break out into furious laughter as Steve just stood there completely dumbfounded.

"Say that again, jerk!" "I said you're snoring louder than Tony, punk!"

They chased each other across the clearing, laughing and bickering in kind. After a few minutes, they gathered their belongings (even though it wasn't much) and dressed. Steve tried not to mourn the loss of her naked frame, but for god's sake, he was just a man in love after all.

The way back took them some time. For starters, they didn't even know where they had come from and then they stopped along the way to marvel at the beauty of the flora around them or kiss. When they finally came out to the camp, they were laughing again, having found a flower that resembled the helmet of Tony's suit.

And were met with 13 pairs of very angry eyes. They immediately stopped laughing and Steve cringed. He felt like back in Brooklyn when they had gotten into a fight and got scolded from their Ma's again. Bucky didn't seem to be better, even when she wore her best smile. The one that got her in and outta trouble simultaneously.

"You were gone for half a day and an entire night! And you come back here, laughing your pretty asses off, while we worry that you might've got eaten or poisoned?! I can't believe you two!", Pepper was so angry, even Tony didn't get near her.

She scolded them for almost two hours straight and made them apologize to everyone on the team. After Steve had made his round and apologized to every single of his comrades, he sighed and sank down on a beach chair. Bucky was still away and he felt like there was something missing.

* * *

 **She sighed. She hadn't thought about the others until Steve had reminded her. She had almost reckoned for Winter and Barnes to chide her alongside the blonde haired woman named Pepper, but they hadn't said a single word since the previous night.**

 **Even as she called out to them, there was nothing. She heard something rustle behind her and spun around. At least her reflexes and senses were still there.**

 **Natasha walked out in between a few bushes and looked at the brunette. She had the same mischief in her eyes from the day they arrived on the island and Tony told Steve and Bucky to share a hut. She strode to the brunettes side and they walked along the shore in silence. The redhead wore a guarded expression and Bucky had serious problems reading her.**

 **Eventually, she gave in and asked in Russian: "Okay, Nat, what do you want to know?" the woman beside her lightened up and turned to her with a sweet smile on her lips. "All the dirty deeds, Barnes. Tell me everything? Why were you gone so long?" Bucky groaned embarrassed and sighted.**

" **So, I went searching for Steve, right? And I found this beautiful clearing somewhere along the way. It was really awesome, there was a small lake and a waterfall and the water was really warm. So I decided to take a dip to calm my nerves. I kinda forgot time... and Steve found me there", she explained.**

 **Natasha wiggled her brows and said: "That wasn't all, was it?" Bucky flushed bright red and the other woman laughed a little, before turning to face her again and waiting for the really juicy details.**

" **N-no.. uh.. I ehm.. I shed my swimsuit when I went into the water...", she stuttered and grew even redder than before. "So he saw you naked?", Natasha squealed like only a fangirl could as the brunette nodded. "Wait, don't tell me. Did you have se-" "NAT!" Bucky interrupted her embarrassed and got only a knowing smile in return.**

" **You did", the redhead stated and the other couldn't deny facts, so she kept quiet. Natasha continued her interrogation and in the end, Bucky told her everything. At some point, she just dropped the embarrassment and started swooning over how muscular Steve was and how beautiful and loving and caring.**

 **By the time they got back to the team, they where talking fast in Russian. Nat made her tell the whole story again and since they were so occupied with themselves, they didn't notice Steve walking up to them. And blushing bright red as he heard what exactly they where talking about.**

* * *

Steve saw the girls before the others and planned on scaring Bucky a little. Just for fun. But as he walked up to them, he heard what they were talking about. And suddenly he hate-loved that by now he understood most of the conversation, even though they were talking in Russian.

Natasha had given him a crash-course before they left for their holiday and now he couldn't help but feel the heat creeping over his face and down his chest. Sure, it was nice to hear what Bucky was saying and understand it and he was really happy to hear her say that she loved him and everything. But he would have never thought that she'd give Nat all the dirty details. Or at least most of them.

Well, she did keep the most embarrassing things to herself, thank goodness. But hearing her chuckle over his small escapade with not knowing how a woman's body worked was still awkward.

The day went about as normal as it can get with a team consisting of two supersoldiers, a god, a superhuman spiderboy (who kept crawling up to ceilings and trees to scare them), a mechanical being with an own mind, a witch, a boy with superspeed, a man who could turn green any second and a bunch of humans. They had fun, Steve mostly wrestling with Sam in the water to test who was stronger (Steve won) and Bucky talking with Nat in superfast Russian.

Wanda and Pietro understood it as well and would turn red occasionally or throw own comments into the conversation. When noon turned to evening and the sun dragged low, Bucky, Natasha, Wanda, Pietro and Vision had re-ignited the fireplace and made dinner. Again, they sat together, telling stories and laughing. When the moon came up, the girls cuddled up to their respective men (Wanda tried to stay with both Pietro and Vision until her brother shoved her into the red mans lap) and blankets were wrapped around them.

Bucky cuddled especially close to Steve and shifted on his legs until her head could rest comfortably against his chest with his own head on top of hers. He wrapped his arms around her waist and and intertwined their fingers for all to see. Nat shot them a knowing glance and both Wanda and Pietro seemed pretty unfazed by it, but the rest oft the team was in complete confusion.

"Say, when did you two get so comfortable around each other?", Jane seemed a bit awkward about asking them, but suddenly the conversations stopped and everyone was looking at them. Steve grew bright red within seconds and he could feel Bucky's full-body eye-roll, before she turned up and kissed him. He heard someone gasp but he just returned the kiss. The clicking of a phone taking pictures and a squealing Natasha and Tony were a little distracting.

Also, the blonde could feel his arousal and he really didn't want _that_ showing to everyone right now. They parted and Bucky smiled at him so sweet, he wanted to dive right back in. but she turned to the others, shooting them their widest grin ever and simply said: "Since last night."

And then, everyone was up and running. Bucky got pulled out of his lap and Thor swung her around like a little flag while roaring congrats to them. Nat and Tony seemed pretty satisfied with themselves and high fived.  
Steve had to go through Sam, Vision, Pietro, Tony, Rhodey, Clint, Bruce,Thor and the lately arrived Fury. Natasha jumped into his arms to congratulate him and Jane and Pepper just hugged him. Bucky seemed to be surprised by all that commotion.

When Steve asked her, she said: "I would have never thought, they'd actually be happy for us. I mean, after what happened back in D.C. ..." The blonde simply pressed his lips to hers, drawing a collective "Awwww" from his team. Once it all calmed down, they resumed to sitting around the campfire and started singing together or tell ghost stories.

Steve was still not very good with the latter and they made a huge effort of who could scare him the most. Bucky won, of course, because she was close enough to actually shake him. She really contributed to everyone's general amusement and almost doubled their laughter, when she scared Steve, who yelped which in return startled Peter, who nearly ran away screaming.

Both were absolutely not amused and sat there sulking, until one of Natasha's stories scared Tony so bad, he accidentally fired his palm rockets into the night sky. From there on out, they tried to scare each other enough to embarrass someone.

Thor, who had momentarily vanished after he had congratulated Steve and Bucky, came back and brought some very old looking bottles with him. He handed one of them to the blonde, another to the brunette and grabbed one for himself. To the question as to what this stuff was, he replied: "This is asgardian Alcohol. Strong enough to get even a god drunk. And since I know that you two are not getting drunk from the pity stuff from Midgard, I thought I'd let you have something good. To celebrate you know?"

Steve uncorked the bottles and both he and Bucky took a deep sip. Only to start coughing simultaneously. The asgardian stuff was really strong and for the first time since the serum, the blonde actually felt tipsy. "This is good! I can't remember the last time I got properly drunk anymore, so this is very welcome! Thank you, Thor", Bucky swung the bottle up in the air.

Within a very short time, everyone except for Peter ("I'm not a child, please let me have some too" - "No, you're still not old enough to drink!") had alcoholic beverages. Thor, Bucky and Steve were the only ones laying fingers on the asgardian stuff ( "Last time I had some of that, I nearly died. No thanks" Tony) while everyone else had whiskey or cream liquor. The mood got lighter the more alcohol ran down their throats and they laughed a lot. Mostly about stories of pre-serum Steve who got drunk and Bucky had to come to his rescue (Again).

Somehow, Bucky and Nat started a drinking contest. The two woman were each equally determined to win and in the end, Bucky was clearly first place. "Sssat was an eassy winn", the brunette slurred heavily now and Steve considered taking away the alcohol before it got too much, but he knew Bucky.

Once she started drinking, she wouldn't stop, even if someone took her beverage. She'd just find something else and by the amount of bottles Thor had brought with him, that wouldn't be hard.

The brunette plopped down onto Steve's lap and cuddled up to him. They sat there for a while longer, while Clint had to take care of a completely drunken Natasha. Slowly, the group thinned out and in the end it was just Bucky and Steve staring into the dancing flames. She fell asleep not too long after and he only waited until the flames had no chance of burning something before he scooped her up in his arms.

"I can ssstill waaaalk", she mumbled and looked so determined with it that he chuckled. "I like to carry you, baydoll, don't worry", he carried her back to their hut and cuddled them up into the bed.

Steve whispered a last kiss to Bucky's forehead and fell asleep not long after.


	21. Chapter 20

**Bucky woke up the next morning and had a major hungover. The asgardian stuff sure packed a punch and since she wasn't able to get drunk off of the normal stuff, she almost forgot what was waiting for her after getting that wasted.**

 **Grumbling, the brunette got out of bed and immediately regretted standing up at all. Her circulation was completely off and everything was swirling around her. She felt her stomach turn and bolted for the toilette.**

" **Buck, you okay?", Steve was standing in the door and rubbed his eyes. She opened her mouth to reply, but all that came out was more of the asgardian alcohol. She clung to the toilette as if it was her last resort and the sensors of her metal prosthetic told her that she'd break the porcelain if she held onto it any more powerful.**

 **Steve was beside her in seconds, rubbing gentle circles on her back and holding her hair. "Bit much, hu?" Bucky didn't miss the slight chuckle that came along and in between she shot him a serious death glare. Again, he couldn't help the chuckle but he was seriously concerned about her.**

 **When she had finally rid herself of what was left of the alcohol, she got up and slowly made for the sink. She washed out the last bit of the taste and scrubbed her teeth extra long this time. The blonde stayed by her side the whole time and only went away to grab her a glass of lukewarm water.**

 **She knew that he had put salt into it and she remembered how awful that tasted. Still, she took the water and washed it down in one gulp. She forced her body to keep it inside and after another glass, she was almost back to normal.**

 **They got dressed (Bucky decided to go for a light summer dress Natasha had bought with her, while Steve just took a light white shirt and shorts) and made their way to the fireplace. Sam was already awake and bickering with Rhodey over what to make for breakfast.**

 **Sam looked over to them when he heard the two supersoldiers approaching and held out two mugs. Taking the pointer, Bucky took them and filled them with hot, steaming coffee. She also (like always) put the sugar and milk in Steve's coffee and handed it to him.**

 **Steve looked pretty unimpressed as he looked at the mug. "Why do you do this, Stark? Every single item I own, including boxer briefs, it just has to be the American flag or some merchandise with my face on it. WHY?", the blonde ruffled his hair and took the mug with a groan.**

 **Bucky gave him her all-time-present lopsided grin and chuckled to herself. She decided to have a little fun and so she set down her own mug (Which had the red star on one side, because it was basically her symbol) gave Steve a peck on the cheek and walked down back to their hut.**

 **She walked inside and went through the clothes she had packed. She finally found the items she was looking for and put them on. She couldn't help but laugh when she looked in the mirror. It was absolutely ridiculous and suddenly, she liked Howard's son for picking these clothes for her.**

 **The brunette twirled once and walked back to the fire. As if nothing happened, she grabbed her mug and slowly drank her coffee. When Steve noticed her, it took a moment for him to realize what she was wearing.**

 **It was a white shirt that was a little too large for her rather small frame. On the front was Steve's face as Captain America and on the back the quote "Captain America 4 ever!" printed. The shorts she was wearing looked like the American flag and fit so perfect with the shirt, she loved it.**

 **Steve's eyes basically swelled out of his head and he got so red that he resembled a tomato more than the guy on her shirt. Sam, Rhodey and Bucky laughed their asses off as the blonde stood there shouting: "TONY STARK" from the top of his lungs.**

 **Said walked up to them with his I-did-nothing-wrong-face and greeted the others: "Morning Birdie, Trash Can, Snowflake." He earned a collective "Morning, Cola Can" from the three and twisted his face a bit. Stark junior turned to face Steve and just said: "What's wrong, Capsicle? Come on I don't have all day."**

 **Said growled and pointed at Bucky without saying anything. "Hm? Snowflake broke something? Not nice, you should keep your girls back, dude." Still, Tony acted as if nothing happened and the others (After being woken up by Steve's rather loud voice) gathered around them. Once they realized what was going on, the whole team was either rolling around in the sand laughing or standing by the sidelines and chuckling (Fury mostly, he's just not the type to roll from laughing).**

 **Meanwhile, Steve and Tony stared each other down, the blonde still red, the dark haired with an innocent grin. "You just had to go and give her this ridiculous outfit, did you?", the supersoldier growled almost soundless and his eyes turned into very narrow slits of anger. The billionaire was absolutely not impressed and crossed his arms over his chest, replying: "She wanted to have it. How could I deny a woman what she wants?"**

 **Steve's head wiped around to Bucky extremely fast and his eyes narrowed even more. "I love you. And this way, I'll have you with me all the time", she cooed and wrapped her arms around herself, hugging her own body. Steve walked up to her and grabbed the hem of the shirt. "Take it off." His voice was absolute void of any emotion and he pulled the shirt over her head.**

 **Only to be greeted with a bikini with red and white stripes on one cup, blue with white stars on the other. His eyes popped out of his head and the rest of the team fell back into laughing so damn hard, some of them where just wiggling around and clapping their hands like retarded seals.**

" **What is that, Barnes", Steve growled and Bucky didn't miss his searing anger. There was something else underneath it and an idea grew in her head. "I just love you too much, Stevie. I need you with me all the time", she purred and wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing her body very close to his.**

 **And there it was. She felt his erection press against her hipbone and an evil smirk crossed her face. Steve grew beet red, not with anger but embarrassment this time and wrapped his arms around her. He pulled her even closer to him and curled his lips into a growl. "You know, you'll have to take responsibility for this, don't you, Sargent?" A shudder ran down her spine as she picked up the tune in his voice. "I'd love to, Captain", she whispered back.**

* * *

"Get a goddamn room, you two lovebirds! There are children present!", Tony interrupted and they parted. Steve was pretty glad that the shirt he decided to wear was long enough to hide the obvious tent in his pants.

Never in his whole life (and technically he was very, _very_ old) had he thought that Bucky would actually do something like what she had just now. Not, that it looked bad. But it did funny things to him, seeing her pick up the shirt and pulling it back over her head.

"Alright, breakfast is ready guys!" Like the days before, they sat around the wooden table (obviously built for a large number of people) but there were some differences to the first day. For starters, Bucky in Steve's lab had become a standard and nobody cared about it anymore. Natasha in Clint's and Wanda in Vision's lab was a new development as well as the obvious glances Sam and Rhodey exchanged.

They had turned into a gigantic happy family over the course of a few days. He talked to Bucky about it and she laughed so hard, that the others picked it up. Soon, they were giving roles to everyone and a lot of laughing and bickering was ensured. Some roles were clear from the start, such as Fury being the grumpy grandpa or Pepper being the mother hen.

Others were not that clear. Natasha was sure, that Steve would be the father, while Sam pointed out that it should be Tony because he and Pepper were a couple. It went like this on back and forth and in the end, Tony got to be the dad.

"Papa, I wanna play!", Bucky picked up very fast and so did the others after her example. For the rest of the day, they went to Tony with every problem they had, may it be big or small. In the end, Pepper was always there to his rescue and it ensured a lot of laughter.

"It's kinda like, Cola Can's the overwhelmed father and Mama Pepper is always there to help him with his kids", Wanda said and gained a lot of approval from the others. Fury actually started reading stories in the evening when they spent their time around the campfire, like they did the last few days. Steve was happy. Bucky was there with him, he had her all to his own, the team grew closer each day and it was so perfectly peaceful.

There was a small thought in the back of his head, but he quickly pushed it aside, not wanting to ruin their vacation. When he and Bucky went to bed that night, she looked up to the ceiling and sighed. "What's wrong, babe?", the blonde propped his head on his arm and looked over to his girlfriend. "It's... everything is so perfect and relaxed. And I can't help but think that the next disaster is just waiting to come around the corner and destroy that again. I don't want that", she replied and cuddled up to his chest. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her.

"And if there is a disaster waiting for us, we will face it together with the others and come out on top. Like we always did. You don't have to worry so much, darling. We always made it somehow, remember?", Steve reminded her and gained a snort as response.

"Always, hu...", she had this look on her face that he dreaded so much. "Don't think about that, I told you I'm sorry! I broke when you fell and-", she interrupted him. "Yeah, I know. I read the article in the Smithsonian. And there I was thinking that you have at least so much brain to survive. And after coming back to my own senses, I learn that this was all for nothing. I told you, you shouldn't do anything stupid until I come back. Don't even try to get out of this. Nat and Sam told me about you jumping out of planes without a parachute", she was mad and he knew it.

"I'm sorry, okay? I'll take better care from now on." "Yeah, you should, Rogers. Else I'll have to safe your pretty little butt again. And how would that look, America's great hero saved by an ex-villain", Bucky chuckled in response.

Steve grinned and started tickling her. She laughed and tried to shove him off but it was no use. She opted for tickling him in return and their laughter filled the hut. After Steve finally gave up ("Okay, you win, I give! Please stop, for fuck's sake, Barnes!") Bucky laid on top of him, her face on his chest and both breathing heavily.

"I love you, Barnes" "Hm, I love you too, Rogers"

They kissed and cuddled and somehow fell asleep some time.

The vacation week was over way to soon for all of the Avengers, but they had to go back. On the way home, Steve started arguing with Peter all over again, this time about where they should go next for another vacation. Steve wanted somewhere warm again, because since he spent 70+ years frozen in ice, he dreaded cold a lot.

Peter wanted somewhere cold, like the Alps, because it would be a nice change and they had been in a very hot climate all week.

When Bucky walked past them, Steve grabbed her arm and asked her where she would like to go. She shot him her lopsided grin and replied with: "The Alps sound fun. Would be a nice change to the warm climates." Steve growled that she should have his back for once and she laughed and flipped him off. Oh, how he would make her pay once they where home.

* * *

 **After the 5 hour flight home, Bucky was tired as hell. Equal to the rest of the Avengers. All they wanted was to get off the plane, make it to the limousine and back home to fall in their respective beds.**

 **Sadly, it wasn't that easy. News and papers had caught wind that they had spent a week away and as such, the airport where the plane landed was packed with people. Steve was the first one to get off, Bucky close after him. She had a lot of memories back, but her uneasiness with big crowds never changed.**

 **They refrained from holding hands or something that would show off their new-found relationship, but oh, how Bucky wished he'd hold her in his big strong arms.**

 **Especially since both Winter and Barnes completely refused talking to her since she told Steve that she loved him.**

" **There are some people out there, not wanting to see our beloved Hero with and ex-villain in his life. Is there something you have to tell those people, Captain Rogers?", it was the reporter from the time they went to the park. Again, her sugar-sweet voice was nothing more than a cover-up for her absolute non-existent kindness.**

 **Steve froze. And suddenly, Bucky felt a wave of fear and panic wash over her. _He doesn't want anyone to know, that he is in love with an ex-villain._ She should have seen it sooner. Should have known, that he'd be embarrassed. Her hands clutched and the longer he remained silent, the more it felt like someone was turning around a knife in her chest.**

 **Bucky turned around and ran. She heard the others calling for her. Steve was loud, he sounded so afraid. _Liar!_ She kept running until she was out of reach. And she ran even further. Until she broke down in tears, crying like a little child. Curling up into a small ball, she cried for what felt like hours, shivering both from the cold outside as well as the cold inside her heart.**

 **When she thought, she was back to herself and could just go on without thinking too hard about it, a flash of white blinded her.**

 **When she opened her eyes again, she froze. Right in front of her was Barnes. Her old self, looking exactly the way she did before she had joined the army.**

 **To Barnes' right, was Winter. A spitting image of herself but with the black make up around her eyes and the coldness inside them.**

 **Around them was nothing. Just black. She took a deep breath.**

" **Where have you been? Missed your annoying voices quite a bit", she said, trying to sound light-hearted as always.**

" **We where always there, Bucky. We just didn't want to interrupt. And now...", Winter broke off and let Barnes take over: "Now, it seems to be time for you to decide."**

" **Decide what? I don't understand...", she trailed off. She understood.**

" **Decide who you want to be", the other two said in unison. Bucky's eyes widened and she loked back and forth between her old self and her even older self.**

" **He doesn't want anyone to know that he...", she couldn't say it. It hurt too much. Suddenly, both Barnes and Winter where right next to her, one on either side and hugging her.**

" **That's not right and you know it. Of course he wants everyone to know. He's just not sure how he should do it. He doesn't want you to be a target of the many woman pinning after him. As much as you never wanted him to be target for the man pinning after you back in the days. After all, that's why we kept our feelings to ourselves for a long time", Barnes reminded her.**

 **Winter on her other side looked up and opened her mouth: "He was the reason why you came back. He was the reason, why you became aware of yourself. We split from you to advice you if you needed it. But we cannot stay. One of us has to go. Or both. That's for you to decide.**

" **Why can't you stay?", Bucky asked, playing dumb. "Because we are keeping you from who you need to be." And then they were back in their starting positions, looking at her expectantly. She could do nothing but look back and forth between them, not wanting either one to leave.**

" **You have to decide your own fate. We cannot help you anymore", they said in union and Bucky felt tears prick in her eyes. "I don't.. I can't be the person I was before the war. It's impossible. But I can't be the winter soldier again, I don't want to kill innocent people anymore", she was crying again. Both others looked at themselves and then to the woman crying.**

" **We understand. Just... don't try to run anymore. You are who you want to be and I bet you don't want to be a chicken", Barnes was the first to vanish after she had said that.**

" **Don't run away. He doesn't want to hurt you, he wants you to be safe. Be strong and stand your ground", Winter vanished with a pat on Bucky's shoulder.**

 **Then she was alone. Back on the street, crying again. Rain started to fall as if the sky wanted to show it's sympathetic side. She curled up even further, not caring that her clothes were soaked through in no time or about the cold that bit her skin.**

 **She didn't know when or how, but somehow she slipped out of consciousness. Her last clear thought was, what Steve would do if he found there on the ground, frozen to death. He would do some stupid shit, that was sure. Then, she closed her eyes and let darkness envelope her.**


	22. Chapter 21

Steve was running through the streets of New York like an idiot for hours. Some time after Bucky left, it started to rain and that further fuelled Steve's fear. The worst of pictures popped up in his mind.

Bucky, laying somewhere in the streets, beaten to a pulp and slowly freezing to death. Bucky, being found by some pigs and getting raped because she had no power left.

He wandered the streets, looking in every dark alleyway, each place he could think of. The others joined in on his search and they kept in touch over their small mics.

When Steve rounded a corner, almost loosing hope to ever find his love, he heard a sound that attracted his attention. He turned to look at what made the sound and his eyes widened in shock. A little golden retriever pup, cuddling up to a lump of something. He inched closer and saw, that the puppy tried to keep a body warm.

The small creature noticed his presence, jumped up and growled with all the fierce such an adorable thing can have. Steve noticed, that the pup kept it's front left leg in the air and moving even closer, he saw why. The paw was completely crumbled up, probably broken and healed wrong. His eyes landed on the lump in the back as it started to move.

He walked past the dog and it seemed to realize that he wanted to help. Turning the lump around, he froze for the third time this day. It was Bucky. Completely soaked wet with blue lips and pale skin. Her body temperature was really low and her heartbeat shallow. Picking her up, he whispered "Dumb girl. Don't just run away" and then, a bit louder: "I found her."

He made his exit to walk back to the tower and the pup followed him. Steve turned his head and looked at the big blue eyes. "Alright, Buddy. You wanna stay with her, don't you?" The pup tilted it's head and followed Steve. He walked slow, so it was able to keep up.

When they finally arrived at the tower, Bruce had already set up the sickbay to take care of Bucky. At the questions, why Steve brought a puppy with him, he just said that it didn't want to leave, so Bruce took the little guy with him and took care of it.

"She is completely cold and is probably going to get sick. But aside from that, she seems to be fine. Regarding the pup... I will have to take off it's leg. I can't do anything about it, but Tony offered to make a prosthetic for it", Bruce informed him after he ran all the tests. Steve looked at him and an idea popped up in his mind.

"Tony? Can you make the dog's prosthetic the way Bucky's is?", the young man nodded and went off to work on the blondes request. It took hours for Bucky to finally wake up and the other supersoldier never left her side. When she opened her eyes and looked at him, he was so glad, he fell to his knees on the side of the bed and cried. "Steve... you... I'm sorry...", she coughed out and he simply took her hand in his.

"I should be the one to say I'm sorry. I should have told them from the start", he replied and dried off both of their tears.

The following days mostly consisted of sleeping beside Bucky in the sickbay (Steve wasn't ready to leave her side) or going to see how far Tony was with the dog's prosthetic. They found out that the little guy was in fact male and when Steve got asked how he wanted to name it, he said: "I like James." And so the dog was named James. It wouldn't leave their sides either and Bucky laughed, when Steve told her the name.

"So, he's named after me? That's kinda cute", was her reply, before she broke out into another set of coughing. She had severe pneumonia (something they both wouldn't have thought she could get) and was bed-bound for almost an entire week.

When Bruce finally let her go, she moved back into her old room. Reluctant but she did.

After watching her for a few hours, Steve asked her if she wanted to sleep in his bedroom and she gladly accepted. James was wagging his tail in anticipation and Bucky laughed, moving his dog bed to the bedroom as well. The little guy was so happy to be back on his four paws and the whole team loved him.

Tony made an exact replica of Bucky's own arm for the dog and soon after, there were pictures of the two posing all over the teams Instagram accounts. Tony actually touched some of them up and the internet went crazy for Jamie and James, partners in crime.

Weeks went by and everything went back to normal. Small exceptions like James, the relationship between Steve and Bucky or Natasha and Clint were minor things to change. They fought together as normal, spent time as a team apart from the public eye and when they actually ran into a group of reporters, Steve was always the first to say that he didn't care what the world thought, he loved Bucky and that's how it was.

The reporter who had been so mean was sued and lost both her job and reputation. She had tried to get back at them but after all the Avengers stood up for their new member, she was silenced pretty fast.

* * *

 **Bucky was happy. She had Steve (and all the world knew it) she had their dog James and a full set of friends. But something was off. Recently, she woke up in the morning and had to bolt for the bathroom to throw up. She had fought with sudden mood changes and sudden hunger. She ate about double the amount from before the vacation and food she had liked before were suddenly off the list. Instead she had some weird cravings like pickles, which she didn't like before. Or nutella. Combined with pickles. Tasted pretty good to her, but Steve would scrunch his nose every time.**

 **She ate tons of ice cream and other sweets but avoided the ones she liked before. Eventually, she had enough of that and went to Natasha for help.**

 **The redhead listened to her explanations and with every sentence, her face twisted more. "I suggest you go to see Bruce to be sure, but...", Natasha scanned Bucky and her gaze practically glued itself to her belly. Bucky cringed. She had put on some weight over the past month and she had done much to loose it. It had had the opposite effect, much to her displeasure.**

" **Bruce. Now." Natasha grabbed her wrist and basically pulled her down to the scientists floor.**

" **BRUCE BANNER!", her voice was so loud that Bucky hissed of the pain in her ears. The small man carefully looked around the corner and winced. "Okay, what did Hulk break this time? I'm sorry, I didn't-", his rant was cut of by the redhead as she pointed to Bucky. Or rather to the brunette's belly.**

 **Bruce immediately seemed to understand and asked a few questions. Not knowing what was going on, Bucky fidgeted around while answering and shot Nat nervous glances. She basically told Bruce exactly what she had told her Russian friend before and he had exactly the same reaction.**

 **Ticking off a few boxes on a sheet of paper Bucky couldn't read, he pushed her down on a examination table and despite Bucky hating these things, she let it happen. Somehow, she was glad, that Steve was gone on a mission at the time – seeing this would have set him off completely.**

 **The small man covered her belly in some cold gel and pulled up a monitor. Attached to it was a small device that looked like a big pen without a tip. He turned the monitor so she couldn't see it and placed the pen-thingy on the spot were the gel was. His face twisted and when Natasha looked over his shoulder, she did the same.**

" **W-what's going on?", Bucky was almost afraid to ask, but she had to know. It was her body, right? The red haired woman and the man exchanged a weird glance and looked over to Bucky at the same time. What came next completely turned the brunettes world upside down.**

" **You're pregnant."**

 **At first, she didn't understand a word. Her brain seemed to take a long time to process what she just heard and for the moment, she remained silent, simply looking at the two completely void of any emotions.**

 **When it finally dawned to her, she broke out in tears. Natasha was at her side in seconds, hugging her tight and rubbing her back. Bucky felt so much at that moment. Fear, joy, panic and happiness. It took her a while to calm down and when she did, she thanked Bruce for telling her.**

" **Should we call Steve?", the man asked, carefully testing the waters. Bucky shook her head and replied: "No, I want to tell him myself." Natasha threw her a glance she couldn't read and suddenly burst out: "You're gonna keep it?"**

 **It had never dawned to Bucky to NOT keep the child. "Of course! I know a lot has changed, but I want to keep it! Especially because it's Steve's!" The redhead immediately hugged her again and said: "I just wanted to know. Fussing's not good for you. And... are you sure it's Steve's?"**

 **The brunette looked at her friend as if the other woman was completely out of place. "He's the only one I ha-", she broke off and turned red. Apparently that was all the confirmation Natasha needed. The next hour was spent with teaching Bucky how to take proper care of herself and the child.**

" **So, no smoking, no caffeine and no fighting?", she summed it up and the other two nodded. "That's gonna be hard..." "You've been smoking all your life, right? Bucky nodded. "Well, I'm sorry to break it to you, but that's how it's going to be." "I can do this. Been through worse", she sighed and got up.**

 **When she came back on the floor, she shared with Steve, James was there waiting for her. She decided to take a nap on the couch and as soon as she laid down, the dog was there right beside her. She realized that he had been guarding her the past few weeks. "You know it, don't you, pal?", she turned to the side and fondled behind his ear.**

 **James just placed his snout carefully on her belly and looked up with his big puppy eyes as if he wanted to say: "You took pretty long to realize it, mama."**

 **she turned on the TV but was way too tired to focus and dozed off in no time.**

* * *

When Steve came back, he was greeted by Natasha looking at him with a weird sparkle in her eyes. He shrugged it off as the redhead being herself and made his way to the floor he called home. A smile spread his face as he thought about seeing Bucky again.

When he got off the elevator, he saw that she had fallen asleep on the couch. Yet again. She did that pretty often lately, along with her weird mood swings, the craving for food and combining nutella with pickles of all things.

He walked up to the couch and saw James' head on Bucky's belly. The dog was watching her sleep and when he noticed Steve's presence, he looked over to him as if he wanted to say: "Important thing, papa. Ask her." the blonde chuckled and went to change out of his suit.

When he came back, Bucky was awake and fondling James' ears. "I'm home, babe", Steve whispered and gave her a light kiss. "Hm. And I got something important to tell you. You... might wanna sit down for this one." She sounded nervous and he did as told, sitting down across from her.

"So.. you noticed how I... acted lately?" A nod. "Okay, so... I asked Tasha about it and... she practically pulled me to see Bruce. He ran a few tests and... well I'm..." she paused and fidgeted with her hands. A blush lit up her cheeks and Steve leaned forward. "What's wrong, Buck?" He was about to ask further when she looked up and blurted out: "I'M PREGNANT!"

After that she looked away nervously. Steve sat there, dumbfounded and trying to process the situation.

 _Bucky eating way more than before... Bucky eating weird stuff and food she never liked... Bucky complaining she's putting on weight... Bucky pregnant..._

And suddenly everything made sense. He jumped up, took two long steps across the room and pulled her into his arms. She immediately relaxed against his chest and he could see James from the corner of his eyes, licking his right paw and looking like: "Finally. Took you long enough."

"You... you're not mad?", she was still a bit unsure. Steve pulled Bucky away from his chest to look at her and replied: "Of course not! I wanted children with you since I discovered that I love you and even if this is unexpected and unplanned, I'm so happy! We're gonna be a real family, Buck! You, me and our child!" A bark from the background made them laugh as James strode up and jumped on their legs. "And James of course! How could I forget our best boy!", Steve laughed until tears flowed won his cheeks and Bucky followed suit.

James just looked like he was the happiest doggo on earth and they were sure, he'd make a perfect big brother.


	23. Chapter 22

When Steve woke up the following morning, he felt like all this had been a dream. To beautiful to be true. He had looked back, had realized that he had loved Bucky way before she fell. And by all means, remembering what she had mouthed when she fell, it was easy to tell she had loved him way longer than that as well.

All those memories came flooding back into his mind. All the times they had spent together.

That one February, where they had gone swimming and got nearly all of their clothes stolen, aside from the ones they had been wearing.

The time when he fell ill once more, her choked sobs and cries and pleas for him not to die after the priest had already come in.

The warmth radiating from her whenever she would cuddle up close to him to keep him warm during the winters.

And most of all, her voice. So calm, so loving and how she had been a constant presence in his life all along. She was something he could rely on, an everlasting presence like his own heartbeat.

Steve felt something move beside him and turned to face Bucky. She must have been soundly asleep until seconds ago, because she was still rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. Her dreamy smile turned into a concerned frown within seconds and he had no idea why.

"Stevie, are you okay? Why are you crying?", she jumped closer to him, wrapping her flesh arm tightly around his shoulders. He leaned against her chest, hearing the heartbeat there and fisted his hands into her shirt. He was shaking from his sobbing and he was sure he made a wet spot above her heart. She didn't seem to care at all.

Finally, she moved again, slowly and carefully wrapping her metal arm around his shoulders as well. It was warm and Steve didn't even flinch at the contact, just glad she really was there. He clung to her for dear life and it must have been hours until his tears finally subsided. And even then, she didn't let go.

They sat there, hanging onto each other and basking the warmth the other emitted. Bucky didn't move a single muscle and when Steve tried to move away, she pulled him closer, making him listen to her heartbeat again.

"Wanna tell me what's wrong?", she asked with that soothing tone to her voice and lifted a hand to stroke his hair. Steve shifted to lift his head so he could face her. Her eyes were just as red as his must be and without really thinking he pressed his lips to hers in a desperate attempt to make all those insecurities go away.

They wrapped themselves in the blankets and cuddled up again. Steve was careful not to get too close to Bucky's belly and she chuckled at his efforts. "Are you scared?" He looked up and met her stormy-grey eyes. "Yes... I don't want to hurt you...", he replied and she took his hand.

Bucky guided his big warm hand down to her belly and placed it on top of where the child was supposed to be. Steve let out a breath he didn't even knew he was holding when his warm hand touched her exposed skin. "Y'know, you're supposed to do this once in a while. It's so that the baby can learn that you are it's Papa", her voice was so soothing and calm and he found himself relaxing at the soft tune of it.

They laid there in contend silence for what felt like an eternity, cuddling with each other. Somewhere along the way, Steve started to hum a melody he had had in his head for quite some time now. Bucky tuned in after a few minutes, seemingly recognising what song it was.

James came in at some point, cuddling up to her back and placing his big puppy head on her side. Steve was really happy, this was what he had dreamed of for so long. Sure, they didn't have their own home. But Bucky was there, she was pregnant with his child and they had their cute doggo James.

Steve must have fallen asleep at some point, because when he opened his eyes, Bucky was gone. James was still there, huffing out breaths in his sleep and he heard the clinking of metal against metal from the kitchen.

Groggily rubbing his eyes, he carefully got up as not to wake the dog and made a beeline for the kitchen. There she was, preparing breakfast and humming that same tune from before. A loving smile adorned her face and while she set up the table, he realized their was only his own mug filled with coffee.

The one with the red star on one side was filled with tea. Just when he approached the love of his life, he heard the elevator ding. "Morning guys! Brought the dog food you asked for. As well as these here", it was Sam. He wasn't used to people getting his stuff, so he more than once just ventured out on his own.

Carrying a huge bag of dog food with him, he set it down in the corner of the kitchen and handed Bucky something small. "Morning Sam and thanks", she smiled and whistled for James. The golden retriever was up and about in mere seconds, wagging his tail and greeting Sam in jumping up on him.

"Good morning, James! I see, you're all up and running already boy", Sam laughed and petted the dog's head before it turned to it's owner and sat down. Still wagging his tail, he patiently waited for Bucky to get down to him and put the small red white and blue striped collar around his neck.

"What, they're making pet supplies in those colours now?", Steve tried to sound unimpressed but he couldn't help the small chuckle at the end. Bucky threw him her lopsided grin and replied: "Babe, they're making basically everything with these colours. You're greatly loved and merchandise with your face our at least the logo sells like corn dogs on Coney Island."

The blondes eyes nearly popped out of his head and a faint blush crept along his cheeks. Sam laughed and Bucky simply handed him the coffee mug with his logo on it. They sat and had breakfast together, chatting and laughing time away until JARVIS' voice informed them, that Steve and Sam where to be present in the debriefeing room in half and hour.

"What about Bucky? I don't want to leave her behind again", Steve was determined to stay for a little longer, making sure his love didn't pull anything funny while she was pregnant. "Mister Stark said, that she is to be kept away from the debriefing room at any cost. Miss Potts is on her way down, so Sargent won't be alone", the A.I. answered and Bucky crinkled her nose.

"What, don't like me?", Pepper laughed as she entered the kitchen and the brown haired woman shook her head. "It's not that I don't like you, Pep and you know it. Just... Cola Can's pretty specific about me not being anywhere close to the debriefing room and he even sent you here to keep me in check. I'm a little worried what this fuss's all about."

Pepper laughed and pat Bucky's shoulder lightly. "Don't worry, you won't have to be without loverboy here for long", she said and gestured towards Steve, who turned red and mumbled something like "Not loverboy" before turning back to his coffee.

The two woman chuckled at this and Steve grew a little red. His first thought had been, that he had to leave his girlfriend and their unborn baby behind again, after just spending one night at home. Pepper's reassurance had rid him of this, but he was still worried about what the hell Stark had planned this time.

He and Sam made their way to the debriefing room and where first, as per usual. Natasha and Clint joined them shortly after, followed by Rhodes, Bruce, Thor, Jane (much to everyone's surprise) and Fury. Tony himself was the last one to arrive (as per usual) and everyone settled down. Jane took the seat that Bucky usual sat in and shot Steve an apologetic smile.

"So, as all of you should know by now, Snowflake's pregnant. Congrats to Capsicle, never thought your man parts would still work after being frozen for 70 years", he starred Steve, who grew beet red, down into the upholstery of his seat before he continued; "So, I plan on making the safe floor a little bit more safe. And I need everyone's help. Pepper insisted on making a baby shower or what she called it and she said, I should get everyone to help. To be honest, I have no idea what she was talking about so... help me!"

The others looked at Steve for a second and their gazes literally burned his scalp as he sank even deeper into his seat. Tony just had to remind them where babies come from, had he?

"A baby shower is a party where you celebrate a friend getting pregnant. Usually it's during the last months of pregnancy, because it involves the gender reveal. Guests bring baby-related present, like clothes or diapers", Jane's voice cut the silence and everyone looked at her. She was visibly uncomfortable and shifted in her seat a bit.

"So we don't need to do this now?", Sam asked and the woman nodded. "Still, it takes a lot of planning for this. I don't know... Steve do you want to know the babies gender?" their heads whipped back to said man and he pondered on the question for a second.

Then he replied: "No. back in the 40's we wouldn't have a chance to know the gender before the babies birth, so I'd like to keep it that way." Jane nodded and pulled out a small note bock and a pencil. She took some notes and got up. "JARVIS, search for baby shower on the internet. Give me the best result", Tony barked into the air and the A.I. responded with turning on the screen behind the man.

It was a checklist kind of thing and everything was listed neatly. "Ah, how I love organized lists...", Jane mumbled and walked up front. They stared at the screen for a good 10 minutes before she turned around and looked at every single person in the room.

"We can make this work. Just don't tell Jamie, these things should be surprises", she said and everyone nodded. After that, they where dismissed.

* * *

 **Bucky didn't start pacing around the room. In fact, she didn't even thought about how much time might have passed until Steve came back. She had so much fun with Pepper telling her stories of Steve and Tony before Bucky came back to her senses and started to live at the tower.**

" **And then, he just lifted Tony over his head and carried him all the way to the bathroom like this! It was so hilarious, I think Natasha still has a picture of it. Maybe I can get her to show you", Pepper laughed and Bucky held her belly.**

" **Show her what?", Steve asked as he came into the living room and took in the sight. Bucky herself, wrapped in a blanket on the sofa with a mug of hot chocolate, James draped across her feet snoring away and Pepper at the far end of the couch, a mug in her own hands and both woman laughing.**

" **Show her that picture Natasha shot when you carried Tony down to the bathroom because he spent a week in his lab and smelled like a homeless man", the blonde woman explained and Bucky broke out into laughter anew. Steve walked past her, pressed a kiss to her temple and said: "Yeah, he smelled so bad, even Bruce didn't want to be close to him. I had to hold my breath the whole way down."**

 **He wrinkled his nose to emphasize his point and the women laughed again. "I can barely imagine that, Stark's usually combed, shaven and well dressed whenever I see him", Bucky chuckled and Pepper rolled her eyes. "Yeah, usually he is. But believe me, if he spends an entire week down in his lap, he even forgets to eat sometimes. And he doesn't sleep. The first time that happened I was scared out of my own skin, because he looked like he just came back from the dead!"**

 **Bucky laughed a lot that evening. Steve and Pepper kept telling different stories about the other Avengers and some of them were just too hilarious. Like Clint waking up in a halfway filled bathtub after a party, glitter all over him and his hair shampooed but not rinsed.**

 **They decided to go down to the team floor for dinner and the stories wouldn't end. Everyone had at least one to tell, mostly Tony and Clint making complete fools out of themselves. When Natasha told her about the kiss she had with Steve, who turned bright red, Bucky had to laugh that hard, she didn't get a sound out at some point.**

" **It was his first kiss since January 1945 if you want to know the truth Nat. He told me about Peggy kissing him before he downed the plane and that was his last kiss since then. And the third he had thus far", Bucky explained, much to Steve's dismay and the other's fun.**

" **Wait, so that Peggy kissed him before he downed that plane back then. Did she kiss him twice? Did you kiss him back then? Or was there someone else?", Clint asked laughing. Bucky turned red and after a second or two, she replied: "Well... there was this other woman, I think Lorraine or something. She kissed Steve, saying she wanted to thank him for saving all the men captured by HYDRA with me. And..." She stopped and everyone eyed her in curiosity.**

" **Come on, spill the beans Snowflake! We wanna hear every dirty detail", Tony shouted and the others nodded.**

 **Bucky turned even redder and tucked her head in her sweater like a turtle before she replied: "Back, when we where like 15 or 16 years old... uh.. it was Steve's birthday and he got really drunk. I had found a girl for him to spent the evening with, but she turned him down pretty ugly and... I had to walk him back home, I almost carried him. He wasn't able to get a clear sentence out and don't even get me started on walking! So I brought him back home and his mother was at work. And he didn't want me leave... you remember any of that, Steve?"**

 **Said nodded and so, Bucky continued with the story: "Uh.. so, I got him to bed and piled every blanket over him I could find. And he was all like 'Stay with me, just for tonight'. And he did this puppy eye thingy which I never had been able to withstand and so I stayed. I planned on leaving as soon as he fell asleep but he just wrapped around me and I was trapped. Move and wake him up or stay and risk his mother finding us like that. I decided that it wouldn't be bad if Sarah found us, so I stayed. He fell asleep pretty fast and when I saw his face... I..."**

 **She stopped talking again and turned even redder. But since everyone knew what she was about to say, she didn't have to actually say it. Steve however looked nothing even close to surprised, more knowing.**

" **Y'know, I didn't sleep back then." Bucky stiffened. Everyone turned to them in expectation what was about to happen. "What?", It was more like a breathless whisper but they heard it nonetheless. "I fell asleep shortly after my mother came back from work", Steve said and shrugged.**

 **The look on the brown-haired woman's face was worth millions. She looked so utterly terrified and shocked that Tony broke down in laughter, Sam, Clint and Natasha following close behind. Jane looked more.. understanding? While Thor, Rhodes and Fury just smiled. Pepper clapped Bucky on her shoulder and didn't say anything.**

" **YOUWHAT?", the ex-assassin screamed so high-pitched that her own ears ringed from it. Steve ducked his head and scratched his neck. "I uh... I'm sorry?", he offered and took the plank-stiff woman into his arms. She was beet red but upon realizing that it didn't matter now anyway, she relaxed a little.**

 **They talked away the evening, stories exchanged. Bucky took it upon her to embarrass Steve as much as possible that night.**


	24. Chapter 23

**Bucky woke up to the sweet smell of hot chocolate filling her nose. She lazily opened her eyes and looked around. There was her mug with the red star on her night-stand. It was filled with something steaming and when she sat up to see what exactly, she discovered the hot chocolate.**

 **A wide smile spread over her lips. However it lasted for a mere second, before she bolted for the bathroom and threw up. Steve must have heard her, seen as he was there in seconds, stroking her back in calming circles.**

" **Bruce said, that this would happen... he called it morning sickness", Bucky sighed after she had emptied her stomach. Steve nodded: "Yeah, mum said that too. She said I am to take care of my woman then. That I am responsible for it in parts."**

 **Bucky threw him a death glare before she got up and walked back into their bedroom. She threw on a pair of sweatpants and a wide tang top before she grabbed her mug and walked to the kitchen.**

 **Steve sighed and followed her. Bucky sat down at the table and looked at him with her own puppy eyes. He smiled and set a plate with food down in front of her. Grabbing his own, he sat down across and they ate in silence, safe for the soft music floating through the kitchen and living room.**

 **After the breakfast (Bucky ate about three times as much as usual) Bucky went down to Bruce's floor. Since Bucky came to the Avengers tower, they had tried to get rid of the trigger words and fill in the gaps of her memory.**

" **So, how do you feel?", Bruce asked without looking up from the screen where her vital parameters were displayed. Bucky shrugged and replied: "Rather good. Aside from morning sickness and being tired." Bruce nodded and ran a few tests.**

" **Overall, it looks pretty good. I want to run another test for your brainwaves, but that would be all", he said after a few seconds and Bucky nodded. The brown haired man put some weird thing on her head and only months of training prevented her from attacking him out of habit. He attached a few sensors to the thing and started a new program.**

 **At first everything seemed normal, but after a few minutes, Bruce frowned and looked closer at the screen. Bucky felt something was off and asked: "Is... everything okay?" Bruce nodded and smiled at her: "Yes, I was just surprised. Last time I ran that test, there where three different bundles of brainwaves. Now it's only one. Did something happen?"**

 **The woman thought for a second and then nodded. "Yes. When I ran away at the airport. I kinda passed out in the streets. Had nowhere to go... and then all of a sudden I was kind of like in my own mind and there where Winter and Barnes. And they said that I'd have to decide who I want to be. And I was like, hey, I'm a new person now, I am both of you. And then they just... vanished. Gone. They're not even talking to me since then. I tried everything, meditating and stuff."**

 **Bruce looked at the waves again and sighed. "You let go of them. They where merely a creation of your own mind, a way for you to cope with your past and to find out who you are. So the moment, you realized who you are, you let them go. That does explain the different brainwaves I saw last time. You separated them from your own mind and gave them personas of their own. And your subconscious thinking made them interact with you, made them think on their own. And as soon as you didn't need them anymore, your subconscious let them go", he explained and showed her results from last time and from this time in comparison.**

" **Wow...", was Bucky's only reaction. She was impressed by herself, but still a bit afraid. If this was her way of coping with difficult situations, how would it turn out from here on?**

 **Bruce ran another set of tests, this time because of her pregnancy and they turned out good as well. She was healthy and her pregnancy went well. Bucky thanked Bruce for his efforts and promised to come back the following week.**

 **Just as she came out of the elevator, she saw Steve preparing lunch for the two of them. James came up to her, wagging his tail happily and she knelt down to fondle his ear. Steve turned around and smiled at her before saying: "Lunch's ready, Buck."**

 **She got up and sat down at the table. Back in the 40's, she had been the one to prepare their meals, since Steve wasn't really good at cocking then. She never really made much, since they haven't had much back then. Either food or money.**

 **But since she came back, she realized that Steve stepped up his game. Preparing meals not only for the two of them but sometimes even or the whole team, making a really mean coffee and overall she couldn't complain about his food preparing skills.**

" **Where did you learn that?", she asked, mouth full of goulash. Steve shot her a warning glance and she closed her mouth to chew her food. "I lived with Sam for some time before you came back and when we followed you around the globe, he taught me a thing or two", the blonde replied after swallowing his mouth-full.**

 **Bucky nodded in recognition and continued to eat. She was really impressed. Steve had been capable of burning water when she last saw him try to cook and now, he made this incredibly tasty food with seemingly no problems. She would savour every last bite she took. Simply because Steve made it.**

 **They finished lunch just in time for Thor to walk out the elevator and tell Steve and Bucky that the team wanted to spent the day together. They were still discussing what to do when the three came down. Bucky settled on the big couch in the team area and while Steve dived into a heated discussion about the topic at hand, she focussed on the Thunderer.**

 **He was surprisingly quiet for once and had deep bags under his eyes. He looked so much older than the last time she had seen him and if that was anything to go by, something was definitely wrong with him.**

 **Bucky scooted closer to Thor and placed a hand on his shoulder: "Are you okay?" The man whipped his head around to her, a look of surprise on his face. "No... not really...", he replied after a second and Bucky frowned in concern. "Wanna talk about it?" Thor nodded and she gestured for the balkony, where they could talk in peace.**

 **She got up and walked outside, grabbing a blanket to take with her and Thor followed her, his head hanging pretty low. They sat down outside and Thor wrapped Bucky in a second blanket he had taken with him.**

" **Asgardians are very protective of their families. You are the Captains woman, so you are part of this family", he explained with a small smile when she threw him an astonished look. She felt a slight blush on her cheeks and wanted to intervene, tell him that she and Steve were not married, but that would sway a little too far from the topic.**

" **So, what's going on big guy?", Bucky asked and Thor let out a long sight. "It's... Jane. She said, she can't be with me anymore. I have no idea what I have done to make her feel like this", he answered and ran a hand through his long hair.**

" **Oh, not your brother this time?", Bucky dropped incidentally and Thor shook his head. "Though, he is a lot more sociable as of late", and the mans face lit up at that comment. Bucky saw this and knew exactly what was wrong. With Thor, why Jane had dumped him.**

" **Say, what do you feel? Right now, I mean", she asked and wrapped the blanket a little closer around her belly. "I feel... a bit sad. Not broken down or something, just sad. And thankful. I never thought, that you would be as concerned as you prove to be, especially with me", he replied and she chuckled.**

" **What is so funny?", he seemed to be really confused as Bucky broke down in laughter. "What do you think is so funny, Thor? I figured out what your problem is within seconds and you seem to be mulling over that for days now", she replied in between fits of laughter.**

 **Thor drew his eyebrows together in confusion and tilted his head to the side. Bucky calmed a bit and started to explain: "Well, for starters, you're not as hurt about Jane dumping you as you should be if you really loved her. I'm not saying, that you lied about your feelings, Thunderer. All I'm saying is that you may have felt something for her, but it was definitely not love. Because your love is entirely directed at your dear brother Loki."**

 **Thor frowned even more and growled out: "He is my brother, woman. Feeling for him what I should feel for a woman is not right." Bucky shot him a death glare of her own and Thor stiffened. "He is your _adopted_ brother, Thor. So, he is not related to you by blood. Also, considering the old legends my mother used to tell me, he is entirely genderless. Which means, he is a man as much as he is a woman", she growled back at him.**

 **Thor shook his head. "I grew up with him, he is most definitely male." "And even that is nothing wrong or something. If you are happy with him, then that's it." "My mother won't have grandchildren to spoil and love." "She will have. You said I am part of your family. I am pregnant, which means there will be a child in this house at some point."**

 **Thor's eyes widened almost comically and Bucky leaned back in her seat. After a few minutes of silence, she got up and threw him one last glance over her shoulder, stating: "Admit what you feel. As I said, if I really am part of your family, your mother will have a grandchild to spoil and love within the next nine months."**

 **When she got back in, the others were still knee-deep in their discussion and so she settled back on the couch and grabbed a book she had left behind in the team area. It was the first volume of 'Lord of the rings' and she was almost through it. The story had caught her right from the first page.**

 **Another half an hour went by before Steve settled beside her and said: "We want to go swimming. Wanna join?" She sighed and pondered the idea for a moment. When she was about to decline and say she'd stay home, Tony chimed in and said: "I managed to find a swimming pool that's accepting reserving. They said, we can come whenever we want and stay as long as we want. And there will be no reporters or civilians."**

" **Alright, I'll join. Can't leave you alone, can I Capsicle?", Bucky chuckled and poked Steve's side. "Hey, I learned to swim decades before", he replied and she only coaxed an eyebrow. "Yeah, right. That's why you almost drowned in the Potomac and I had to pull you out", she sighed and got up to pack her things.**

 **Steve was hugging her from behind and whispered in her ear: "That's because I thought I'd never get you back. I thought, if I couldn't be with you, even just as your friend, my life wasn't worth living anymore." Bucky rolled her eyes and turned to face him. In all her small and fragile looking glorious anger, she poked her metal index finger in his chest and growled at him from underneath her eyelashes: "That, Rogers, Is the second most dumb thing that ever left your mouth. The first being downing that plane and getting frozen for 70 years because I died."**

 **Then, she whipped around and marched off to her room.**

* * *

Steve was pretty surprised when Bucky had growled at him. Don't get him wrong, he wasn't surprised because she got angry. He had reckoned her to throw him out the window for that statement.

No, Steve Rogers was surprised, that through all the anger in her eyes he saw guilt. The form of guilt he had felt after his now-girlfriend Bucky had fallen of the train back in 1945. The same guilt that consumed him after finding out that she survived the fall that should have killed her alone from the height she fell from. The same guilt that dominated his entire being after he found out that he could have saved her from so many years of torture if he had only gone searching for her after the train.

And he understood. She felt responsible for the two times he almost died. Steve felt his self-hatred bubble back up and right now he wished that he just kept his mouth shut and said nothing. Let her bask in the glory of having saved him countless times, when he had not saved her even once.

He sighed deeply and went after his girlfriend to apologize. If there was still a chance to apologize for the idiocies that he had said.


	25. Chapter 24

When Steve found Bucky, she was inside her own bedroom, that had gone unused since they came back from their trip to Tony's private island. She sat in the corner furthest from the door and had her knees pulled up to her chest. Her arms tightly wound around her legs and shivering, she looked so sad and hurt, Steve damned himself for his words.

"Buck... look, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that", he approached her. She lifted her head and thick streams of tears shone on her cheeks. "I don't know what you're apologizing for, punk", she ground out and got up to walk away from him.

Steve felt tears prick in his own eyes and he wanted nothing more than to hug her. But he kept his distance, knowing that she would run again if he came any closer. Instead, he said: "I'm apologizing for my words. I should have never said that, it was just utterly dumb of me."

Bucky snorted and answered: "Yes, it was. But this is not the reason you're apologizing, is it?" Anger filled Steve and he growled: "I will not apologize for falling in love with you, nor for seeing a life without you by my side as unbearable and worthless. All I ever wanted was to have you by my side. I didn't realize it at first but I wanted to be with you for as long as I can remember! Looking back, I think I was afraid to admit my feelings for you! And you never seemed to care anyway, seeing as you went on dates countless times and rarely ever remembered the guy's name!"

Bucky whirled around and shouted: "I loved you for as long as I can remember! I went on those dates, so you would never realize how much you meant to me! I never remembered their names, because I wished it was you I was going out with! I was happy to have you as my best friend! I hoped that I could stay your best friend for the rest of our lives, if you just never found out what I felt! I tried to protect you, seeing as _you_ always got into fights on your own! I just didn't want you to be beaten up because of me! When I left for the army, I thought, I hoped, I _wished_ that you would be safe back home in Brooklyn, that you would find the woman you wanted to marry, have children with her, your own home! That you would forget about me! I was prepared to die! All I ever wanted was for someone else to see the light inside you, this gigantic strong heart! But you just had to go and get all muscled up and follow me into certain death! I wanted to protect you and give you the chance I would have never had!"

Steve stood there completely dumbfounded. "What...?" He seemed to deflate entirely as he saw Bucky's anger dissipate into thin air and she plopped down on her bed. A deep sight emerged from her and she said: "i cared about you too much, that's why I left for the army. Hoping you'd forget about me and marry some lucky girl I would never get to know. And then there was Peggy. It hurt to see you two so close to one another but I thought that maybe, just maybe you'd be happy with her. So I kept out of the way. And then there was the train... I saw that you would fall if you took another step to get closer to me. So I decided to get out of the picture entirely. To save you."

Steve sat down beside her and took her into his arms. Bucky didn't fight it and leaned against his chest. He was sure, she could feel him shiver from his own tears but if so, she didn't say a word. She never did. She had been his weak spot for years, but also the point where he was strongest. She had been with him at all times. And she never judged him when he cried.

"Buck, I never wanted you out the picture. I always wanted you with me. I _thought_ I loved Peggy. But after you fell and we all thought you were dead... I realized that she didn't mean half as much to me as you do. She was a very good friend and she tried her best to keep me going. But she knew, she'd never be the woman I wanted to spent my life with", Steve mumbled into Bucky's hair.

She sniffed one last time and looked up at him. She gave him her best lopsided grin and wiped away his tears softly. "We're idiots, aren't we?", Steve chuckled and wrapped his arms even closer around her growing waist. "We sure are, Buck...", they both chuckled and Bucky settled back on his chest.

"Buck, we need to get going if we want to go swimming with the others", Steve smiled down at her and she sighed. "Alright. Let's get going", Bucky said and grabbed the bag behind her. They went down to the others. Nobody said anything about them being gone for fifteen minutes or their red cornered eyes.

"Let's get going. Well, we need to split into groups. Who's going with whom?", Tony said as everyone settled down in the team area. Natasha spoke up first: "Clint and Bruce are coming with me." Both men nodded. "Okay, then I'll take Pepper and Point Break." The blonde woman and the thunder god looked at each other and smiled. "I'll be going with Fury and Hill", Rhodes announced and the one-eyed man nodded. "I'll take the Maximoff twins and Spiderling here", Sam ruffled Peters hair and they laughed.

"We'll take my bike, right Buck?" Said woman nodded and everyone took off to the garage. Tony, Pepper and Thor took the billionaires only four-seat-car. Natasha, Clint and Bruce took the woman's black sportscar and Fury, Hill and Rhodes took Rhodes black van. Sam took his own car, a blue VW Golf and while Wanda and Pietro took their places in the back seat, Peter sat in the passengers seat and Sam took the driver's. Bucky adjusted herself on Steve's Harley Davidson before the owner himself climbed on in front of her.

He kick-started the engine and it roared to life, before it settled for the low grumble. "T's been a while since I last rode a motorcycle. I remember that you always took me with yours when we came back from missions. Never let me go with the others", Bucky chuckled before she wrapped her arms around his waist.

"Had good reasons for it", Steve shrugged and they went after Rhodes' black van. "You gotta explain these to me, Stevie!", Bucky shouted over the roaring of the engine beneath her and the sharp wind. Steve just smiled and made a mental note to be careful what he says around his pregnant girlfriend.

The swimming pool Tony choose was awesome. It was a gigantic thing, the ground floor held swimming pools of differing sizes and shapes as well as a whirlpool, a wave-pool and a pool with an opening to the outside. The second floor was mostly sauna rooms of differing temperatures and sizes.

They made big eyes all over. Tony arranged for the entire thing to be empty by the time they arrived and so they actually did have the entire thing for themselves. Natasha, Pepper, Maria and Bucky moved to the whirlpools in an instant, while the Maximoff twins, Peter, Sam and Steve stayed at the wave-pool. Fury ventured off to a pool in the back to swim a few lanes and Rhodes joined him. Tony and Bruce were off to the second floor.

* * *

" **This is great... I mean, Tony does have a whirlpool on every damn floor in the tower and they are good as well", Pepper sighted and relaxed into the warm bubbling water. Bucky followed suit and replied: "Yeah, already tried those... But feeling like a normal human every once in a while is good too." "Yeah, especially since none of us is actually normal", Natasha threw in and Maria just snorted: "To say the least, Romanoff."**

 **Natasha giggled and a pleased smile spread over her face. "Well, Snowflake's the least normal out of all of us, Hill. She's got this weird serum and she's like 100 years old", the red-head mused. Bucky scrunched her nose and replied in a playfully angry tone: "Well, thank you Tasha. I'm 97, not dead."**

 **Natasha chuckled and said: "That's exactly what Steve said when we were on the run from HYDRA." "Steve's a year younger than me, Tasha." The other two smiled at their friends' exchange. Bucky and Natasha looked at each other and broke down into furious laughter.**

" **What's so funny here, girls?" Bucky shot around and nearly fell. Steve, who had showed up behind her and asked the question, caught her and smiled. "Careful there, babe. Ya don't wanna hurt yourself or the baby, do you?", he said and helped Bucky back in the warm water.**

 **Sitting down to her side, he looked through the group and fixated his gaze on Natasha. "So, care to tell me what's so funny?", he asked and Natasha had that glint of mischief in her eyes. "Oh, we just talked about this and that. And how you reacted after I asked you if the kiss I gave you was your first since 1945."**

 **Steve chuckled and wrapped an arm around Bucky's shoulders. "Copied quite a few of her behaviours. What can I say, I love her", he shrugged with his brightest smile and pressed a kiss on Bucky's right cheek. "Awwww", Natasha cooed and they started talking about some things regarding the Avengers.**

" **So, what does that mean, normal? None of us is. Take Banner. He's turning into a green rage monster if he looses his cool. Or Tony. I mean, okay, he's just a genius who invented an armoured suit but that's not entirely normal too. He build this thing to fight his own work", Natasha waved her hand dismissively and Bucky snorted.**

 **Steve replied: "Yeah, well, none of you has lived through the Depression and the second World war." Mentioning the war, the brunette stiffened. Steve pulled her in a little bit closer and ruffled her hair. "M'fine, Stevie. Just... don't like to remember _that_."**

 **Now she felt the blonde stiffen. She knew very well why. They both didn't like to remember it. "C'mon, we wanna have fun here. What do you say, wanna go test the slides?", she chirped and batted her lashes at Steve. "This is not gonna turn into the Cyclone on Coney island, is it?", he grinned back at her and they laughed.**

" **Gonna tell us, what this whole thing about Coney island is about? Heard it's one of the most lame amusement parks ever", Natasha chimed in and Bucky looked at her in bewilderment. "Lame? Back in the 1940's it was the best thing around. We went there once and I made Stevie ride the Cyclone with me", she explained and Steve rolled his eyes: "Yeah, and I threw up afterwards. Was a little too much for me."**

 **Natasha, Pepper and Maria laughed and Bucky simply pulled Steve with her to the slides. They slid each one of the three different slides at least once before going back to the others. Tony and Bruce came back from the saunas ad suggested water-ball.**

" **It's a game where we like play volleyball but in the water. It's real fun", Tony explained and threw a ball in the air to pass it over to Steve. They played for a long time and only stopped, when Bucky dived under.**

" **Say, how does this arm work? I need to see it sometime, it's metal, it should blow up at contact with liquids", Tony mustered her left arm with interest. "I don't really know what they did or how it was built. It's just kinda part of me so... works like a normal arm", she shrugged in reply and moved it around to emphasize her point.**

" **Can I take a look at it sometime?", Tony was back to his scientist mind and shot the woman a hopeful glance. Bucky rolled her eyes and nodded with a smile: "Sure. Just make sure you don't take it apart or something, I really need this thing to keep my balance, Stark." "Besides, we are here to have fun. Not to talk about work, Tony", Steve added and threw the ball at him with so much power, the billionaire nearly got knocked off his feet.**

" **Watch it, Capsicle!", he shouted and threw the ball back, directly aiming for Steve's face. Bucky jumped between the ball and her boyfriends face to give it a jab with her left arm and shouted: "Got it! Next time, take better aim, Cola Can!"**

 **They continued to play like this and some bruises were ensured during that game. At the end of the day, they went back home exhausted but happy and plopped down in their beds for the night.**

 **Bucky cuddled up close to Steve and wrapped his arms around his back. "I was all skin and bones last time we did that", the blonde chuckled. She took his hand and squeezed it. "Still the same bones", she yawned and after a small good night kiss, they both fell asleep.**


	26. Chapter 25

"Oh my god, I hate you!"

Steve ducked his head in response but didn't let go of the hand in his grasp. And Bucky didn't shake it off. _At least something,_ Steve thought and hissed sharply as she squashed his hand to bits, a loud scream following that.

Nine months went by rather past and here they where, Bruce's lab rearranged to make space for a gigantic bed and some devices Steve didn't know what they where for. They had been outside in the park, when Bucky suddenly bend over with a loud gasp.

Of course, Steve had asked what was wrong, but instead of an actual reply, he had to watch as his girlfriend had lied down on the cold grass and started panting heavily. After another urge to tell him what was wrong, she had looked at him completely panicked and had whispered: "My water just broke.."

And then, his own panic kicked in as he dialled Tony's number, way too slow for his comfort, and practically screamed at him to pick Bucky up and get her to Bruce. The other had been confused to say the least and when Steve had finally told him what happened, the billionaire had been up and about, getting everything ready.

And now they where in Bruce's lab, Bucky on the bed with her knees bend awkwardly and his hand in her right. Steve beside her, keeping quiet through all the insults and curses she had spit. Bruce told him, better to keep quiet, woman during labour are nothing funny.

The power Bucky used on his hand every time a contraction hit her was proof of the smaller man's warning. Steve was pretty sure, once the brunette was out of labour, Bruce would have to operate his hand, because he felt like she crushed every single bone inside it.

"How could you do this me, you asshole", Bucky cried out, closely followed by another painful scream. The blonde squirmed uncomfortably. He wanted to help so bad, wanted to do something against the pain his girlfriend felt. But alas, he was of no use in the face of _that._ Natasha placed a hand on his shoulder and gave it a reassuring squeeze, before she got back to work.

Steve was truly impressed by her and Bruce. They seemed to exactly know what to do, despite not being familiar with the whole process. Well, he assumed the two read every book possible as soon as Bucky said, she didn't want to go to a hospital.

"Alright, Bucky, just a little bit more, you're doing really good", Bruce shouted over her screams and she shot him her best death glare. The small man didn't care, he was so deep inside his work, he probably didn't even realize the look he had been gifted. Natasha wiped her face down and started to breath with Bucky to calm her a little bit.

Steve felt the pressure on his hand and shot the red head a warning glance. Not a second to early, because then Bucky suddenly leashed out and screamed at the top of her lungs. The blonde almost missed Bruce's shout of: "You have it, you're done, the baby's here Bucky!" over it.

Almost.

Bucky laid back panting heavily, her eyes completely closed but a small victorious smile on her lips. Steve heard the crying and turned to look at Bruce. He held up a pair of scissors and the umbilical cord in front of him. "You should be the one to cut it, Steve. You're the father after all."

Said nearly passed out but after a reassuring squeeze from Bucky, he let go of her hand and cut the umbilical cord. Bruce went right back to tending to the baby, that he had momentarily given into Natasha's arms. Now, they started to clean the small thing and Steve had time to just be with Bucky and tend to her.

"I'm sorry...", she whispered and he pressed a kiss to her temple. "You were in pain. Pain, I can probably never relate to", he replied and she gave him an exhausted smile. "Probably not, no...", Bucky whispered before falling into a light doze for several minutes.

That was until Natasha turned around and walked up to them. Then, Bucky was back up and looking at her friend. "It's a girl", Natasha smiled at them and revealed a small baby girl wrapped into a big pink towel. She already had a head full of dark brown hair and Bucky flinched at the sight.

She took the baby into her arms and a smile spread her lips. "Hey Sarah, how you doin'?", she whispered and Sarah made a cute hiccup like sound. It was only when she opened her eyes that her mother held her breath. And exhaled with a chuckle.

"She has your eyes, Stevie", Bucky whispered and Steve moved closer in. She was right, Sarah had the same light blue eyes he had. Steve chuckled and replied: "Nah, those are my momma's. I got them from her, too." They heard the door click and noted that both Bruce and Natasha had left the room.

After half an hour, the two came back and Nat took Sarah for a moment. Bucky got to eat something, since she had been in labour for more than five hours she was hungry as hell. Steve ate something as well before he looked at Nat somewhat longingly and she showed him how to hold the baby.

The first reaction Sarah showed was confusion. But as soon as Steve greeted her and started talking to her, she recognized his voice and listened to him rambling about this and that. He was happy and couldn't help but let three or four small tears escape his eyes.

* * *

 **Bucky was a hell lot of tired. Bruce had been mildly surprised when he informed her that she had no wounds from giving birth to eight pounds of moving baby.**

 **At the same time, she was contend laying there on the soft bed and watching Steve play with Sarah's little hands. She drifted off into sleep more than once and somehow, she fell asleep entirely.**

 **When she woke up, Steve was there, sleeping in an armchair right next to her. She felt the change in the mattress and realized that she was back in the bedroom on their shared floor. A small crib stood to her side, Sarah inside it and sleeping cosily as well.**

 **She was wearing a small pink pullover now, with a pair of thick white pants and pink socks. A small pink woollen hat sat on her head and beside her was a plushy Bucky had made sometime ago. It was a small bear with a shield in it's right paw and the left arm made of a grey fabric with a red star on it's shoulder.**

 **She turned back around and fell asleep within seconds again. The next time she woke up was with Sarah wailing a bit and she got her daughter out of her crib. "What's wrong babygirl?", she cooed and Sarah looked at her for a second.**

" **She is probably hungry", Natasha's voice came from somewhere on the side and Bucky turned to her. "I never did this before, so you shouldn't rely in my advise only. But... I read that it goes like.. this", she said, while helping Bucky guide Sarah to her breast and the small human found her source of food without any problems.**

 **She looked up at her mother with big dreamy eyes and soon after, she let go and fell back asleep. Bucky chuckled a bit before placing Sarah back in her crib and laying back herself. Just then, Steve came back inside and carried a tray of food with him.**

" **Here you go. Bruce said, those are the things you should eat for now. Y'know to get you back to strength", Steve said and set the tray down on her legs. "Thank you, Stevie", Bucky sighed and dug in the food. It was tasty and savoury and she felt her energy return bit by bit.**

 **Still, she was tired and after she finished her meal, she let herself fall back into the pillows. Steve got up and picked up the tray. He kissed her softly before he left and she fell back asleep in a matter of seconds.**

* * *

The next few days were basically the same. Steve woke up, grabbed some food for himself and Bucky, played with Sarah a lot, cuddled with Bucky, food again, then sleep. But even though he was removed from active duty for the time being (Bucky had said, she wouldn't let him go unless she was able to "Watch his six" and Tony said, he should stay with his family), he was happy.

Funny thing was, Sarah grew extremely fast. After half a year, she looked like a three-year-old and behaved like one. She was even capable of speaking full sentences and voice what she wanted.

Steve and Bucky where afraid that something was wrong with the little girl. But Bruce did check ups almost every week and as they hit the three-month-mark, he told them it was due to the serum.

"She won't have a short life or something. She's just simply growing faster, that's all. It seems to be a side effect of the serum", Bruce had said and the two super-soldiers breathed a little easier.

That was, until Sarah found out that she was way stronger than children her growth-phase. The serum affected her just like it did with Bucky and Steve, making her stronger than Natasha by the time she hit the eleven-month-mark from birth. At that time, she was already more like a five-year-old.

So, to contain her five-year-old temper and strength, she started doing fighting-lessons with Natasha and Bucky. Steve was absolutely against it, wanting his daughter to grow up save and sound without the need to ever learn to fight. Bucky had to show him five times that it was better to tame her temper and teach her how to control her power.

She did so by unleashing her daughters full power on Steve and finally he agreed with her. But only after Sarah nearly knocked him out cold one morning, when she was trying to wake him up for breakfast.

"Alright! Left! Right! Your legs, darling, you need to move your legs! Yes, good", Steve walked into the training area and heard Bucky's encouragement just before he rounded the corner. Sarah was training with her mother and her small child face was painted dark by concentration.

Bucky saw Steve approaching from the corner of her eye and smiled, before she yelled: "Enemy from behind!" Sarah spun around and jumped on her father. Her little legs wrapped around his throat and Steve recognized the move as one of Nat's favourites. He played along, despite Sarah being too light to pull that off with him, and flopped heavily on the mattress with a loud groan before playing dead.

Sarah cheered and said: "Papa, I know you're not dead! Get up!" The blonde laughed and sat up to take the jumping ball that was his daughter into his arms. "Alright, sweetheart, wanna give Momma and Papa a little time-out? Aunt Pepper and Uncle Tony wanted to take you swimming. If you're in", Steve laughed and winked at his daughter.

"Yeah, I wanna go swimming!" The little girl was so overjoyed, that she almost hit her Papa in the gut. Almost. To his luck, she missed by a hair's width and instead hit the mattress. Still, he went a little pale at this. Sarah darted off to find Tony and Pepper and Steve sighed.

"Lucky this time hu", Bucky mused and held out her hand. Steve took it and she pulled him to his feet. "She barely missed my crown jewels this time", he scrunched his nose as his girlfriend began laughing so hard, she cringed. "Hey, seems like she doesn't want any siblings then", Bucky giggled and Steve paled even more.

Bucky turned around and grabbed her bag. After a glance over her shoulder, she threw him her trade-mark lopsided grin and asked: "You wanna root there? 'Cause I'm planning on using the time our daughter is gone." The blonde was quick to follow her.

They took the elevator to their floor and Bucky carelessly threw the bag somewhere in the corner to make her way to the bathroom. "I'm gonna take a shower", she shouted at him and was gone.

Seconds later, the water turned on and Steve grimaced. He grabbed her bag and put the dirty laundry in the washer. Bucky's phone fell out of one of the pockets and Steve picked it up. A message showed on the screen.

His breath caught in his throat and he stared at the screen in shock. This couldn't be true.. could it?

* * *

so, yeah. i started a few other stories now (in case you didn't notice) because i was missing ideas for this one. o originally planned on ending it after Sarah was born, but then i wanted to pull it further and here we are. thanks to my best friend, who proof-reads most chapters, i have few new ideas and so we will go on with this story.

i will try to keep Past Desires up to date as well. look forward to the next Stucky Fic i got in store (And already mostly done) i will upload it as soon as either this story or Past Desires is finished.

also, please review if you have an idea i could use. i love those


	27. Chapter 26

"What does this mean, Buck?" Steve had been shouting at his girlfriend for the past half an hour at least. Without gaining a response so far. She sat in front of him and seemed to look right through his body, her eyes having taken on a distant look seconds after he first confronted her.

The message was still perfectly visible and unread on the screen of Bucky's phone. Or rather would have been, if Steve hadn't accidentally crushed the small fragile device in his hand five seconds ago.

It wasn't even anger that made him shout or crush stuff. It was pure and utter panic. And the fact that Bucky didn't answer wasn't making any of it really better.

"Mission Alert. Extraction point Avengers Tower. Sargent Barnes.", had been catching Steve's eye, as the phone fell. Especially due to the bright yellow letters on black ground. He had asked her calmly at first. Her only reaction was that she turned into a robot, sitting down on their couch and staring into the nothingness.

"BUCK! Goddamnit, answer me!", Steve might have lost his temper. He might have taken a step forward. And he might not have calculated Bucky's reactions beforehand.

Because the next thing he knew, she was on top of him, choking him with her metal arm and he had no chance to escape that grip.

A broken sound came out of his mouth and he desperately tried to fill his lungs with oxygen. Suddenly, Bucky's eyes cleared from their former distant look to realization and finally to panic. She scrambled off of Steve and made her escape to the other side of the room faster than he took to gasp for air. He willed the lack dots in his vision away and sat up to frantically check his surroundings for even the sight of long, brown hair.

He heard the glass shatter, heard boots on the shards and the sound of moving wires. Another crash and then – silence. Long, deafening silence. Steve jumped up and bolted through the entire floor he shared with Bucky and their daughter. As he reached the point from where he started searching, he noticed one of the windows entirely shattered into teeny tiny pieces.

The worst was the floor. The floor boards had a big hole in them and he found a small space underneath them. A piece of black fabric caught his eye and as he took a closer look at it, he knew what it was.

It was a piece of fabric from a backpack he had gifted Bucky half a year ago. And never saw again after that day. He thought she didn't like his present and didn't want to use it. Now, that he had this small piece of it in his big hand, he knew it was the other way around. She had used it, packed it for emergencies.

And obviously hid it under the floorboards to be able to grab it quickly if necessary. Steve looked down the tower from the broken window and realization came painfully crushing his mind like a ton of bricks. She ran. Bucky ran, from him, from a life together. And she had always been prepared to.

* * *

 **Bucky ran as fast as she could, rounding corner after corner, not even thinking about where she went or who she ran over on her path. _I hurt him, I hurt him, I hurt him_ swirled through her head like an unwanted mantra and made it hurt.**

 **She knew this day would come. The day she wouldn't be in full control of herself. Even if Barnes and Winter stopped talking to her, even if they didn't exist in her head anymore, she still was and would always be a weapon.**

 **Bucky had gotten carried away and forgot for some time. That she wasn't human, wasn't a person but an object to be possessed. A gun to be fired at any second. She just never though that she would hurt Steve of all people.**

 _ **At least Sarah wasn't there**_ **another voice trailed through her head. Bucky stopped dead in her tracks and nearly tripped from the sudden halt. Sarah. How could she forget about her own daughter?**

 **The girl deserved a life in peace with a family. Not with a mother half a cyborg, broken apart way too many times to ever be okay again. A new determination rose inside her. Even if she would never ever trust herself around the two most important people in her life ever again, she could at least do something for their safety.**

 **Bucky had asked Natasha to help her a while ago. They wanted to find and eliminate the remaining HYDRA bases all around the globe. Bucky had all the information she needed. Coordinates, locations and number of threats. She would just have to go in there and kill each of them with her own hands.**

 **That way, she could be sure that Steve and Sarah where safe. Even if she herself would most likely die.**

* * *

When Sarah came back and found the chaos, she was pretty quick to ask Steve what had happened. He had absolutely no idea how to explain it. Natasha was fast to jump to his rescue and explained that Bucky was a little unstable since being a mother took a lot of time and effort and that she probably just needed some time off.

It took half a year for Steve to find anything on Bucky's possible whereabouts. And what he found didn't make the situation better. Several HYDRA bases had been attacked and annihilate the past months and he had a feeling that Bucky had something to do with it.

But since Sarah had grown so fast and now hit the ten-year-mark in her growth, he had to stay home and take care of her. She had spent half a year without her mother already and Steve didn't want to leave her completely alone for god-knows-how-long until he brought Bucky back home.

So, Natasha and Sam set out to find the woman. They kept in touch with Steve and told him every single thing they found. Which turned out to be mostly cold leads. Bucky had been responsible for most of the attacks, but by the time Natasha and Sam got there, she had already left.

Three months after they had started their active search for her, they came back and without a word handed Steve a letter. There where two pages in it, one with his name and one with Sarah's.

He gave his daughter the letter and she spent a week in her room. Steve could hear her cry at night and it hurt him to not be able to help. He didn't touch his own letter for another week, afraid what he might read.

But when he finally did, he had to cry as well.

 _Steve,_

 _my beloved_

 _When you read this, it means that Natasha and Sam caught up to me. I know that they are on my heels. But I won't come back. I hurt you, I could have killed you. And it's been two times already! I don't want to risk it a third time. I might end up killing you after all. HYDRA's been following me, too. You need to take care of Sarah, they might come for her. They are coming for me. I can hear them while I write these words._

 _The words which will probably be my last conscious words. I know what HYDRA wants. They will turn me back. If there was something to turn back. I have always been a weapon, ever since they got their hands on me first. There is no denying that, Steve and you know it as well as I do. I was never meant to feel, to love or to be around other people, lest I was supposed to kill them._

 _I have only one request. If it comes down to this and I stand before you not as Bucky but as the Winter Soldier... kill me. End this misery I have been in for over seventy years. I can't do this anymore. If Sarah asks, why you did it, show her this letter. Hopefully she will understand then._

 _I am sorry. I cannot come back. Not now. Maybe not ever. All I can do is hope, that you will forgive me one last time. That you can forgive me for putting this burden upon your shoulders and yours alone._

 _Bruce said, Sarah will be even stronger than you. Train her properly, protect our little girl from every threat that casts it shadows upon her._

 _I love you. My Stevie... I'm sorry._

 _Bucky_

Time flew past Steve in a blur. Sarah grew fast and despite her being slightly less strong than Steve himself, she fought good. Bucky had trained her very well and the girl showed off sometimes. Tasha and Sam kept Bucky's trace and informed him of recent developments.

A year after Bucky vanished, the red haired spy and the para-rescue soldier came back. With very bad news as it appeared. They had serious faces on when Steve saw them in the living room of his floor.

"Steve...", Sam started but got cut off. "If you're gonna say Bucky's dead, I have ta stop ya right there", Steve all but growled. Natasha stood up and fear welled up inside the blonde's heart. She couldn't be dead... right? No, she was way stronger than this.

"Bucky is not dead. But I don't know if what happened to her isn't even worse", the read head said with a dead tone to her voice. She and the ex-assassin had become great friends over the course of Bucky's stay at Avengers tower.

Silence expanded between them and stretched seconds to minutes as Steve waited for them to deliver the knife to his heart and just spit what it was, while Sam and Natasha searched for the right words. Then, finally.

"Bucky's been compromised. By HYDRA. They got their hands on her. We lost track of her when she fled to Spain. When we arrived there, she was already gone", Natasha explained. Her voice was still void of any emotion as were her eyes.

Steve went rigid. He had feared this day would come ever since he read the letter. Sarah, who by now was at the evolutionary stage of a fifteen year old, hugged her father tightly and he felt that she was close to crying. They wrapped up in each others arms and while Sam carefully guided them to the couch to help them sit down, Natasha explained everything.

It was hard to comprehend that the woman who had smiled at him so sweetly, who had had a hand in creating the life currently located in his arms and told him she loved him so many times was supposed to be back to her cold and emotionless assassin-self.

"Is that my fault, papa?", Sarah suddenly asked with a very small voice and took a shaky breath. Steve pulled her even closer and kissed the base of her hair. "No. it's not. Don't worry, sweetheart, we'll get mommy back. I promise", he whispered. "Are you sure?" "Yes."

"What happened to mommy?", Sarah continued to ask. The three adults exchanged uncomfortable glances until Sam straightened up and said: "She's old enough to know." Steve pulled a face and replied: "Sam, she is practically three years old." "Steve, you know that she is way older than the time spent on this planet", Natasha cut in and Steve gave up.

He knew there was no stopping them. So they explained everything to Sarah. "We won't find her if we try to, because she doesn't want to be found. The only chance we have of taking hold of her is that she might one day attack us herself. HYDRA might have re-activated the programming, but they can't control her. It's been too long since she has been wiped and what I saw of her, they haven't tried again", Natasha ended.

"I wanna find mom. And I bet the others would want to as well. We should at least try", Sarah was so determined, it reminded Steve of Bucky when she had been set on something. It gave him a painful pang to his chest but at the same time, he was happy to find so much of his beloved girlfriend in their daughter.

With the help of Natasha (Who provided her "evil eyes" as Sam dubbed them) the para-rescue (Who just stood in the corner and looked convincing) and her father (Who was all god's righteous man for her) Sarah Barnes-Rogers acquired the help of all the Avengers to find and bring back her mother Bucky Barnes.

* * *

so, so sorry! this chapter is really short compared to the others! but somehow I wanted to put everything together and prepare for the next chapter. so please, no hard feels or anything T.T I'll make the next chapter worth the wait, i promise!


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